A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy almost for a year. We are thinking about starting to have a future together soon. We are no longer use condoms every time after we became exclusive and came clean to each other about STD history and all. We sometimes start out without condoms when we think its not really dangerous time and he would cum outside or in the middle he wears condoms. Still we are not in a stable position to raise a kid and wont be for a while even if we get married soon. But now we are getting even more serious about each other and he doesnt like the idea that we have to use condoms all the time or he cant cum inside. And last night he said he wants me to go on pills. I know lots of women taking them and most of the time the benefits outweigh the minor side effects.But I feel really reluctant to mess with my hormones and natural cycle. Plus here are the side effects I looked up.very common yet minor ones.nauseaheadachesbreast sorenessacnecommon and serious ones.decreased libidodepressionmoodinessweight gainhair lossrare but deadly dangerous ones.infertilityhigh blood pressureblood clotsstrokesheart attacksliver tumors gallstonesI do understand some of those are really rare and lots of women are on this pill but if he wants me to just take risks because he wants to feel me inside, even if I dont want to, isnt it a bit selfish?I was about to talk to him about side effects and say no right away, but I thought it wouldnt hurt to listen to your opinions. Help me to be reasonable and rational about this matter.
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condom, libido, std Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (30 November 2012):
Having an uplanned out of wedlock child is much much much more "risky" than a few typically temporary side effects from the pill.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (30 November 2012):
Yes there are risks from taking the pill but from a pure statistical viewpoint the risk is less than your risk if you got pregnant and either terminated or delivered the baby. If you are healthy and checked by the dr then these risks are low. More common, unfortunately from my girlfriends experience, is loss of labido and weight gain. You boyfriend probably wouldnt be happy with that. Best thing is to try it out and see how it goes, there are many different pills. Taking away the chance of pregnancy is fun for a while as well. Carry on as you are doing, as I also know from experience, will probably see you pregnant every year or two, thats whats sex is about!
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (30 November 2012):
personally Im on the pill since july 2005 and before I went on it, I had extremely irregular cycles varying from 2-7 weeks, severe PMS symptoms for around 10days before my period came, and acne. my skin became super greasy at certain times of the month to the point where my hair looked dirty the day after I washed it. my life was hell in some ways.
going on the pill lessened all this to a great extent, I know exactly when my period will arrive and my acne has almost disappeared. it has also helped with my androgenic alopecia which was brought on by hormones during puberty. the pill did not make me gain weight, my blood pressure is on the low side of normal and I had no side effects from it. like you I was scared to take it but I was also scared of pregnancy. do not have sex again without a condom even for 1 minute, you are extremely likely to get pregnant.
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female
reader, peteloevely  +, writes (26 November 2012):
 i don’t take the pill... i can i already have messed up hormones... i now at least 5 women who have being affected by the birth control pill in a few different ways!
one of them was quiet funny!... my best friend did not get a single period for the time she was taking them, and she felt she was going crazy! you don’t understand how much your body needs something until you lose it! we use to argue about it i would say isn’t it a relive that you don’t deal with periods every month?... but she disagreed, she stopped them and got the implant! with it in now she got irregular periods which made her happier :)
if you don’t want to take hormones that is it, i understand, but there are more birth caution methods than condoms out there try a female condom, spermicide, The cap or diaphragm.
someone said using condoms is leaving all the birth control responsibility up to him, that is total none sense...
there are a few options you can explore, just have a word with your doctor, they will advise you better than we could!
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 I think it is selfish when a man wants a woman to mess with her hormones for his pleasure. A condom is a physical contraceptive device, it doesn't go inside his system, but pills do. I don't ever take pills and if a guy doesn't like using condoms, I show him where the door is...because I love and respect my body and if he doesn't, he needs to be told to get lost. Anyway, point is, don't take the pills and tell him to use condoms if he wants to have sex with you. Or else, he can get a vasectomy, temporary or permanent, if he's so obsessed about ejaculating inside you.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 November 2012):
 Side effects from the pill are common, but they are temporary. There's no harm in giving them a try and seeing what happens. I personally don't do well on them, but the side effects weren't life-ruining and went away immediately when I stopped. You can even stop mid-pack if you hate them, just so long as you start using condoms a few days BEFORE you stop taking the pills.
Why not just give a few types of them a try and see what you think?
I was on the pill for 2 years before it gave me side-effects, and then 2 years in I started having some mood swings and went off the pill. Within a week, side effects gone. Also the pill does not increase your chances of breast cancer. Blood clots are mostly a concern for women over 35 or who smoke or who have other risk factors. They are very very very rare among healthy young women. In pregnancy your chances of a blood clot are much higher than while on the pill.
It's really up to you and what you feel comfortable with. I just use condoms with my bf and have a morning after pill around in case of accidents, but I did give the pill a shot. I'm actually thinking of going back on it soon and giving it another go. I've experienced just about every non-dangerous side effect you can, but I still don't regret trying it out.
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male
reader, DV1 +, writes (25 November 2012):
 I think the pluses outweigh the minuses...
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (25 November 2012):
 I definitely think it's worth going and discussing this with a doctor, not just relying on google and your answers here.
