A
female
age
30-35,
*ottongin
writes:I am 9 weeks pregnant (my first time ever, and it was unplanned), and I have an abortion scheduled for 5 days from now. Up until today, I was positive I was not going to continue with the pregnancy and was for sure going to get an abortion. Because of that, I have been continuing my mild-moderate use of heroin intravenously on and off the entire pregnancy since conception (a couple times a week, but without a physical dependency— i split my usage enough apart so that I do not become addicted). Today I have really been thinking and decided that in my heart I want a baby, and would not mind at all having this particular one. However, my fiancé reminded me that i've been doing drugs, and he would basically resent me and feel like it's my fault if our child has ANYTHING wrong with it mentally (or physically of course).I am bipolar, and he has ADHD and has been questionably diagnosed with bipolar before as well (and i, questionably diagnosed with ADHD as well). So i just feel like there's a high chance of some sort of mental disability occuring anyway, and we would have no way of knowing whether or not heroin actually did anything significant to our developing baby. So now i just feel terrible for even considering to have this baby that I didn't even start off taking care of right away with prenatal vitamins and staying away from any toxic substances (eg heroin. OH and i used meth ONCE. I have also taken a couple ibuprofen which i guess you aren't supposed to do either... and i've been around my fiancé's second hand smoke... ughhh so much stuff!!). I want a baby, more than anything, and I would probably try to have one shortly after having the abortion for this one if i do. I don't work, I don't go to school, I am 100% available to take care of a child while my fiancé works to support me and our potential family.I know none of you are doctors, but my question is how much do you think the heroin has actually damaged our developing baby to this point? Would it be safe to continue the pregnancy and be clean, start taking prenatal vitamins and do everything else correctly? If there's any chance that what i've done so far could have damaged the mental status of our child (I'm pretty sure that physical damage isn't much of a problem with heroin especially) i don't want to have it and then have my fiancé blame me for anything that ends up "wrong" with it. I just feel like i'd be a terrible and irresponsible person NOT to have an abortion (aka keep this baby) if there's any chance i've fucked up our baby.I'm sooo torn, and I don't want to feel like a bad person either way, or have him think i am a bad person. I want this baby but i feel like i am being irresponsible to bring a baby into this world that i may have unintentionally fucked up.
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abortion, drugs, want a baby Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (11 May 2011):
ok I'll put this straight abortion is your best bet. seriously, you need to get your s**t together and do something constructive with your life before you have a family. and that means being able to support yourself, without state handouts. this may sound harsh but you need to hear this, a child needs 2 STABLE parents who are clean, and injecting yourself with heroin is about as low as you can go regarding drug use.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): Ok I really need to say this! You people need to stop being so easy to pass judgment that's she will be a terrible mother! For one I'm a nurse I help deliver babies all the time I've seen moms deliver babies. Who have withdrawals from the drugs but are other wise healthy I'm not saying continue with the drug you need to stop now and start getting things together the longer you go the more damage that could happen, this baby could be happy and healthy if you choose to stop the drug use and get your life together! My sister also had a lil boy weighed 7lbs healthy and she smoked her whole pregnancy and also used meth for 4 months into her pregnancy it wasn't right I helped her clean up and now her son is 9 and to of hes class
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): I think this pregnancy may be a wake-up call to you and your husband both. If you truly want to have a baby, you need to clean yourself up first by getting off of all drugs COMPLETELY. No child deserves to come into the world and into a house that is associated with even occasional drug use. Regarding the abortion, if you can accept that if the baby comes out with some defect (mentally or physically), that you are completely responsible for it, then I think you should keep the baby, as long as you are completely off of drugs for the remainder of the pregnancy. You need to be able to accept the child as your own regardless of if there is anything "wrong" with it, it is YOUR child. Personally, I think abortion shouldn't ever really be an option, but to look towards adoption because if you feel you cannot support the baby and raise it in a completely healthy environment, someone else can. Hope this helps, and regardless of what you decide to do, I think you should get off of drugs, not for the baby, or your fiance, but for yourself.Best wishes
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female
reader, cottongin +, writes (29 April 2011):
cottongin is verified as being by the original poster of the question I decided to go through with the termination and I do not regret it for a minute. When I have children I want to do it right from the very beginning. I want my children to have the very best lives possible and give them everything I can give. That also includes the financial stability to raise them, which i do not currently have yet either. I was not ready at all to support another life, but when I am it will be perfect and there will also be no regrets. I feel very relieved and like a weight has been lifted
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female
reader, Livejust2bJess +, writes (28 April 2011):
 A good mother should always love their child no matter what's "wrong" with it. Even if it has mental, physical, or emotional issues to work with, its your blood, part of your life. I would say, if there is anything that went wrong with the baby from the drug useage, social workers would probably step in. But there is a option out there. It's adpotion, where you give up your child to a family who probably cant have a baby of their own but willing to love one someone gives them. There is two differnt types. There is closed adtoption where you chose not to see the baby or have any contact whats so ever, or there is open adoption where you can get pictures, visitings, etc. But even if you chose not to keep the child, you should think about cleaning up anyway for your sake of health.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): If you really, really, really, want this baby, you need to speak to your doctor and then get in to some kind of drug treatment. Even if you are not dependent on heroin they will be able to help you by giving you advice and support about money and housing etc, so when the baby arrives you'll be ready.
