A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey I'd really like a male perspective on my problem but would also appreciate female feedback as well... I've been in an on and off again realtionship with my daughter's father, during one of our "breakups" he decided to go and have another relationship with someone else she is now pregnant... as I said we are always on and off... he promised me he was not cheating but when the cat got let out and I found out he blamed it on me... I have never cheated never... I asked him over and over is there someone else? He said no... he continued a relationship with me and her like it was no big deal. He doesn't act like he is sorry.. he would ask me all the time of I was cheating I guess it was a guilty conscience... anyway I tried to forgive and work through this but I'm disgusted by this whole situation... I'm angry at the lies and I'll tell you it's not the first woman it's the second I know about, there are probably more of course... He acts like normal like nothing happened... it grosses me out when he touches me kisses me when we have sex.. on top of all the other things that I had to put up with he plopped this one on the plate... I'm tired of being a doormat... I am only being nice because of our daughter... I'd like to seek revenge for what he has done I want him to suffer I want to kick him out of my life... my question for the guys is do all guys cheat and lie like this? How can I break his heart into tiny little pieces? What would hurt him the most? I'm sick of pretending nothing is wrong... I cannot talk to him about anything...
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female
reader, Nodoormat +, writes (31 December 2011):
Turn your life to being happy. Show him you do not need him, join a gym, make new friends, buy new clothes, change your hair style, laugh all the time, kindness kills, when he asks if you are seeing someone just laugh and walk away. Pray, study and obey all Gods teachings. Stop telying on a man for happiness. Find your own...who cares what he is doing with his life. Choose your path of happiness and stick to it. I will pray for you. Go to lds.org...you will find happiness. Our Father in heaven can help you and your husband. Jesus died so we could all be forgiven for our sins. Change positive and he may fall madly in love with you for the first time. Think positive all the time.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): Be good to yourself, do anything and everything to improve your life in all aspects whenever wherever you can. Eat healthy, do positive things, live a healthy life. Make yourself a very happy, fullfilled person - All without him!!
Make yourself opportunities to meet new people and you will naturally attract other guys into your life (happy people are attractive), pick a new guy and move on (this shouldnt be hard as your husband sounds like a real asshole).
Never let him stop your process in any way, not even if he starts telling you that he is changing for the better, no way! Dont get trapped by his lies ever again.
You have to be nice but tough and firm. I personally think that's the best way to treat assholes like that. It may not be easy but it worked for me, and there is nothing to lose but gain doing it this way.
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A
female
reader, mightaphodite +, writes (5 December 2008):
He's a bastard, right? You hate his guts? You want him to suffer? You think that would make you feel better? You'd earn back your self-respect? This way of negative thinking is just a phase. But you have to get out of that dark hole as soon as possible and start being constructive. Begin a new life without him. Use all the energy you've invested in thinking about how to hurt him back, for building a stable and a healthy environment for you and your daughter. Be happy and stay positive. This kind of love-hate relationship needs two participants. If you go on with your life without him, you'll take away his "favorite toy" and at the same time give yourself a chance to have a fulfilled life. Protect your daughter and give her a good example. You've lasted so long in this draining vicious circle. Imagine what you could have done alone or with someone deserving. Imagine what you still can! Don't poison yourself with dark thoughts. Don't worry... he's most probably his own worst enemy and doesn't need you to ruin his life. As far as I can see, he's done a pretty good job so far. Take care!
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A
female
reader, Gem86  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Hello,
Im sorry you're having to go through this, must be very painful. But Iam going to pass on some advice that a close friend once said to me:
"The best revenge is your own happiness."
If you want to get revenge and break his heart I suggest you finish with him for good and live your own life. Find happiness with your daughter and your family.
Forget this loser, you can find someone a lot better than him! I think his behaviour has shown this! Just keep things polite for the sake of your daughter and move on.
I hope I have helped, good luck :)
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 I don't think this is a forum for advice about how to hurt people. If he's a creep, get out of the relationship. If it bothers you when he even kisses you, why do you get to the sex part?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): My ex got another girl pregnant while we were together and he went to the scans and birth behind my back. When i found out i dumped him and have never looked back. I dont have time for losers like that in my life and nor should you. I know you have a daughter, but you cant have a relationship with this man without trust. Believe me it will never last without that. As for revenge, i personally would just rise above it. I have fantasised about hurting my ex but never acted on it cos i dont want to regret it. It will hurt him more if you act like you dont give a damn about him any more. Dump him!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): This man is obviously making you unhappy and you sound like you want someone faithful. I heard somewhere that 60% of men cheat so you are certainly not alone. And of course they lie because they want to have their cake and eat it.
Taking revenge would only hurt you in the end, more than him. It would be better to remove yourself from this unhappy relationship. It won't be doing your daughter any good. You don't say how old she is, but she could be getting the message that it's a good idea to stay in a relationship you are unhappy in, and this could affect her in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): well i suggest changing the locks, changing your phone number and just block him out of your life all together he'l get the message eventually and if not i think its time to call in the professionals!
good luck! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): if someone was treating your daughter the way your boyfriend is treating you what would be your advice to her, i suspect you would tell her to get rid of him and move on, the thing is she is going to grow up believing this is the way women are treated by men and one day will bring home someone not unlike her father, get out now while you still have your sanity, go and make a success of life without him, life as a single mum is not so bad you will be surprised where different sources of support come from, dont waste your time or your headspace on this low life lots o love xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): You are really in a lose lose situation...firstly I have to disagree with the on and off relationship..because I say that if you're with me you're with me but if you're not then you're not...therefore when you all were off technically it didn't matter if he was with another woman..because you all were not together...you on the other hand always had hopes of geting back with him..because he's the father of your daughter and you want him in your daughters life...so you were emotionally hurt..meanwhile he is not..he has gotten another girl pregnant and now he is with you..sleeping with you and just doing what he wants because you let him back into your life...let me tell you something..you are putting yourself through this...it was your choice to let him abck into your like..you deserve waaay better than anything he has..and I feel that the best revenge that you can get out of this mess..is to leave him..put him out..and live your life with just you and your daughter..happily..trust me time will heal...and trying to hurt him will only make you feel worse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): Ditch this guy. He is nothing but poison. Stop being his doormat as you say.
As for breaking his heart, he is clearly not in love with you and his feelings aren't that strong for you; he just knows you will take him back. By the nature of your relationship, he probably doesn't respect you either. Bottom line, you can't break his heart because there is nothing to break. You could seek revenge, but why don't you take the high road, ditch him and get a better man?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 In my humble opinion, the best you can do is put an end to the relationship. The moment you two decided to have an "off and on" relationship, you two (and I also mean "you, TOO") decided to leave the door open to this kind of situations. The problem is not so much his sleeping with someone else, but the way the relationship is taking place.
I say, put an end to this and have a relationship with him as any two divorcés would. I see that he has someone else while you don't. That means, you are left to his devices. Put an end to it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): I agree with the first answer. This guy is scum.
But to seek revenge will only put hurt on yourself. He is his own best enemy.
Get proof he is the father, dump him out of your life, and collect the child support through a government agency until your child is of age.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (4 December 2008):
 The guy is a loser, and has zero respect for you or your daughter. He doesnt appreciate what he has. I couldn't deal with another woman pregnant. That would be the straw that broke the camels back for me, if I had put up with all you have previously, and given him all those chances!
But as for revenge, I dont know what I would do.
C xxxxxx
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