A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 yrs, we tend to get in huge arguments about 2 times a year, they get to the point one of us is walking out. They usually start over something silly and usually him being annoyed by it (something in the dishwasher didn't get completely clean, there is clutter on part of our kitchen island) and usually turn in to him saying he doesn't know how he feels about me and me planning to leave, but then a couple hours later he apologizes and says he wants to be with me forever. All the mean things he said during our fight do not get wiped out with his apology and they are always in my mid and I feel insecure in our relationship. We have 2 young children as well, so leaving isn't something I take lightly. I would like to eventually get married and spend the rest of my life with him, but these fights always weigh heavily on me and leave me with doubts. It seems all our friends who have been together much less time than is are getting married and happy (I am happy for the most part, just when we have these fights) He isn't one to talk about how he feels, so he lets things build up until he explodes over something so minor and says things to hurt me, just that he isn't sure about us, and may make a snide comment about my past before him or my family, I know it is usually said in anger and he does apologize, but is this normal? I usually leave with my kids for 1 month of the year to stay with family (across country) so they can see our daughters while he stays home and likes his alone time, which I do not mind, I trust him and vice versa.. I am not sure if this is normal? Does this sound like a relationship that can work or am I wasting my time trying to make it work? I want it to work for me and our children, I just don't know if I am trying to make something work that can't..We get along great the rest of the time, it just seems to be these blow outs. I just want an outside opinion, as anyone else I ask kind of has a biased opinion. Thanks
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female
reader, ShiShisAdvice  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 I'm sorry, you have two children and you are not married??!! Set a date no later than 6 mos away, if you are not wed, then pack up your kids and leave. It's fine if you don't think marriage is important, but for your children, it is. Stop being so selfish and demand respect, which means marrying the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN. Unbelievable.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Off course the relationship can work. You just need to stop taking things so much to heart. Every couple have arguments every now and then and say nasty things to each other, it is part of most relationships, if it was happening on a weekly basis then I would say to you that maybe it is best you take a break, but twice a year is really quite good when it comes to arguments. Obviously he does let things build up. So sit down and tell him how you feel. Tell him that it makes you insecure when he says these things, talk to him and be open and honest with him. Communication is the key.
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