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female
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*ubblychick83
writes: Help me i have become an insecure possessive girlfriend.In the last few weeks my boyfriend has admitted he wants to spend more time with his mates as he has fun with them and he loves going to his footie matches and watching his local team play on sundays. But b4 he used to want to be with me all the time and its made me insecure and i keep crying over it. We have been together 6 months and i told him how i feel that i worry he will have more fun with his mates than with me and that he has gone off me but he says he enjoys being with me and loves me but he needs his own things and space but yet i for some reason i dont like it and its made me become possessive of him and jealous when he says he is going out to do other things without me. I just dont know how to solve itplease help melisa
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): lisa im havin the same problem as you n i hate it :( sarah x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): It sounds like your bf's become your whole world, and you're dealing with some insecurity issues.
I know it seems like the easiest solution would be for your bf to give you enough constant affirmation and support that the insecurity wouldn't be an issue. But that's not fair to him (it's an awful lot to ask of someone) and it's DEFINITELY not fair to you.
Your bf sounds pretty understanding. My suggestion would be to think about how insecure you're feeling, and talk to him about it. The message isn't that you want him to stop hanging out with his friends. The message is for you to find other ways to entertain yourself while he's doing that, with a goal of weaning yourself from needing so much approval and affirmation from him. Initially, it'll help you if you can plan in advance when he'll be doing things with his friends so that you can schedule other activities to keep your mind off things. See if he thinks he could let you know a few days ahead of time when he's planning something with his buddies, and you could use those few days to set something up with some of your own friends. Or make plans to rent a new movie you really want to see, or read a book, or cook something, or go to the gym ... whatever. Just something so you won't be sitting around wondering whether he's thinking of you as much as you are of him, which he won't be, no matter how much he loves you, b/c he's out with friends enjoying himself and you're at home doing nothing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): Sounds like your very insecure, maybe due to a relationship in the past that has caused you to become insecure, i really think that its great your guy is out with his friends watching football or whatever maybe while his out doing that why not go shopping or spend time with some of your friends, this could be a good thing as it gives you both time to breath. i am also very insecure in my relatioship with my bf but its not over the fact his out with his friends watching football its because i found out he was spending time at another females house without telling me and also sending very intimate emails to each other, so i think you should be greatful that his not off doing something else with another women, and also keep in mind that guys dont really like needy girls that need attention all the time and if this guy breaks up with you its not because his gone off you or that he thinks your boring it will be because your jealous and too needy.
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (10 January 2006):
 It is very healthy in a relationship to have time away from each other. If you pressure him to never spend time with his friends, then he will feel trapped and you risk losing him. The ideal situation would be to reach a happy middle ground, where you have days apart and days together and maybe some of the days he hangs out with his friends you could come along. If he has never given you a reason to not trust him then acting this way will just give him the feeling that he can't please you no matter what he does, if you really love him you don't want to do that to him. Good luck.
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