A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Mid June i met the most amazing guy, he’s brought a lot of happiness and Comfort to me at a bad time. My mom was diagnosed with blood cancer around six months ago and shes has just been on a steady decline, shes been hospitalized weeks at a time and currently is, its been the hardest six months of my life and I don’t think I would have been able to get through it up until now without him. He’s been there for me more than most of my friends and family and always goes above and beyond for me to feel safe and loved. I grew such strong feelings, I can ultimately see myself spending the rest of my life with him and everyday he reassures me that he feels the same. He tells me he loves me more than anything and i make him so happy, I’m beyond grateful for meeting him, but somedays i try not to get my hopes to high because I’ve been let down so many times in the past and the biggest catch here is he’s never made it official. He has yet to officially ask me to be his girlfriend. We’ve had the conversation before and he said he doesn’t consider himself single but he feels only right to meet my family first, a few days ago he met my dad and a few other members of my family and I’m still patiently waiting. Last night I brought him to a friends birthday party and he brought up meeting my mom when he knows my mom is hospitalized and not doing good. I like and respect that he wants to meet my mother it really means the world to me, but the circumstances are unfortunate right now , but if i mean all that much to you why is this one thing holding you back? Or what is holding you back? Its really frustrating at this point. I don’t know how much longer I can be stringed along. Does anyone have any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2020): Ask him again. If he cares about you and is serious about you, he will give you an honest answer whatever that may be. With that said, actions ultimately speak louder than words and his actions are showing you that he's committed. Also, its only been 3 months together so completely understandable why it's not official (if it isn't-- which is why you're asking to find out).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2020): Just to avoid confusion I think this guy already likes you And is keen to progress.
However, his interpretation of 'being official' means getting engaged and although he is happy to meet with family members it really is too soon to talk of 'officialdom'.
Perhaps you have an inner voice of caution.
Maybe you are concerned that he has another romantic interest.
But it's all going well, so from now on slow down a bit on your need for a title.
You can call him your boyfriend as that's what he is.
You can ask him if he's seeing anyone other than you.
You are the prize he needs to work for, so if you want to see progress take things a little slower.
You could plan a holiday together for next year...That assumes some longevity to your relationship.(Well, about a year at least!)
If you're already having sex together, then you had better call him your 'boyfriend'!
Otherwise he would just be friends with benefits.
If he is consistent about seeing you and wants to make future plans such as holidays with you then you can move it along from there.
But if he thinks you want a ring on your finger after such a short time together, he may think you are 'pushing it to happen'.
He sounds as if he is just as happy as you are.
But why not just ask him in if he is seeing anyone else but you?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (14 September 2020):
 Why are the younger generation so obsessed with "official" labels these days? In my day, you were either going out with someone or you weren't. Nobody needed labels. There was no such thing as "we are seeing each other but we are not official". It's all beyond me, I'm afraid.
Surely his actions are more important than a label? You have found what sounds to be a good man; don't spoil the relationship by overthinking it. It's only been a few weeks; what's your rush?
I hope your mum is ok.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2020): This is what caught my attention:
"We’ve had the conversation before and he said he doesn’t consider himself single but he feels only right to meet my family first, a few days ago he met my dad and a few other members of my family and I’m still patiently waiting."
Why doesn't he consider himself single? If he doesn't, wouldn't that explain why he isn't making it official?
Here's something that is hard to explain to women; but it is a fact, and maybe some might understand.
Some guys are kind, valiant, and heroic. They have an inherent nobleness that drives them to rush to the rescue of women/people in distress. For all practical-purposes; maybe he does love you, and he has said so. That love could be platonic; or of a more spiritual-nature, born of his faith. He got to know you, he spent a lot of time with you, and he knows you needed comforting and reassurance. If a guy really wants a relationship; there is no unreasonable delay or hesitance, he commits. He should take time to establish his feelings, and know the origins and true-nature of his love-interest. He will only delay; if there is someone else, he detects a few red-flags, or he isn't romantically-attached. He could be very fond of you, but he doesn't consider himself single. Which must mean he is legally-separated, pending a divorce; or still working on a failed, or failing-relationship with someone else. Which I find extremely odd you'd mention it, but not explain it!
