A
male
age
30-35,
*acboy
writes:Help Me!I can’t tell whether I’m gay or straight.I’m basically sitting on the fence. This is the most confusing decision I have ever had to make; I don’t know what to do!I have had a sexual attraction to guys for quite a few years now, but only considered being gay recently. I like guys… but I also like girls.For some reason, I cannot see myself close to a guy. I feel as if I could never have a close relationship with a guy, but could with a girl.But I’m not attracted to girls!Since a young age, I was attracted to girls but never dated. I slowly became attracted to guys. I was different to most guys, sort of like ‘metro-sexual’.I wrote here a few weeks back because I didn’t know if I should lose my virginity, because I felt as if I was bisexual. I now feel as If I am gay, but not totally.But heres a problem: I don’t want to be Gay! I always wanted to have a family with children. I want to be normal! Being gay seems like a dead end. I can’t see any love in a gay relationship.I only seem attracted to guys my age, but no older. I’m not attracted to typical muscle-bound gays, but just regular guys. Is this normal?If you are gay:- Have your sexual preferences changed, as you grew older?- Did you realize you were gay after a relationship with a female, or did you know from the beginning?-Have you ever been in a position like mine? What happened?Please, I need help. I can’t stop thinking about this. It’s driving me insane.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): Normal is just a setting on a washing machine.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): I am going through exactly what you are going through! How old are you? I'm 13 and I'm really depressed because of my "struggle", as I call it. Contact me by email on here if you want to talk, I mean, yeah....
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (16 March 2007):
 I dont think you realise the amount of pressure you're putting yourself here!! I can see where you are coming from, and most of what you say shows that you already know deep down you are gay, and that you are not actually finding yourself that much, but rather you are afraid of what society and the people around you might think if you came out of the closet!
Im not going to sit here and lie to you. It wont be easy at all, and being gay, although is more acceptable nowadays, is still quite frowned upon amongst the older generation. This is just something you have to learn to deal with. The point is, you can never change who you are, but you can learn to be comfortable of who you are.
Trust me when I say you will particularly find it hard with loved ones, rather than random people. They will be the ones giving you the hardest time about being gay, but theres only so much you can do to try and make them accept it, just like you did! If they're not supportive of you, you'll just have to find support elsewhere. Like I said, you're still only young, and this process of being comfortable with yourself doesnt happen within a day. It takes a some time. Some realise it sooner, some later, and a handful of miserable ones dont at all! Let life take its course, dont try being something you're not, in this sense, straight. One thing you need to understand is the fact that you did not choose to be gay, that you were born like this and there is nothing you can do about it!! Just like the fact that you're born short or tall, pink or blue!
If you need someone to talk to (Im sure you still do), do feel free to leave me a msg.
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A
male
reader, macboy +, writes (16 March 2007):
macboy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your help.I am quite upset about this, as I just want to find myself now. My whole life, I have never been properly close to a guy or girl. I am lonely.Everyone around me seems happy in a relationship, but I have no one. I go to school and work all week; I have a very mundane and depressing life. This was why I am so upset. It’s not that I wouldn’t find love in a gay relationship; it’s more that I wouldn’t feel normal. You are right; I am driven by other people’s perceptions.Being gay doesn’t feel right for me. If I found a guy who truly loved me, I would be happy. But in this world, I would feel uncomfortable seen as gay.If I came out of the closet tomorrow, my mother would make it a joke.I don’t live in a religious household, but my father would be totally against this. I can tell he is very nervous when I don’t talk about girls often, or don’t act like the other guys.My father’s family is very religious, and would simply not let me be gay. My life would be shaken up, and I could never face them again.This would also make me feel uncomfortable admitting I was gay.I would have to discard all my family and friends, and move away.I want to find myself now; so that I don’t end up 20 Years in a marriage to a person I don’t want to be with. I am scared that making the wrong decision would ruin my life.Most guys my age who are gay, found they were gay at a young age, Why must I still be undecided!This whole situation is slowly killing me. I can’t keep up like this. I have no motivation; I’ve lost my goals. I’m losing my grades in school.Going to school, then working all weekend really takes it out of me, and I ask myself whether I should still go on, directionless.I am stuck in a Catholic School, and can’t ask a soul without having religious horseshit shoved down my throat about how wrong it is to be gay, and that I would go to hell.I can’t ask my family, because I know they don’t want me to be gay.You guys are all I have, thank you all so very much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2007): I feel for you, The turmal you are going through is devistating. I am a 50 year old married man who loves my wife and does not want to a single thing to jeprodize our relationship. The need you have must be addressed. You can't go on with this confussing. I have never exploried that side of me and have regreated it. Find a chat that deals with the bi probs, don't go what I'am going through. I can't find anyone my age to talk to, you may.
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A
male
reader, moomoomoo  +, writes (13 March 2007):
 I say you sit back and relax like everoyne here said. However, if you have your eye on a guy, don't go for it if you know he's straight, or try to convert that person to being gay/bi as well. It caused a whole f load of trouble to me and a lot of people at my school, and traumatized many for life.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (13 March 2007):
Right, I currently live with a gay guy (hes much older than you are), and hes had similar dilemmas when he was younger. However, in his situation, he thought he was bisexual rather than gay. He had a girlfriend once and although he wasnt sexually attracted to her, still went out with her because he refused to believe he was gay or bisexual. As years went by, experiences in life showed him that he was atttracted to men and men only but because of the way society puts everything into perspective, he didnt dare to acknowledge it until he got much older.
First of all, in your situation, there is always a possiblity you could be bisexual. Bisexuals can be attracted to both sexes but tend to lean towards the same sex. But I do not suggest you pressure yourself into categorizing your sexuality just yet as you arent even sure yourself. Its not fair on yourself to classify yourself now just because you feel the need to belong somewhere. You need time and experience to let you know what you prefer sexually.
Also, I think you should let yourself go, and stop buying into what mainstream society wants you to be!! Screw what people think, its your life we're talking about, not theirs. Dont just feel you need to have a wife because everyone says so. You could have a male partner later on and still have kids via adoption! The possibilities are endless. But having kids of your own should never be your reason you go against what you really are, as its unfair to you, your wife, and your kids!! You said you cant find love in gay relationships? Whoever told you that? You think you can find love if you were truly gay inside, but refused to believe it so married a wife and settled down? Ive known many who thought like you and did exactly that, just to find out they ruined their lives!! But its no turning back once you do that so think again!! I say just kick back and relax, dont stress over it, and in the meantime, just enjoy the fact that you like both sexes!! Let your sexual appetite and experiences tell you what you are, not society and political correctness!!
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (13 March 2007):
 You're so desperate to pigeonhole yourself as gay or straight when really, it doesn't matter and there's no rush or pressure on you to make that decision. If you're not sure whether you want to be with a girl or a guy give yourself some thinking time until you do know. You're not supposed to have all the answers at 17 and often people go through a stage of experimentation and then never do it again. And get rid of your preconceptions about gay life. Gay people can now marry and adopt so being gay doesn't mean sacrificing your other dreams, just makes them slightly harder to achieve.
CD
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