A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do any more. My relationship seems like it's going nowhere quickly.I use to be really happy with my boyfriend, but now he constantly blames me for everything. He's never happy with anything.The other night I called him out on his drinking. I can honestly say he drinks a bottle of wine a day. He can drink a bottle of vodka to himself in a sitting also. It's ridiculous I'm furious about it. He does this around my son and thinks it's acceptable. My child is 5. He smokes too and it's disgusting I'm a none smoker. I've asked him not to smoke in my home but he doesn't see the issue here. I've asked him not to drink in front of my child but he said he can't buy drink - he's only 5. I'm worried that my son will see this as acceptable behaviour and will sit and drink also or hide it from me when he's older.He doesn't see his drinking as an issue but when I called him out on it the other day he turned it on to me he said I was the shitty person he said I was a shit mother for keeping my son up to late then he went on to say I was shit at my job and all I do is moan.I feel trapped he helps me out with my son quite a lot and I don't know if I'm just staying with him now because of this.I don't even know if I love him anymore. He works hard etc when he's at work but he's a disgusting slob when he's visiting me leaving his wine bottles everywhere. He doesn't take care of himself like he should. And expects me to do everything.When I say I don't love him I'm genuinely not even sure he's not the same nice person I met last year. He's constantly winding up my child when I'm not in the room and saying that my child is kicking off for no reason but I'm starting to doubt this no I'm wondering if he is aggravating him on purpose just so I shout at my child? What do I do I'm afraid to let go.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 June 2017):
 Your poor child, he is the victim here not you. How on earth can you allow your son to be around a drunk who smokes in your house with your child!?!? Do you realize the damage that is doing to your son's lungs. You shout at your child because off him?? Please leave him and start looking after your son properly. There are people out there that would die to be able to have children and here you are not protecting yours. Put your son first before your boyfriend and end things.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 June 2017):
 He thinks drinking a bottle of wine a day , or a bottle of vodka in one sitting ( congratulations for his strong fiber, there's plenty people who ended up in an ethilic coma for trying to do this ! ) in front of a 5 years old is acceptable. You, the mother of the 5 year old, think instead that ut is not acceptable.
Question : why , then, he is still doing what you think it is not acceptable around your child ?! A mothers 's job is also to establish a set of rules and regulations concerning her children , and to make sure that everybody who 's around the children follows and enforces said rules. If these people can't be convinced or forced to follow the rules- then they must not be permitted to be around the children. As simple as that.
" He helps a lot with the child " ? Are you kidding us ? This guy is an alcoholist, or close to, according to your own opinion... and you leave him sort of in charge of your child ?
You are his mother !, it's your job and your duty to make sure that his health is protected and that he grows up according to the values YOU agree with, not according to the values of some semistranger who happens to have sex with you !
I can't wrap my head around this . If you had said that you are crazily in love with this guy even if he is so disruptive of your family life, well, I could understand. Not condone , but understand. Passion makes us selfish, and at times makes it difficult to sacrifice the object of our love ( or lust ) to other more important obligations and duties , as those you have toward your child.
But you can't even stand the guy !, you hate the way he treats you, and find him semi-disgusting.... yet you keep him around because he helps minding your child ?!!
Well, since he is doing such a shitty job of it, all I can say is : this is jusr astonishing !
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 June 2017):
 I find it astounding that you seem comfortable to leave your 5 year old child with someone who you admit you do not trust. How do you think it will affect your child in the long term knowing you left him with a man who abuses him by winding him up so he misbehaves? And then, to top it all, you shout AT THE CHILD! I just want to sweep that poor child up in my arms and take him away from the pair of you.
I am not sure which one of you is causing more damage: this dirty smoking drinking oik, who doesn't give two hoots about your feelings or wishes, or you for allowing this specimen to pollute the air your son breaths and get drunk around him on a regular basis.
Your son is going to grow up with a very warped view of family life and relationships. He will assume it is acceptable for men to do what they like, treat women and children as they like, and also for mothers to yell at their kids. NONE OF THIS IS OK!