Its not true what other people have said. Just because you've used heroin in the past doesn't mean you cant be an amazing mother, but you do need to get clean. No more heroin, no more drinking and no more smoking. If you can do this then keep the baby.
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female
reader, GG96 +, writes (22 April 2011):
If your baby does have a birth defect or physical or physcological disorder, would you be able to afford and be responsible for the treatments and care nessesary? Your on heroin, whether you like it or not, there is alot of drug use and smoking done in your house, and even if you end up rich, you probably won't be able to care for your child. Thats not right. Talk to a doctor, and if by some miracle your baby will be ok, keep it, if not its only right to abort your baby. And before you have another baby, stop the heroin and smoking.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): I'm going to be blunt, there's a saying - born in the gutter, die in the gutter and I think that's exactly the sort of life this baby is going to lead with you and your partner in the state that you are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): There's no way anyone can actually tell you how much harm you have done to the baby. It's possible that serious damage has been done but it's also possible through chance that it'll be totally ok. You need to consult a doctor.What you also need to consider just as much is how much can you offer this baby. The fact is you are a drug user, both you and your partner are currently suffering from mental/ health problems. Do those still affect your life in a big way? How stable is your relationship? To be honest most people would worry to hear that a baby was being brought into the world in those circumstances. Have a good long think about your situation because any problems you have now will be amplified ten fold after having a baby. Look at the situation practically and honestly opposed to the best possible scenario.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): Sorry, but lady, are you serious?? Never, EVER have children unless you can get off the drugs and sort out your and your fiance's psychological issues. If you can't manage to get your life together, you are guaranteeing that your child is going to have a miserable and neglected life. Stop making excuses for yourself. PLEASE! Give me a break! You need to stop this dangerous and self destructive behavior now. As for the child you're pregnant with, it probably will be born with a host of physical and mental disabilities, and yes, they will have been your fault for taking drugs. Be honest with yourself, seriously. Unless you can sort out your life completely, which you obviously can't do now, you are not ready for kids for many, many years.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): Have an abortion. A child should not grow up with someone who does heroin.
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (22 April 2011):
Hi OPI cannot tell you about the possible defects which might be caused by heroin use in pregnancy. You need to seek a medical opinion for that, although there is plenty of info on the internet.I would question, however, whether if you do have this baby, there is any sort of suitable lifestyle in which it will be brought up. You claim you do not have a physical dependency on heroin and yet you continue to take it a couple of times a week. You say you neither work nor are you in school- what are you doing with yourself? What can you offer your baby? You say your bf will support you financially but don't you want to have any sort of financial independence? Do you have any qualifications to fall back on? And do you have any idea how much it costs to bring up a child? Will you continue taking drugs once the child is born? Or for the rest of the pregnancy? I personally think you need to consider how you will bring this baby up and what sort of environment you can offer. You say you really want a baby, but you need to consider the realities of bringing up a child and whether you are capable of doing this. It is a great responsibility. As you are neither in work nor education, and are moreover a regular drug-taker, can you really handle the responsibility of creating and caring for a new life?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 Its not about being a bad person or having others think you're a bad person. You will be making a life changing decision and bringing another person in this world whose life you will be responsible for. You have to give up drugs for life and CANNOT ever relapse. You have to make sure that your baby grows in the best environment possible, which means you cannot ever expose the child to any of this nonsense. I did a quick google check and the results were scary. Read carefully and consult a doctor and take an informed decision. What are the risks with use of heroin during pregnancy? Women who use heroin during pregnancy greatly increase their risk of serious pregnancy complications. These risks include poor fetal growth, premature rupture of the membranes (the bag of waters that holds the fetus breaks too soon), premature birth and stillbirth.As many as half of all babies of heroin users are born with low birthweight. Many of these babies are premature and often suffer from serious health problems during the newborn period, including breathing problems. They also are at increased risk of lifelong disabilities.Use of heroin in pregnancy may increase the risk of a variety of birth defects. What is not entirely clear is whether these effects are caused by the drug itself or related to the poor health behaviors that women who take heroin often have. The substances that the heroin often is mixed with when it is made also may play a role.Most babies of heroin users show withdrawal symptoms during the 3 days after birth, including fever, sneezing, trembling, irritability, diarrhea, vomiting, continual crying and seizures. These symptoms usually subside by 1 week of age. The severity of a baby's symptoms is related to how long the mother has been using heroin or other narcotics and how high a dose she has taken. The longer the baby’s exposure in the womb and the greater the dose, the more severe the withdrawal. Babies exposed to heroin before birth also face an increased risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).While heroin can be sniffed, snorted or smoked, most users inject the drug into a muscle or vein. Pregnant women who share needles are at risk of contracting HIV (the virus that causes AIDS) and the hepatitis C virus. These infections can be passed on to the infant during pregnancy or at birth.
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female
reader, Minou  +, writes (22 April 2011):
Am pretty sure, This have already affected your baby.If you really want a baby, and decide to go for an abortion for this one. There is a risk of you not being able to conceive throughout your lifetime or you may have recurrent miscarriages.Am not scaring you But helping you for a wise decision.But i think in some country, You can do the check up of a pre born baby and can find out whether he/she is going to have any disorder. However, I don't think its going to work for mental and physical disorder.I think you should consult a professional for that who might advise you accurately
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