A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met with a guy friend over the week end for lunch. We hadn't seen each other for about 9 or so months but message each other maybe on average once a month.I have been in a relationship for 18 months and my friend knows this as I regularly talk about my boyfriend. When we finished lunch and were saying good-bye he tried to kiss me. I was surprised by this as obviously wasn't expecting it. I didn't say anything to him at the time and neither of us have been in contact since.Why we were having lunch our hands accidentally touched and I felt his hand linger as a I was removing mine but thought maybe I was being paranoidI've been feeling really weird about it since and don't know how to confront my friend about it or tell my boyfriend. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2020): I think it's time you cool-it with the friend and put a little distance between you. You had an opportunity to tell him that you're strictly friends, and you are faithful to your boyfriend. Instead, you left him with the impression that maybe there's a chance.
Why did you hesitate to do that?
That was your chance to set a boundary. To define the relationship as strictly platonic; and let him know that his behavior was totally out of line.
No more lunch-dates. If your friend is hitting on you, he doesn't respect your relationship; and he showed you disrespect by presuming you'd cheat on your boyfriend. He let you know that he's up for it, if you are.
Then the question asked at DC a zillion times. If you should tell your boyfriend?
What good would telling your boyfriend do? It would compromise his trust; because you didn't set the guy straight by telling him he was out of line, and asking him never to try anything like that again! Best you not be alone with the guy again if you didn't use that moment to set your boundaries and check him for crossing the line. It almost seems you're pleased about it. Don't upset your boyfriend. You went on a lunch-date alone with a guy, while you have a boyfriend; so the guy figured you're game for a fling. It wasn't his place to set any boundaries, it was yours! You're not that naive.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2020): If you already have a steady bf and he is aware of that and you feel touchy about his hand touching yours by accident during the lunch or him trying to kiss you goodbye after the meeting then why on earth did you go to lunch with him? I hope you paid for your lunch and he paid for his. My advice cut contacts with him and let him know you are not available and encourage him to look for another girl if he wants a relationship.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (15 September 2020):
 So, Do you still think you can have other sex friends when you are in a committed relationship?
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A
female
reader, AnnaGreen +, writes (15 September 2020):
 You sound quite young. This sort of thing has happened to me many times - sometimes the guy is chancing his arm and trying it on and at other times it is totally innocent. There is no need to be a drama queen and make a big issue out of it. No need to tell your boyfriend. He will not be able to work out what the other guy's motives are and will probably misunderstand and say you led him on and blame you. Either meet the guy again or do not - simple, no need to make a big issue out of such a tiny thing. If you do meet him again now he will know you are more interested in him than just wanting a friend. Surely, as you have a boyfriend that is out of the question.I very much doubt this guy was a real friend, sounds more like an acquaintance who was hoping for sex from the start, and does not care whether or not you have a boyfriend or sleep with other men too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 September 2020):
 Why wouldn't you speak up if he tried to kiss you (on the mouth I presume)? Just say, a hug will do.
And why do you need to tell your BF? If you didn't DO anything wrong, why confront or confess? There is really nothing to tell.
Now you can tell him, you know it was a little weird seeing my friend "XX" he was a little awkward.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (14 September 2020):
 Are you sure you never mistakenly took a goodbye kiss for something more?.
If he did try to kiss you i would not bother confronting your friend about this. Neither of you have been in contact since so maybe he feels awkward about the whole thing.
If you have no feelings for this guy i would forget the whole thing and refrain from meeting up with him again. I don't really even see the point of bringing it up with your boyfriend to be honest, you haven't done anything wrong or underhand, so broaching the subject with him might cause unnecessary complications. Just don't meet up with him anymore and get on with your life.
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