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female
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anonymous
writes: i really like this guy i work with he's 34 im 16. he's always flirting with meand has offered to take me out for my birthday as long he can take my virginity.i really want him too, but im worried about what people might say. he makes mefeel so good about myself. i also think that losing my virginity to an older guyis more appealing because they are experienced and im sure it would feel better.please give me some advice
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (24 April 2007):
 Your virginity is worth more than the price of dinner. Know that you're worth more, and insist on better treatment.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): dont even go there think of yourself before you get hurt hes not going 2 stay with you .he will av what he wants and hes gone .and he isnt going 2 walk the streets with you because people will look and stare and say must b his daughter .so go girl and find some 1 else .good luck !!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): dont do it! all he wants is your virginity!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 30. I don't think there's anything wrong with the age gap and people who know us feel the same way. However, if this guy is making your virginity part of a deal, I would definitely think again. It sounds like he is only interested in sex and is probably turned on by taking a girl's virginity. A dinner is NOT worth your virginity. If he breaks it off with you because you would not have sex, then you will know that's the only reason he was around in the first place. If he stays around after you saying no, then I'd trust him a little more. The way you're talking, I wouldn't trust him. Have your parents met him? What do your friends think? If you have to think twice about having sex, then don't do it. Also, flirting isn't a good enough reason to be interested in having sex with someone. You should at least be in a long term relationship.
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male
reader, ourchosenpaths +, writes (7 February 2006):
 STAY AWAY FROM THIS SICKO, HE IS A DISGUSTING PEDOPHILE. HE IS ONLY TRYING TO USE YOU! People like him deserve death. Tell the police, for your sake, and for the sake of the other people he might hurt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): This is emotional blackmail. if he likes you then he wouldnt take you out on a condition. I think this he just wants to say that he's taken someones virginity.I recently lost my virginity to an older guy (im 19, he's 30)and he waited for me to be ready before anything happened. One thing to note, however, is that he didnt actually believe me when i told him i was a virgin and later said he wouldnt have had sex with me if he'd relised i was telling the truth. why? because 'virginity is something special where i come from'. My advice: dont waste it on this guy.
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (22 January 2006):
 This is wrong on so many levels. Darlin' you're 16. He's basically a pediphile. What he has proposed to you is illegal in all 50 states. Have some respect for yourself sweetie, you're worth more than a dinner plate. Save your precious virginity for someone you love and who can love you back.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (22 January 2006):
 NO NO NO
I am 34 and it would be obscene for me to consider telling a 16 year old yes I will buy you dinner on the grounds that I can abuse you! Which is what it is!
Losing your virginity should not be seen as a payment for a dinner date. And you can guarrantee this guy will scarper once he has got what he wants. And then you will feel used and abused and you will have regrets. Please don't even consider it because he is twice your age and he really should know better. What he does know better than you is how to manipulate and control another, more vunerable human being, and that is what you are sweatheart.
I am not trying to patronise you, I just realise that you doing this without thinking it thru properly may lead you to regret it later. I know sex is all new and shiny, and it seems like a really grown-up thing to do, but in this case it isn't. You are being used. Also who knows who else he has done this to before, are you willing to risk STD's or pregnancy on the whim of a guy who doesn't respect you?
So don't let him, go out with your mates, or even go out with him if you must, but don't let him put conditions on your date. Please have respect for your own wishes, after all if you didn't feel at least a little doubt you wouldn't have written this letter.
Good Luck and please, please, please chose wisely. x
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female
reader, jolene +, writes (22 January 2006):
 A 30 year old man will not give you better than a young keen man your own age! a man's sex drive doesn't get better with age, a younger man who appreciates you will make you feel worth sooooooo much more and more sexy than an older man who just wants to get off on the fact hes taking a young girls virginity....and i am sure as you are so inexperienced if this whole thing is a fantasy he wil get more out of it than you as first time sex is rarely good, unless it is special in one way or another
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2006): Don't do it!If you go down to the corner of the street you will get more than a McDonalds Happy Meal for your virginity...Don't sell yourself. You will regret it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): Not to sound rude here, but DO NOT DO IT! He is ONLY interested for a one night stand then you're history, DONT DO IT, save yourself for someone that deserves you and someone that does not give you conditions on how and when you should give your virginity away.
Good luck. and I agree you should tell your boss, how many other young girls has he already done this to?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): DONT DO IT
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): Save your virginity for someone that loves you! This guys is a conquerer, he wants something that is rare and does not mind abusing it. Save yourself for someone that will respect your choices with your own body. Once he conquered he will dump ya!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): No, No, No, No, No, No! Please don't do this - I think you may regret it for ever more. This man does not love you and I from what you tell us about him he doesn't sound the type who would stay around for very long at all after he'd taken your virginity. In fact, I'd be very surprised if you saw him ever again. I know virginity can feel like a millstone around the neck, but believe me it is a very special thing and once lost you can't turn back the clock!
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (10 January 2006):
I would sooooo go and tell your boss what your co worked has said. That would be illigal in pretty much all countries of the world and I assume you are from the US, so yes it would be no matter what state as you are not an adult. Hes a pedaphile. Dob him in, he deserves it. He shoudln't be working around younger people as he perverted.
