A
male
age
30-35,
*hadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera
writes:In short, there has been a girl I've known for a long time and I've been wanting to ask her out for a while. However, with me, and as well as other guys, she's been known to back out of a date for any reason, and number one is for "being swamped". This is legitimately true for what her friends have told me. Heck, I'm close friends with her cousin! HOWEVER, this is NOT to SAY she has NOT been on quite a few dates before with other guys. I have no clue how they do it, but there must be something they do that makes it extremely effective.I need to find a way to tell that I want to hang out with her. Nothing complex, as well as something where (My best idea is Ice-Skating, and going to a restaurant afterward [any suggestions here for the restaurant? Nothing too expensive]). However, I've asked her a few times if she's wanted to hang out, and most of the times, she says yes, but then within about a few hours to a few days, she backs out of it. I have to give her a reason to hang out, and something that would work asap. I also thought about asking her out, with no direct day, so there would not feel any extreme obligation to just one day.Now, some of you might say that I should let go, and just give up. We'll, she never gave up on me when I was in very rough patches of my life. Even saved my life. So no, I can't just move on to another girl. She means everything to me. Also, if the date/hangout does go through FINALLY, what would you recommended me to do with my style? Like, clothes to wear (I have a bunch of very funny t-shirts, solid color tees, and plaids)... kind of shampoo to use, deodorant, and perhaps most importantly, I suck at body language, so how should I convey my emotions properly, and read if she's having a good or bad time?How can I ask a girl out without leaving any room for her to back out of the date.. and how can I make the date/hangout perfect so she'll want to do something like that again?
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male
reader, Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera +, writes (1 January 2011):
Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, I almost have her on the hook of dating/hanging out with her (even if it's just one hangout/date), I sent her a very powerful, but not killer-friendship-ended, yet
heartfelt letter on how she saved me.
However, I found out I have a new snag. For the first time, I heard a rumor she might be BISEXUAL. I don't know if this is true, but if it is, I need a new gameplan all together. This just changed up the game a lot, and now I need a revision on a good place to take her, let alone, a good idea on how to fix this all up. I also learned she's into Gothic/renaissance things, so now I need some more ideas.
I'm about to get my hair dyed black again, right now, so besides that, anything else you can offer for advice? Now the chess game has really begun, and now I hardly have enough experience in place to win. Any ways to attract a Bisexual girl to a guy?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 I remember your story, I don't remember if I answered you or if I just meant to, but I am afraid I am one of those people who would tell you to let go.
It sounds like she may have been willing to save your life, yet she is not willing to go out with you.
I think you let wishful thinking cloud a bit your reading of the situation.
We have a legitimately,truly busy girl, that , though, is known occasionally having gone on dates. This means that she is selective and, out of her busy schedule, she CAN make time for some special guys that she is really very interested in.
Also, she has the pattern of backing out of dates with few days ( or few hours !) notice. The few hours notice flaking out is a red flag, it's actually disrespectful and
not polite, unless it's a real emergency !, but how many
real emergencies can you have in a year.
Why does she do this ? Well, many girls have troubles with being assertive, with simply saying " Sorry I am not interested ". They 'll go the passive -aggressive way , they'll say OK then come up with something last minute.
Again, if this happens once, it's ok. If it happens often, it's like she 's telling you in your face " Nobody died, and I was not mugged nor fell sick nor had a car accident, I was not fired nor lost all my money etc... YET I still cannot bother keeping my committment with you . I don't care if I promised you, I feel I can break my promises to you for any little thing that comes up ".
Also, the reason she is nice in theory and dismissive in practice may be because you are friend with her cousin and she wants to be diplomatic and don't look like "the bad guy " with a family friend.
Anyway, I don't think there is any fool proof way to make somebody respect their committments against their will. Least of all with an open-ended date like " dinner one of these days ". You could perhaps try instead with something that has a precise date and time,like asking her to accompany you to a specific concert or show or sport game
on a certain date ( not too far from the invitation day ) so, if she says yes , at least she will have scruples before backing out, ruining your evening and making you waste the ticket money.
But, honestly, I would not hold my breath .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): awww its so cute to finally see a guy worrying about this stuff... good for you. OK when you ask her and if she says yes make sure she tells you that she really wants to go because sometimes girls dont want to go but they say yes anyway. make sure she has a fun time crack a few jokes but not to many make sure to pay for her if you can. I am thinking that something simple to wear but also makes you look good defiantly use deodorant ew without it if shes laughing along and her eyes are bright and excited that means she is having a great time if shes really quiet that means either your doing something wrong or she ha something else going on in her life just be happy and fun mast girls like that but dont over do it and be respectful and at the end of the date and if you think she has had a great time just go "hey, i had a great time... maybe we should do this again next week?" or something like that good luck
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A
female
reader, sunandstars  +, writes (19 December 2010):
It sounds like this girl was probably just didn't like these guys but didn't want to hurt them so said yes to the date and then made up an excuse, so in response to your question, you can't really do anything, it seems that if she likes you she'll say yes and if she doesn't she'll then cancel. You're idea sounds cute and romantic, but you should choose a restaurant in your price range so you can pay - that'll make her feel special and is very cute. As for what you should wear, wear what expresses your personality, so if you're funny wear one of your funny t-shirts, but if you want it to be more formal perhaps wear a nice shirt and skinny jeans? And wash your hair and wear deoderant that smells nice, just be yourself and try display yourself in your best light. I'd love to know how things go, good luck!
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