A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I work as a teacher and there is a substitute teacher who works regularly at my school. I've always thought he was quite nice. We chat occasionally in the staff room and have quite a bit in common-music, movies, love of travel etc. He has even started calling me the occasional nickname and jokes around a bit. During the last week of term he filled in for a colleague (my co-care group teacher). Therefore he was with me every morning for twenty minutes with my care group. This is where it gets weird. On the last morning of term he asked me if I was doing anything after school to celebrate end of term. I said 'no' as I was being taken out to dinner by a friend who had missed my birthday party the weekend before. I think he then said that it would be nice down at the beach that afternoon, maybe a few drinks at a popular local pub (he was sort of going round in circles). As we were walking out he said he'd let me know before the end of the day. I didn't see much of him that day but we would be meeting our care group at the end of the day for end of term yard cleanup.After the cleanup the students came in to my classroom to grab their schoolbags and we were saying goodbye to them etc. He started walking out with one of the last students and I assumed he was going to hang around a bit and let me know what was going on. But he walked out, didn't turn around and didn't even say 'goodbye, have a good break', as you would to a fellow colleague. I got quite upset, not so much about the drinks but more that he didn't say goodbye. I'm sure I didn't do anything to warrant that treatment. All I can think is that he lost his nerve and that if he had said goodbye he would've had to explain himself.The next week I sent him a Facebook message with a link referring to something that had been on TV the night before which we had discussed once. I then ended the message with a comment about how I had wanted to thank him on Friday for helping me out with the care group but he had 'disappeared'. I didn't want to give him a hard time but I wanted him to realize that I had noticed. It's been eight days and no response.I know he's busy though as he also holds down another job. So, what does it all mean and how do I handle it? We are back at school next week but he may not be around much next term, he usually eases off then to concentrate on his other job. Btw, not sure if this is relevant - I am five years older than him but act/look much younger and he knew about my recent major birthday.Any insights/comments/advice would be much appreciated!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks girls, I know it has been a few weeks but as always things get really busy when returning to work. Just thought I'd let you know that he did respond to my fb message the last Friday of the holidays. He seemed genuinely pleased to hear from me but didn't refer to 'the incident'. He did mention however that he had not been asked to cover the other teacher for the first week back and seemed to be a bit disappointed by that (I knew another teacher was doing it anyway). He's only been in once over the last two weeks, we didn't get to talk much but things seemed ok.
Anyway, I'm just going to keep being myself as I've always been and he may have another realization sometime soon...The funny thing is that I've always felt we'd be perfect for each other from the very beginning whereas he must've only realized it over those few days.
In the meantime life goes on and I'll just go with the flow...Thanks again!!!
A
female
reader, emmss  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 I think he just lost his nerve. He probably just got all nervous about it, and decided not to go ahead with the plan. It sounds like he likes you, however it may just be that he likes you as a friend, or he likes you as a bit more. If he likes you more than a friend, he probably lost his nerve, or thought you didn't like him in that way, so he didn't want to come across as desperate or anything.
But definitely don't take it personally or anything like that, the next time you see him, ask him about it. Don't be harsh or anything, but just talk to him about it. Maybe, if you like him then you could ask him out for drinks? Just take it slow, act cool. Don't act uninterested if your not, but don't come across as desperate or needy.
He'll probably realize his huge mistake soon, and ask you out for drinks again soon! :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 Ok well this just sounds like he simply lost his bottle, he may have felt a little silly for asking you out for drinks and he wasnt sure how to come around it so he just left, i wouldnt take this to heart at all, am sure it wasnt meant to hurt you or anything. He may just like you as a friend and wanted to get to know you. Either way if i were you i would just try and forget about this, its not worth your time or energy.
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