A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well im a 26 year old who was with someone who is 39 and we've known each other for about 5 years. we have been together 3 years and i recently got a phone call from a woman who told me they have been together for 9 years. He admitted they were together but he wasnt happy. Which she also admitted. I tried leaving him but he looks for me all the time and calls me. He also told her that he loved me and she also told me that she was willing to let him go. My question is I do love him but should I stay with someone that has lied to me and her for so long? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 Why would you want to stay with someone who is a liar and a cheater. If you do stay with him, you're a liar and a cheater too. What does that say about the two of you? It paints a nasty picture.
I'd like to know some more information about the relationship you have with this guy. Do you live in the same city? How could so much time pass without an indication that this guy was married? There must have been red flags popping up along the way?
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (23 June 2007):
 Hi there sweetness,
No way should you continue to see this guy! You don't deserve to be lied to... and since he found it so easy to lie to you for all five years you knew each other, what makes you think he's not lying about more things, or will do it in the future?
You deserve much better. You and the woman he's been seeing for nine years. This guy has played you both and you're lucky that you found out before you made any huge commitments to him (i.e. marriage or children).
Find a guy who loves you enough to respect you and be honest with you. There are so many other fish in the sea, sweetness.
Good luck and stay strong!
xxIndia
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (23 June 2007):
Cmmitment, commitment commitment that's the name of the Love-Game. It kind of Looks as if you bf's nine year relationship with the other woman, some of those years while he was playing your Lover, has like a bad patch on a tire blown-out. If he coudn't get it together with her. Do you think he'll be able to get it together with you? Lots of us, both gender, tend to think with our genitals. Perhaps that is what you are doing right now in you relationship. Absence may not make the heart grow fonder, but it's great to straighten out a messed up mind. You know what's the right thing to do,Sweetheart. It's better to have loved and lost in 4,years, than toremain in another 5,year dead-end relationship. Please, Think about that. Okay.
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A
female
reader, Artemesian  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 How can you ever trust him if he managed to cover up such a big lie for so many years? If you can have a happy relationship not trusting him then...but evidently you can't so there isn't much else to say really than to move on and find someone who will respect you. Good luck : )
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (23 June 2007):
 No way. If he did it once, he'll do it again.
DV1
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A
male
reader, Arthur  +, writes (23 June 2007):
Answer: Since you are not sure WAIT. Think about these questions objectively in the mean time:1. why is the other woman so willig to let him go if he is good?2. If he was willing to engage in a five year affair does he really love you for your sake, or maybe he just needs someone after being rejected?3. If he has done it for 5 years aren't there strong chances he will do it again?4. Are there any lessons YOU need to learn about any contribution you might have made for things to get this bad?After waiting if you see signs of genuine change you may give it a go. This will be a responsible course of action.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 No, dear. When you love somebody, you don't lie. He doesn't love you or the other lady.Now, I wonder if this woman really called to tell you that "she wants to let him go". If she wanted to do just that, why did she need to tell you? Why not just stop seeing him?If he was able to hide this relationship from you, what makes you think he will not be hiding any other relationships later?So, again:Should you stay with someone that has lied to you and her for so long?No.
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