A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I grew up in foster care bouncing from home to home and shelter to shelter. When I was 16 I was placed with foster parents that were very close in age 23 and 25. I remained there until I aged out of the system at 18. While living there my foster dad and I never crossed any boundaries nor were attracted to each other in a sexual way. However years later he found out that my foster mom had been cheating on him their entire marriage-they divorced and she remarried months later. He is now single as am I. We spend a little time together and have learned that there are feelings between us. Strong feelings. My heart loves this man and he is such a great person. He has been divorced for going on two years now and has had other relationships, so I don't believe what he sees in me is rebound. I belive these are genuine feelings. He has three children from his previous marriage and I have have one. We live in a small town and his ex wife whom I still talk to says that him and I in a relationship that is completely inappropriate.A lot of that is her jealousy wanting to be back with him. I have found out this week that I am pregnant with his child. What am i to do? No one knows about our relationship because of our fear of jusgement. Is it really wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): I have to disagree. I can't imagine how you could look at each other in a romantic way when you were entrusted to them as a foster child and he was 1/2 of your foster parent unit.
I fail to see why your foster mums disapproval towards this relationship would be due to jealousy, since it sounds like she hadn't loved him for a long time before you was even fostered into their care, and has since remarried anyway.
A lot of people, in fact I believe more would frown on your relationship than approve of it, and even more so if you give birth to his child.
If you're having doubts about what you're doing, ask yourself why so many people would be against this going ahead, and think of possible consequences.
All those people share that view for a common reason, and they all can't be wrong.
Obviously its not incest as you're not blood related, but the nature of the relationship you and he had in the past I believe still makes it immoral.
Bottom line is its your life your decision, its you that will have to carry the weight of the judgment and criticism on your shoulders, not to mention the impact it may have on your child if this is ever revealed, not any of us.
Children and adults alike can be very nasty, and you know if it ever got around your child's school that "His or her" mum was also "His or her" fathers foster daughter it won't be pleasant.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (27 August 2012):
 Absolutely nothing wrong with your relationship with him. Do not believe his ex. I know you feel guilty, because she was probably nice to you back then, but you don't own her anything. She cheated for years, they divorced, he dated other people before he started having feeling for you. Both of you deserve to be together, happy, and guilt free. Congratulations on your new baby. Take care of your health, and body because now your baby depends on you.
I wish you the very best!!!
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (27 August 2012):
 Nothing wrong whatsoever, and no problem. As there are no shared genes or legal relationship, you are just two normal, unconnected adults, so why should there be anything to inhibit your future happiness?
I cannot see why anybody would even THINK of making a moral judgement about you.
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A
female
reader, neomum +, writes (27 August 2012):
i see nothing wrong with your relationship at all your both adults and you didn't start a relationship until years later so i say enjoy it hand congrats on the baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!Just kidding lol Well it definitly is a different situation but your age difference is no big deal at 7 to 9 years difference, you are an adult. Technically there is nothing wrong with this since your not blood related and he didnt adopt you, it is legal. This just comes down to that some people will not see past that and think that this is completely wrong, you two will have to stand by each other. Seeing as you already had those strong feelings for him and dont want to be with him just because of your child, i say go for it. If it doesnt work out im sure a man with already three kids will support you with his own child. You need to tell him about the pregnancy first and decide what you want together.I wish you the best of luck with this and please let us know how it goes.
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