A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 6 months has given me an ultimatum. Either I get rid of my on line friends and Date Site profiles,or he is going to leave. I have been on them for 3 years and enjoy it. I feel a bit like he is telling me what to do. Which shall I go for? Should I just pretend I have deleted my profiles? Why does he not trust me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 i would not mind online friends as long as it was above board and not flirting. I would object to dating sites.
so my vote:
give up the dating sites
and give me more info on these online friends...
males? females?
what do you do with these friends?
how do you have contact with them?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): Do you trust yourself? I wouldn't like it if my boyfriend was on a dating website - the clue being... its about trying to find a date? Get real. If you don't want the same things its not the right relationship.
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (14 November 2011):
6 months in on a relationship and you still have an active dating profile? Why would you do this? I suspect you don't think this guy is the one for you, or you would have deleted those profiles long ago.
If I were dating a girl for 6 months and she was still on dating websites, I would not be dating her.
The online friends however is another matter. I don't understand why he is asking you to delete your online friends. Telling you who you can and cannot speak to is unacceptable. I think there is probably more to this though that you're not telling us.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Ultimatums are always wrong but ... why are you still on DATING sites if you are in a relationship ?. Why do you enjoy them, what do you get out of them ?...
Dating sites are ( duh ) for dating, i.e. to get to know people in view of meeting , spending time together and developing a relationship or casual hook ups ( according to sites and personal choices ). They sound not so much wrong, as superfluous in your situation.
Plus, how are you representing yourself to people on these sites ? Do they know you have a boyfriend, do you tell or hint that you'd be open to cheat on him when it's not true , just to get their attention ? That would be intentionally misleading and very objectionable.
If it's just a hobby and you just enjoy the virtual company, there are tons of non romantic, non sexual sites and chats where you can share your hobbies and interests. So, if I were your bf, ..well I would not try to force you to do anything against your will, but I'd surely start asking myself a few questions about the relationship.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 November 2011):
 If they are friends and your not romantically involved, ask them to join you on a social network like facebook. If your still using a dating site he has every reason to suspect that your still looking for another partner to love.
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male
reader, eek +, writes (14 November 2011):
 good on him. I Hope if necessary he follows through with it.
You have a boyfriend so get off the dating websites. If you want a site you can get addicted to read the posts on dc and maybe even help a few people out by posting advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): You are being decietful to your fellow cyber lovers. You will have to dump him. Dont feel hard done to when he finds a real girlfriend. Remember,you'll still have your date site. You could even get a tattoo of your favorite dating site done as a sign of your unconditional love.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (14 November 2011):
He doesn't trust you because you are still active on dating websites! How would you like it if he was doing the same? Dating websites are aimed at hooking up poeple looking for a relationship of some kind, usually with the expectation of getting sexual. If you have spare time on your own then you could carry on secretly, but if you are lonely at times why dont you text or phone your bf? If you do it whilst with him then that is kind of cheating and I would wonder what you are getting from your relationship. If he just came out cold with an ultimatum like it sounds then, yes, he also has issues regarding how he talks to you, but sounds to me that you are mostly responsible for this situation.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 November 2011):
 This one's easy. HE issues you the ultimatun. YOU say to him, "Are you sure that you want to make that ultimatun?" He sez, "Yes," You say, "OK, then pack your things..."
How much easier could this be?????
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): You enjoy advertising yourself as single in dating sites eventhough you are in a commited relationship with a man already but you feel he's controlling you by telling you what to do with your cyber life. Tell me, would you be comfortable if your boyfriend has heaps of numbers of young ladies in his mobile phone?
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female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (14 November 2011):
 If he is your man, then delete your profile. You are ONE of the lucky ones that found someone that didn't disappear after the first date! Put down the mouse, and cultivate your new REAL-LIFE relationship.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Depends on what kind of Online friends you have.If it are people of the opposite sex that you flirt with and have sexual conversations, then I don't blame him - IF they however, are people you like talking to in a non-sexual matter - I can't see why you should have to stop talking to them.
As for dating profiles, well are you two exclusive? If you are, then you need to take your profile down. It is for single people. Leavng your profile up "tells" your partner that you are still looking for someone. That you think the grass is greener elsewhere and that he is your man, til you find "better". I kinda agree with that interpritation.
I don't like when anyone in a relationship feel the need to control who the partner can talk to, but I do feel a partner/bf/gf/spouse can set "rules" for HOW you talk to people on/off line.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): If you are happier being one of those sad individuals who have relationships and friendships through a computer, just tell him you choose dating sites. Dont two time the dating sites with him though. The dating sites may find out and dump you or beat him up.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Getting rid of your online friends...Not up for debate.
Getting rid of your dating profile when you're in a relationship...That's a must!
You still having your dating profile up says that you're still keeping your options open and that you're not serious about your boyfriend. So out of respect to your relationship, you need to delete the dating profile. There's no reason to have it still up and active. Don't lie about it or pretend..and you wonder why he doesn't trust you?? Because you would lie about something that petty!!
With that being said, people need to be careful when they go throwing out ultimatums. Sometimes the outcome isn't in their favor. I think your boyfriend giving you an ultimatum is a little drastic. He could have asked you nicely to delete your dating profile because it upsets him. Or has he been asking you???
I bet he has and you've just brushed him off. Again, you wonder why he doesn't trust you.
Anyways, the choice is yours..but I don't think he's asking too much. You can compromise with the online friends you will keep (it's a bit controlling for him to tell you to delete them) but you will delete your dating profile.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): You are either with the wrong guy or you shouldnt be in a relationship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): i wont advise you to get rid of the date site profiles,as for some reason i think it will ride over your head. i will advise you to get rid of the boyfriend. when you eventualy meet mr right you will get rid of the date profiles yourself and want to without anyone telling you what to do.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Online friends are one thing, but if you're in a relationship, it's customary to deactivate your dating site accounts. He probably does trust you, perhaps a lot, but there is literally no reason to have a dating site profile except to find other dates - what is he supposed to think about them?
Sometimes people tell others what to do - and sometimes those requests are completely normal and reasonable, and an adult will actually comply. A certain amount of give-and-take is normal and healthy.
Do not lie and "pretend" anything. How would you feel if he "pretended" to give up something you did not like about him? It's a manipulative way to get the benefits of dating a person without actually making any concomitant effort.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Why are you still on online dating sites if you have a boyfriend (and aren't in an open relationship)? It's incredibly disrespectful to him. I can't believe it's taken him 6 months to say this, most guys probably would have said it in the first or second month. I'd question how devoted you really feel to him if it didn't cross your mind to close them once you'd gotten into a relationship.
"Why does he not trust me?"
Because you have profiles on online dating sites! Basically you're sending the message that while you like being with him, you want to keep shopping. That he's not quite what you're looking for.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): Are you really ready for a relationship? I would opt for the date sites....you sound a better match.
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male
reader, asap09marc +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Chick, did you introduce yourself to him as an online dater? I assume you met in the real world and not a date site? First thing is to explain to him that to date an online dater,he has to accept you and the date sites as a package. Its love me love my dog. If he isnt mature enough to understand it then dump him.
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