Your first priority should be to your son. If YOU choose to put up with this disgusting degrading behaviour, then that is YOUR call. I have no idea why you don't think you deserve any better but you are old enough to make your own decisions. Your little boy, however, only has YOU to protect him. Please wake up and remove him from this toxic specimen of humanity before lasting damage is done.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2017): I would Let go.Don't be afraid.he's as mean as can be!Being with someone you don't love, (sounds like he definitely doesn't love you either) is a cruel situation and he has no right to judge you being the meany that he is. he sounds like he got a cushty ride with you and your son and is now freeloading whilst insulting you and your kid which is spreading hatred and anger and bitterness!Doesn't sound good OP.
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A
female
reader, Heartlove  +, writes (26 June 2017):
He sounds like he's either already an alcoholic or in the lab
To be one. This most likely will not get better.
He's calling you names and condescending... you
And your song deserve better. Your child is not immune
To his environment; second hand smoke,
Bad vibes, disfunctional home life etc.
There are other avenues to walk down to
Get parental support... big brothers organization,
Summer Bible Schools are free.... church sponsored
Child programs (awana) Boyscouts/ Cub Scouts etc
I've tried to help several alcoholics...
If they don't want help they don't change.
Leave ... get some support from family members
Social community organizations... change the locks
Separate. You and your child deserve better.
I
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A
female
reader, la petite belle +, writes (26 June 2017):
 I know how hard it is to leave a man that is not good to you. I feel like you know this deep inside (and Im telling you because I knew my ex' was not good for me but I chose to keep making excuses for me to stay until one day I couldn't anymore, and 6 months after he still chases me to prove to himself and me that he still "owns" me).Please leave him, he is not helping you to raise a decent human being. Love yourself and show your kid, what a real man is, you will find him, you will, it won't be easy but show your son what and how a REAL man behaves. Us women around the world, we need good men to raise good men... don't let him pollute your baby, a woman down the road will be facing the same question you are now if you don't help... please do it for you, for me and for that little girl that will meet your son down the road.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 June 2017):
 Don't be afraid. Even if you are not ready to let go now, one day you would. You don't have to wait until that day or until there is a bigger drama stirred up among the 3 of you. Your son can't speak for himself but if he's older he would have said he would rather have no father than a male figure who is irresponsible. Alcoholics are nice. They hide behind a cloak and when time goes on they get comfortable, their true selves come out. Your boyfriend (soon to be ex) is only functioning enough to make money then come home to drink and sleep. His constantly winding up your child is a sign that he's tired of taking care of him. A person is only nice until they find no motivation or reward to be nice anymore. What was once the novelty of a relationship has turned into responsibilities, moaning and non acceptance. When you do find the courage to break up with him I promise you the feeling you get is a deep sense of relief.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2017): this is an person that drink has controle of him , When one gets hooked on drink they often become sloppy in themselvies . he drinks when the kid is around so that said he smooks around your kid as well , not good .
You need to get him to hit the rock bottom and i think the only way of that in this case is to put him out of your life ,
If you don't do it for yourself do it for you 5 year old ,
YOU SAY HE HELPS OUT WITH THE KID. In what way , are you talking about money , He all so doing a lot of harm to the kid in more ways than one ,
it sounds as you have your own place so your well on your way to going your own way
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2017): Leave immediately. For the sake of your child before more damage is done,leave. Put your child's welfare and happiness first and remove him from this toxic situation now. It can not get better and your son is far too important to 'see' if it can. You know in your gut/intuition this is bad. Don't be afraid.be strong for your son. The 'help' you get for your son does not outweigh the damage. Your boyfriend is totally and utterly disrespecting you, your home and your son. Take that respect back and tell him he's not a good match for you. Don't allow your son to live with and observe his behavior any longer. Your true love will not treat you or your son like that but you can't meet him while you're with mr drinker/smoker/aggrivator.
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