He also has to take it into account, that sometimes people tend to fall in-love with their rescuer. They also become emotionally-dependent; and that isn't real love. Dependency can be smothering, draining, and clingy. It would be best for him to allow you to get a better perspective on your feelings; to know what they truly mean, and what kind of feelings you really have for him. Are they just a need to have someone to constantly cling to and drown in your dependency? Are you overwhelmed with gratitude, and just can't allow yourself to let him go? If these aren't his actual reasons; under the circumstances, they should be seriously considered.
In my opinion, you shouldn't rush it. He shouldn't either, or you may not have the kind of feelings for him that he truly wants from you. I don't expect a lot of women to like my answer; but sometimes people find the truth in my words, when they test them with the reality of experience. Everyone wants a "happily ever after;" but adults have to look at things through the eyes of reason, prudence, and maturity. If he's not making it official, and yet repeatedly claims to love you; consider that a caveat.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2020):
 You met him half June . It is barely half September now ! Less than 3 months , and he has already met your father and a few memebers of the family. And he is not going to meet your mother right now, because frankly it does not sound like it's the best moment for her to receive social calls
Hold your horses. What's your hurry ? less than 3 months ! Ok, if someone wants to deceive you and make a fool of you 3 °days° can be enough, but it really does not seem that this guy is stringing you along or making fun of you. You say yourself that since when you met he has been always been there for you and supported you in these troubled time MORE than your friends and family !
Then again, if you really think you'd be happier with the official title- ask him. Now it's normal for women propose to men, immagine if they cannot ask for the title of gf.
Tell him that all considered , being that you are dating exclusively, and anyway that he has met already the family members whom it was possible to meet at this time... you'd rather he officialized your dates and gave you the official label of girlfriend. Why not ?
I think he should not have a problem with that, if everything is as peachy as you say. Probabaly he just sort of forgot, or did not think the label was important for you- man can be a bit oblivious.
Then again, if he has objections, fears , misgivings- then he can voice them and you can talk about it and see if
you come to an agreement. Always better than guessing and doubting and rehashing things secretly in your mind !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 September 2020):
 TBH. I don't see him stringing you along.
Why not simply ask him?
Are we BF/GF? Tell him that a label would make YOU feel better about everything. You would think he knows if he wants you two to be official or not by now.
BUT, by going with his ACTIONS it seems like he sees himself as your BF. He seems to invest a LOT in this relationship as far as support and care.
My guess is he feels it's automatic that you are GF/BF because he HAS met most of your family by now.
A lot of people don't ASK and don't define "what they are" because they both know they are a couple.
I'd say ask again.
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A
female
reader, AnnaGreen +, writes (14 September 2020):
 Your man has told you why he is holding back. He is devoted to you in many ways, so many ways that you rejoice and are over the moon. But before he can be 100% he wants to meet your family - which makes him cautious and old fashioned. How is this a problem? Your parents are nice normal people so what is the problem? In the old days people would want to marry some woman and go and as her father's for her hand in marriage. Things change over time but feelings do not. If someone loves you a lot they love you or not. Your guy will still love you a lot when he has met your mother.He does not need to tell you that you are together, his actions show it. There are lots of men out there who would be telling you all of those wonderful things you long to hear - just to get you into bed or string you along. Actions mean far more.As for marriage - if this is your ultimate goal.Why is it so important? I was married and could not wait to get a divorce... (at the time I had to marry the man, I had no better choice, and no it was not because I had got pregnant, I have more sense). It is just a piece of paper. There are no guarantees that people who get married or live together stay together or stay happy.I am glad to say that I have been with a lovely, caring man for seven years and we are not married and have no intention of it. But he is totally committed to me and I to him. This way we both work at it and do not get lazy and take each other for granted. This way the World does not just see me as if I am his partner. I don't agree with pressure to change my surname or live in the man's shadow. Nor do I agree that if we one day decide to split up he owns half of my assets, properties and businesses.Every situation is different. But no matter how much you love someone you must love yourself too and first.And protect yourself for things that could happen in the future. Think about love, it is important, but be pragmatic and sensible too.I once knew a lady who owned an enormous house (she inherited it from her deceased husband, in my case I earned it all myself). She took in a lodger, ended up sleeping with him, ended up marrying him, ended up losing half of her assets. Now she struggles to pay her bills.
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