A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am 19 and at college. Over the last 2 years I have grown really close to one of my guy friends and for the last year I have been really attracted to him. For much of this year he flirted with me and even though I knew he liked another girl and was sleeping with his ex, he led me on and I fell completely head over heels. When I confessed this (I told him absolutely everything, I can't help it) he said he was sorry if he had hurt me but he didn't want me in that way. I think this would have been ok but he has never really stopped flirting and we have subsequently done stuff sexually (although without kissing...) I know he doesn't want me and after a year of emotions running high, being best friends and falling out and being friends again, I am trying to get past it. I can't do what people always suggest and stay away from him because he is in my friendship group. It feels like an addiction and I just want it to stop hurting (preferably before he gets a new girlfriend and I get jealous) and still be his friend. I don't know how to stop, it has been so long and all my other friends are obviously, justifiably fed up of all the drama and they know both of us so it is hard to talk sometimes about it,Please help! britgirl
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best friend, flirt, his ex, jealous, kissing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): Hi, this is Britgirl,Thank you for the advice but I just wanted to clear up a few things I don't think I made clear before. We are no longer doing 'stuff' and that was his choice not mine. He is my best friend and he doesn't want to mess things up by us carrying on like that. Also, I do trust him, I know he doesn't say bad things to friends about me because all his friends are in fact my friends. That is the problem, I was wondering if anyone could advise me on how to get over someone while seeing them all the time. Can we stay friends or will I have to stay away from him?Thanks again for the advice though, I have been tempted to convince him to reintroduce the 'friends with benefits' thing into our relationship but you have reminded me of how bad an idea that would be!
A
female
reader, sue88 +, writes (22 February 2008):
Keep away, don't let him use you. it's already wrote on this page what i would say so take the advice,Wouldn't it be nice for you to be in control of when and where for a change rather than when he wants it.Take charge and you never know, play hard to get and it may just work out good for you or you might see that he really isn't right for you.Best of luckSuex
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (22 February 2008):
 Good advice from hlskitten, he IS using you and what's more, you're allowing him to! Where is your self respect? Any man is going to flirt with a woman if he knows what he'll get at the end of it. He's told you he's not interested in having anything more yet you still allow yourself to be used by him? Why???I know you'll enjoy the attention but you're worth so much more than that. You don't know what he's saying to his mates about you afterwards so come on, stand up for yourself and you refuse HIM next time he comes onto you. He'll respect you for it all the more and might even chase after you as he'll see you as a challenge but don't give in to him. He's a player hun. You can still be in his company amongst your friends but wouldn't it feel so much better to be able to hold your head up high knowing that he wants you and you're out of reach?There are lots of wonderful guys out there who can be faithful in a one to one relationship. Forget having anything more than friendship with this guy. The right guy will come along when the time is right but it's NOT him!~Eve~
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (22 February 2008):
 Hi BritgirlWell basically, he is using you, and you are letting him. Somehow you need to realise you are worth more than what hes offering. Hes basically saying you are good enough for a fumble but nothing more, sounds blunt, but thats pretty much the size of it. And i cant think of many people that dont deserve more than that!You need to realise you have more to give someone. Have a bit more self esteem.Carrying on with the way things are is just going to grind your confidence into the ground.You need to be able to tell him enough is enough and if he cant atleast get into a proper relationship with you, then the sex is off the menu.Can you see yourself being able to do that, and if not, you need to ask yourself why.Good luck.C xxxxx
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