There are so many options for contraceptive pills, and some have worse side effects than others. For many people, there will be no noticeable side effects. For years I took the pill to make my periods lighter and more manageable, and it really worked. I then got side effects so I stopped.
The important thing is that you are using some robust form of contraception, because him withdrawing is not enough, which I believe is the point CindyCares was making.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): Yeah I think it's selfish of him. The truth is the minor side effects you mention aren't extremely rare at all. I think it's selfish of him to want you to take pills which could make you gain weight, become depressed/anxious, increase your risk of breast cancer, mess up your cycles and that may give you problems with bleeding, all because he wants to be able to cum inside!?!A condom has no where near the risks or side effects the pill does. So I completely disagree with the female anon who says it's selfish of you. Condoms are 99% effective if used correctly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): I don't think he is being selfish no, he is just trying to come up with a longer term contraception option than condoms and withdrawal. Infact it could be argued that you leaving the contraception entirely to him is selfish on your part. He has been in charge of the contraception for a year now, so it's not totally out of order for him to ask you to take some of the responsibility. Particularly as someone said earlier, because condoms are definitely not the most reliable form of contraception . I agree it isn't great that most options usually leave it up to us women, but unfortunately it's all that is available at the moment. Why not at least give it a try, and if you don't like it at least he will know you gave it a shot?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 I think you should discuss your concerns with your GP, or OB/GYN. He might be able to reassure you... or to confirm you in your decision not to take the pill. At least it will be a more informed decision.
Most women do not experience side effects at all, or to a very moderate, tolerable extent. Plus, you can always try a brand or two, ( different dosages ) as recommended by your doctor and see how it goes . If you experiment side effects, you can go back to condoms.
As for the rare effects, yes, stating them is mandatory by law, but they are RARE. I think you've got more chances, say, to board a plane that will crash to the ground.
Of course, if you want to absolutely exclude even the most remote , abysmal chance of dangerous effects, then you won't take the pill. Or, board a plane.
No, I don't think your bf is selfish - he is encouraging you to try something that includes a level of risk , true.
As many things in life. But you would not call him selfish if he would encourage you to drive you car to meet him somewhere. Even if car accidents are always a possibility.
He thinks the pros/ cons ratio of using contracceptive pills is in favour of the pros , and it is a valid opinion, shared by many people. Then again, naturally, since the body is yours and the health is yours, the only opinion that really counts is your opinion, and if you don't want to do it, don't do it. But, I'd say talk to your doctor first and see what he thinks, based on your medical history etc.
It's not just a matter of freedom and sensation, it's also that condoms as a contracception method aren't that perfect at all. I know quite a few kids whose middle name should be Condombroke or Condomslipped.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRight, pregnancy has side effects. But I think its different.
When you want to create a life thats probably the most important one for you, its totally worth experiencing some side effects.
But Im asking if I really need to take risks going through side effects of pills when you can just use condoms?
And even if I dont feel comfortable he wants me to take pills, then isnt it selfish?
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 November 2012):
There are a lot of side effects in pregnancy too you know :) If you are afraid of nausea , weight gain, hair loss, breast soreness, depression, moodiness.... heartburn, constipation, joint aches, insomnia ,....legs cramps ,vomit,bladder problems, irritability,swollen feet,hyperhydrosis,stretchmarks... then make very sure you do not get pregnant, because there are excellent chances that you are going to experience a few among the above said symptoms, or others too .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): Well I have been on the pill for 8 years now and I have never suffered from any of the side effects you mention. I was actually put on it by the doctor to help even out my natural cycle, and I would highly recommend it based on my experiences. However, I do know there are some people out there that don't like the idea of messing with their hormones so you're not alone in that opinion, and since it is your body it is your choice.What I would say is that if you are not using condoms from start to finish then you are still at risk of pregnancy. Even if he doesn't cum inside you, there is still precum there which can contain sperm and can lead to pregnancy. It is also not ideal for either of you if he has to pull out before he cums every time, it interrupts the flow and leads to the 'quick, pull out in time' panic which is not romantic nor as enjoyable as sex with a long term partner should be.I don't think he's necessarily trying to be selfish, more so wanting to improve the whole experience for both of you. If you really dont want to take pills, why not speak to your doctor about some of the non-hormonal methods of birth control that are available? Otherwise you will need to go back to condoms (worn from the moment he penetrates to the end) to prevent pregnancy. I'm afraid if we want to have sex without a baby then these sacrifices have to be made. For what its worth too, I believe contraception is the responsibility of both parties. I take the pill and my boyfriend uses condoms, that way we are both making sure we are not the cause of a pregnancy we don't want.
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female
reader, VenusFlowerBasket +, writes (25 November 2012):
I won't take the contraceptive pill for three reasons:1) I don't want my moods and hormones messed with2) I don't like the fact it increases your chance of breast cancer, no matter how small3) I have heard from many women they they suffered bad anxiety upon discontinuation, something I'm only just overcoming anyway.My boyfriend is very understanding, but our situation is different. We've already had a child and due to severe PND with the first, and my partners age we do not want another, so he is considering a vasectomy.I wish these things weren't always on the women to mess with their bodies! Woman takes pill, woman has coil inserted, woman has the menstrual cycle, woman has the babies, woman has the menopause, sucks to be a woman sometimes!
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