A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, im a 16 year old girl really need some advice...i recently got a job on weekends and at my interview met a boy who is now 21.ive been working for 2 months now and weve become better friends over this time, he was always helping me out and coming to see me on my breaks and that.However, recently its turned into a bit more than friendship and weve started a relationship so first id like to know what you think about this, like the age gap of 5 years and that?But there is one other problem :/ i recently found out he is actually engaged. He never mentioned even having a girlfriend but when i confronted him he said it didnt matter, and to stop worrying about it, hed sort things out and said he wanted to carry on with mewhat do you think about this? any help would be appreciated, no hating on me thoughthankyou xx
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female
reader, champilyn  +, writes (10 January 2010):
 it's hard to accept this kind of fact. he's been lying to you for awhile, but I guess, he really likes you, and that's the reason why he couldn't tell you right away... it depends on how you see things, but if I were in your shoes, I say give him time, and when that time is up, and he didn't break up with the girl, then it's time to say goodbye. And tell him to talk to you, I mean don't let him just tell you to not mind it, because you REALLY should.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): honey........sigh.........let me tell you about my father-in-law. he was met my mother in law when she was 16. they dated. he even took her to dinner and everything. he was older and then he got her pregnant. yes it the old story. they married when she was 17 and in 4 years they had 4 kids. when she was 21 they divorced. he was already sleeping with another 16 year old.and while his wife was at home he took her to dinner and everything, and she got pregnant. so he married her. and while they had a newborn baby he started sleeping with another 16 year old that he worked with. he took her to dinner and everything and got her pregnant. divorce number 2 quickly followed and marriage 3. since that one ended he has slept with other 17 year olds and even kicked one daughter out one night because her 17 year old friend wouldnt sleep with him. and yes i know this will never happen to you. sigh.....hes not one of the good guys and you will end up hurt...
"ok so he lied. doesnt everyone but yeah fair enough i wouldnt want my boyfriend to do that to me but im single im doing nothing wrong so dont accuse this of being my fault. You make him sound a nasty guy hes not like that
you seriously think im stupid. I have sex before i do no what im doing and what involves. And yeah we know how to use condoms so why are you even bringing pregnancy into it¬¬. Ha actually its not, weve been out for dinner and everything so your wrong there.
so what maybe i want a bit of fun, im not a kid so i dont want to be spoken to like one, i asked for advice not a lecture"
trust me its not gonna be fun...and you will be hurt. and you will be back on here asking what to do like so many others...and when you do..we will be here...*sigh* mal
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A
male
reader, Jager +, writes (8 January 2010):
ok kid listen up. He wants you to be his bit on the side. If this is ok with you then regardless of what other people think say and feel do what you like. But remember this is a bit of fun its sex not a relationship its not easy its very very complicated and you need to stay in control.
Dongt get into a relationship with this guy he's not bf material. good luck
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A
female
reader, xXxLisaxXx +, writes (7 January 2010):
Look hun I know you feel mature and in some ways you are but if you aren't going to listen to the advice of these people (which is good advice) maybe I could put it another way to you with what happened to me ...
When I was 16 (I am now 19 by the way)I fell for a guy who was older than me and I got very close to him. He told me he had a girlfriend and he 'failed to mention it' at first. No he didn't lie but it was as bad as. He kept from me that he was engaged to her and he also married her. He carried on seeing me for a further 2 years because I was too stupid and immature (compared to him) to understand I was also blinded by my love for him. But tell me this why would he marry someone else if he truly cared for me? He didn't I was a younger model who could give him a spicier sex life and he could manipulate because of the age difference!
I'm not trying to give a life story but I just want you to get out because every day you spend with him he will pull you in closer making it hard for you to leave. You feel like you know what you're doing but he knows better! Please believe me after 2 years (3 years now) it is still affecting me, I still love him but I know I did the right thing (he is still married to her). This guy will marry this woman ok I'm sorry but he will. I'm not much older than you so i ain't going to preach about age! Just don't get caught in his net - the way you are going because it will (not to sound dramatic) tear you apart if you develop concrete feelings for him as time goes on.
Me and you are both young and no-one our age should be committing to something like that especially not an affair!! You wouldn't have wrote on here if you didn't think something was wrong. Get out before it gets even harder and live life like you should hun there are so many guys out there who have time just for you :) Let me know what you decide to do because of all people I cannot judge lots of love and good luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, ashaseth01  +, writes (7 January 2010):
HiA guy who has already proposed to a girl will not leave her for someone else. Guys dont like being tied down with a wedding band and therefore they put in a lot of thought before proposing to someone. If you are indeed not a kid, you must know that he wont leave his fiancee for you. However if you just want to be with this guy for fun and know for sure that you wont be hurt later on or fall in love with him... then by all means go on. But remember that you are worth much more. You deserve much better than the lying, deceiving ass that you are dating. You shouldnt settle for anybody less than the best. You are only 16, but when you are older, this might just be the decision you will regret.. So choose well dear. All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRight course i wanted advice or i wouldnt have asked would i? i dont expect someone to talk to me like a little kid though so yeah i appreciate the advice from "caring guy".i dont think i know everything at all actually but ive gone through alot more than i bet you did by the time you were 16.i know its a serious situation, but it he really thinks that why is he bothering me he doesnt have to! ever thought he isnt ready to get married, he wants a bit of fun. Course i get it, hes got a fiancee, theres another woman in the raltionship, whatever. why should i care, i dont know her, its his decision and as he tells me im betetr than his fiancee, im younger and sexier so why wouldnt he choose me?ok so he lied. doesnt everyone but yeah fair enough i wouldnt want my boyfriend to do that to me but im single im doing nothing wrong so dont accuse this of being my fault. You make him sound a nasty guy hes not like that.you seriously think im stupid. I have sex before i do no what im doing and what involves. And yeah we know how to use condoms so why are you even bringing pregnancy into it¬¬. Ha actually its not, weve been out for dinner and everything so your wrong there.so what maybe i want a bit of fun, im not a kid so i dont want to be spoken to like one, i asked for advice not a lecture
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (7 January 2010):
 Ok, I take it from your response that you didnt actually want honest advice, you wanted someone to tell you to keep doing it no matter the consequences?