Justb ecause a guy flirts with you and makes you 'feel good' doesnt mean its the right time to have sex. Believe me, lots of guys can try sweet talkign to you, but one who basicly tells you yo ueitherh ave sex of you will loose him, is not worth it! He doesn't have one decent bone in his body. He obviously has no respect for poeple, not even you and is only USING you, as you are young and easily taken advantage of. Don't let him get away with it. Don't go out with him. Don't give this old guy the satisfication of thinking he will get some. And most likely or not, even if you do say no he would find his way around it and make you do it anyways.
Also there is always the risk of catching a STD, and it sounds to me this guy does sleep around alot, so do you want to put yourself in that position? Also waht about pregnancy? Sex is a really seriosu issue. It can have huge phsycially effcts but also emotionally.
And like someone else mentioend, just because he isn't a virgiin doesnt mean it will feel better for you. Hes a selfish bastard who is only doing it for his pleasure. He will make it good for HIM, not for you!
Also it wouldnt suprise me that if you say no that he treats you bad at work after, so thats why i suggested above you tell your boss that he ahs been inappropiate, or tell the police!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly +, writes (10 January 2006):
 To save time, I'll just write that I agree with everyone else whose comments precede mine.
I also disagree that an "older man" would necessarily be a better lover than someone your own age. More experienced? Maybe. But this guy has already indicated that he's only interested in your company for what you can do for him, that is, get him off because you're a virgin. Given those conditions, it sounds to me like he's going to just ram it home and please himself. Certainly, he hasn't shown much regard for your feelings *before* you've consented to have sex with him, so it's not a longshot to guess that he won't care much about your enjoyment during sex.
I know what I'm talking about, too, hon. When I was 15-16, I was in a sexual relationship with a much older man (he was 45). I have no doubt that the man I had sex with was experienced, but honestly, he didn't care one way or the other how I felt. I didn't appreciate it at the time -- I just thought that I'd better agree, or he'd lose interest -- but his comments were things like "Well, you should take care of yourself when I'm finished". Very selfish.
And your co-worker doesn't sound much better.
Please save a very treasured moment for someone you feel in love with. You might think your virginity is some albatross around your neck, but it's not. A lot of guys will treat you with more respect because you're still a virgin, and they won't be trying to get you into bed for the price of a birthday dinner!
Trust your own judgement, too. If you really felt this was a good idea, you probably wouldn't have asked about it in this forum.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): Everyone else has spoken well enough that I don't have much to say other than...his demands are way out of line and indicate a selfish, self-centered personality. Dump him or be his doormat, your choice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): I agree with everyone who wrote in. Losing the one thing that is very sacred is supposed to be with someone who you love and in return loves you, not someone who gives you ultimatums. Believe me sweety, a 34 year old man should be in jail for having sex with a young girl. That's why they have those laws cause it's not normal to do. This guy needs help you'll have more fun going out with your girl friends for your birthday then going out with him and regretting it for the rest of your life! Happy Birthday!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): Hmm..Let me think here. Should an adolescent girl in her teens date an older, mature man, who has clearly pointed out to her, he wants to "use" her for sex? Frankly, these type of relationships work out, unless scads of money are involved. Sounds like he basically wants to buy your company and we all know what that is called. On a more serious note, if you have any self-respect-kick his ass to the curb.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): I dont mean to sound rude, but don't be so stupid. What kind of nice man says he will only take you out as long as he can have sex with you??! At the end of the day, it sounds to an impartial party that he just wants sex with a young and untouched girl...quite perverted really. Also, the age difference is such that it will result in you most likely regretting it in the months to come, if not right afterwards. How much can he care for you if he says he will only take you out if he gets to fuck you afterwards. The only reason he wants to be with you is for the sex. If you dont really know this guy very well, who's to say that if you politely reject after he takes you out that he wont rape you? If he really cared he would take you out regardless, and if he was rud enough to mention sex would say that he understood that you wouldnt do anything until you felt ready. This guy is a SLEEZEBALL looking for sex with a young girl...sounds rather perverted to me. Wait for sex to be special with a guy who loves you enough to take you out regardless of whether he gets sex at the end of the night or not. Dont be stupid...DONT GO! Believe me, take the advice for your own sake!
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006): That's a bit of a strange condition - he won't buy you dinner unless you sleep with him?
Does it strike you odd that he doesn't just want to date you first before worrying about sex?
If I man that I had been flirting with asked me out I would be thrilled but if he said that he will only take me out if I sleep with him - I would say no.
It's not a very grown up approach to dating. Perhaps this man is more interested in sex than a relationship which between consenting adults is fine but is that the way you want to lose your virginity?
I didn't lose mine until I was 20 and in a great relationship and in love with my boyfriend. Even though we've both moved on now, it was an amazing way to lose my virginity and I'm glad that I waited until I was in love rather than sooner with someone with lots of experience.
When it comes to losing your virginity I think that most would agree that it is better to lose it to someone you love and trust who may be a little inexperienced rather than someone who you barely know, have never been on a date with who may be good in bed.
I would very carefully consider this - it is a big step and I am unsure as to wether this guy has your best intentions at heart.
take care
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