A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who is engaged to be married but is very unhappy in his relationship. We have recently discovered that we have strong feelings for eachother. The issue is his fiancee is 5 months pregnant (unplanned). We would never act on those feelings for eachother while he is still in a relationship with her, and he will put his unborn child first and foremost. Right now he is in confusion as to whether or not to stay with his fiancee for the sake of his child.Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Should I just move on or wait it out for a bit to see what he decides?Thanks
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (27 August 2012):
 You think you might wait around and see what HE decides???
Are you nuts? You have been given the gift of seeing the guy for cheating sleezebag that he is (not to mention your own part in this) lots of women don't find out until they have invested a lot more into their relationship than you have. Writing's on the wall, smell the coffee, etc....
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 August 2012):
 he does not need to marry a woman who is pregnant with his child to put the baby first...
my take on this:
YOU need to extract yourself totally 100% from this mess.
LET him figure out what to do with the fiance (my advice is NOT to marry if you don't love and can get out of it)
after he's ended it with her and healed from that THEN you two can carry on... NOT before.
1. she will always blame you AND she will always be around (there is a child that ties them) if you are not the reason she can blame for this then she can't blame you but even if you aren't the reason and you are around and with him she will blame you
2. he needs a clear head to think about this and figure out what he really wants
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 August 2012):
If you get involved with him, years from now, the situation will be the same, but with you in a different position. Another woman will post the question on this website, saying that the person she's interested in is currently in an "unhappy" relationship with you. And the cycle continues.
You know what's right. Don't be a coward.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 August 2012):
 Put yourself in his fiance's shoes for one minute and think...what if it were you in her place? And just think, what kind of a man would do that to his fiance? He's already cheating on her with you, tomorrow he's going to cheat on you with someone else. The "unhappy" excuse is plain bullshit, if he's THAT unhappy why doesn't he just leave her and yet agree to be involved in his child's life? Remember, what goes around, comes around. There will be a day when he will be "unhappy" with you too.
And also, I can bet that if this guy has told you that the pregnancy is unplanned, he's LYING. Of course that's his cop out! "Oh honey, we didn't even plan on the baby, she tricked me and got pregnant and then insisted on keeping the baby! Trust me, I dont even love her, we hadn't slept together in ages and the one time we did, this happened!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): If the child comes first in his eyes that's great, and as for the marriage that's an issue they need to address by themselves, you shouldn't have any influence on his decision.
The only hope you two have of being together at the end of this, is to take a step back for a while and allow them to reach a mutual decision on a possible break up, but where there's also a mutual agreement that he is still granted contact with the child.
The child comes first in his eyes so if you play and immediate part in the break up and his fiance finds out he's abandoned her and the baby for another woman, I very much doubt she will allow him any contact with the child after its born, and that will do his head right in and put a strain on you and him.
I'm not going to throw judgment your way because we can't help who we fall for, and most people do follow their hearts, but that's my advice above.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): I have feelings for a friend and he knows that and has feelings for me it he would never leave his girlfriend for me and I wouldn't expect him to how would you feel if you were his pregnant fiancé? Please stay away for the sake of that child and the mother if he isn't happy he will end it anyway and come looking for you if his intentions are there but if you ask me he's a bit of a playboy and wants you just for sex
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A
female
reader, neomum  +, writes (27 August 2012):
Remove yourself from this situation and find a man who is free and let this guy sort himself out and do the right thing for his child.At the moment he'e having his cake and eating it too. Delete his number from your phone and any social sites your both with as you will only carry on as you are with him if you don't. Secondly if he is willing to cheat on her he WILL cheat on you too.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 August 2012):
 You've gotta hear me on this:
What if it was your mom? What if it was your sister? What if it was your best friend in the entire world whose fiance cheated on her while she was pregnant?
It takes a special and horrifying trait in a man to betray, devastate, and ultimately abandon a pregnant fiance, wife, or girlfriend. This should send up red flags to you about him the likes of which should stop your feelings icy cold and vow never ever to even consider a man who would do that to someone else.
Think about it. The old "I'm unhappy in my relationship" is the oldest and most worthless line in existence. Seriously, he's trying to sleep with you, and telling you that his fiance is beautiful, kind, and loving isn't the best line to get you to be an accomplice to his cheating.
If he was this unhappy, he has a mouth and can use it to say "I can't go through with marrying you. I'll still be there for our child, but I can't continue with you". The fact that he hasn't said that, and instead is sneaking around looking for some strange shows that he's really a bad person.
What are you going to gain, even if he leaves her? He'll have serious baggage, you'll have zero trust, and how could you have a child with him knowing that he has a taste for abandoning women when the going gets tough?
The baby might be unplanned, but the sex was definitely planned, and there will be more planned. If you start sleeping with him and she finds out, he's going to give her a different line about how she was in no mood for sex, so he used you and it meant nothing to him.
Don't get into this one bit. Don't just *not act* on your feelings. SHUT THEM DOWN COLD and stop talking to the guy. To not do so will seriously impact your life, your relationships, and your self-evaluation forever.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (27 August 2012):
 Move on. If you're both still inclined to pursue something if and when he and his fiance part ways then by all means see where it goes.Never wait on anyone.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 August 2012):
 Get on with your life, remove yourself from his, unless you are prepared to accept he is a whole package, ie him and his pregnant fiance.
His confusion could simply be due to the unexpected changes in his life, a pregnant fiance whose body is undergoing amazing changes and the impending arrival of a brand new human being will be be very, very dependant on him.
If you and he were meant to be the time to act would have been before the engagement and before the pregnancy, if your friendship came into being AFTER both those events you are playing with fire and being a bitch. I sincerely hope that is not the case.
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