At 16 you are young, and you are inexperienced. I know you think you know everything, and all there is to know about love, sex and relationships.
Teenage relationships are very different from full on, adult ones.
I am not trying to belittle you, but when you are 21, you will realise how you could NEVER imagine dating a 16 year old. You are in way over your head with this one. It isnt a game, this is serious. There is someone else involved, his fiancee, and she thinks she is going to spend her life with someone who loves her, when in fact he is prepared to screw teenagers behind her back.
I do hope you do know what you are doing, because at the moment, you are having an affair with a soon to be married man. He is attached, he has a fiancee - does that mean NOTHING to you at all ? Or are you too selfish and wrapped up in your own little world of "mature" "I know what im doing" to care about the other woman involved in this love triangle?
The fact is he did LIE, because he omitted to tell you he had a fiancee. That is lying after the fact. He knowingly went out and had an affair behind his partners back.
WHY would you want to be with a guy who is prepared to do that? How would you feel if that was your boyfriend having sex with another girl? Would you be ok with that?
Just remember - IF you get pregnant, you will not see him for dust. Im guessing this is just about sex? Does he take you out anywhere? No? Wonder why?
I do hope this doesnt all blow up in your face, because you are the one who will get hurt.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 January 2010):
He may not have lied, but trust me he's one to avoid. Well and truly stay away from him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): "But there is one other problem :/ i recently found out he is actually engaged" Okay hold on right there. I'd say that IS the problem. The age? Who cares about his age? He's already involved with another woman so whatever his age is turns irrelevant. He didn't LIE to you? Yes he did. He led you to believe he wasnt seeing anyone else. Thats lying. NO he didn't directly say "I have no girlfriend" but it's taken as a GIVEN that when you are already involved you DONT start it off with other people, so yes he did lie to you. Which is a huge red flag on its own. He is highly likely to leave out LOTS of information and not tell you about the other women he is involved with and fooling around with. Not to mention it shows absolutely no respect for you. He is using you. Dont buy into awnything he says about "love" or whatever. He wants to carry on with you because he gets it from both you, his fiancee, and whoever else he has on the side. Show some standards and ditch this dude. Or else you will be treated as a side dish for the rest of your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): HelloYou are too young to be messed about. You could find a really nice lad your own age who will treat you better with kindness you deserve.Now you have found out he is a liar you would be best to say to him that although you liked him, you don't want a realtionship with someone who can so easily betray someone he is supposed to be marrying. If he can do it to a girl he is engaged to he would do it to you too. I hope you don't carry on with him. At the moment he is getting the best of both worlds. He can be with you and go back and be with another girl. I can't imagine you want to be his bit on the side, he would be sleeping with both of you and potentially there is the risk of STI's. Not forgetting the pain of knowing that when he leaves your bed, when your out of sight he'll be straight into his fiancee's without a second thought. If your feelings become stronger you won't be able go any further as he will be with someone else.Take care of yourself and have fun with some people nearer your own age : )
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A
female
reader, stella-confused/angry +, writes (7 January 2010):
Dump him you don't want to be the cause of why that girl is going to be heart broken and deppressed plus he never told you so i bet that he was never ever going to tell ya about it and plus look at the age different 5 years of difference as well as he seems like a prat so i say dump himxxx stella-confused/angry
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBy the way i know i sound young at 16 but its not like ive never experienced relationships before. yeah maybe i have slept with him but i know what im doing. he didnt lie to me about having a fiancee he just didnt mention it :/thankyou for you advice though, its appreciated
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (7 January 2010):
He is using you.
Regardless of age gap (although I do think he is too old for you), any man who cheats on a fiancee is BIG trouble.
He sees you as an easy target, someone he can have a bit of a fling with (I do hope you havent slept with him yet), and then he will dump you like a hotcake.
The fact he didnt tell you about his fiancee says it all. How would you feel if you were her? He is attached, and off limits. If she finds out, he will dump you. If she doesnt find out, he will dump you as soon as he gets married.
He will not leave her for you.
What type of man does that make him? He is cheating on her, and that means he will more than likely cheat on you too. He is a liar - he lied to you about having a fiancee and he is lying to her too.
You need to walk away from this one, as you are only going to get hurt.
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