A
female
age
36-40,
*icky1987
writes:I have found a text message on my boyfriend's mobile phone. From a woman who has cropped up many a time in our past 2 years together. it said 'i miss you, i want you, I need you'.Is he cheating? Should I confront him? Is there any way that this could be me getting all of this wrong.
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female
reader, kaylagal  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 You say this woman had cropped up many times in your relationship. You've found a message from your boyfriend to her saying he loves her, and then now her to him, saying she misses and needs him. There's definitely something going on, and it had been going on for the length of your relationship. He stays in touch with her regardless of your relationship.
You know he's still in-touch with her, you know he's lying to you. That's cheating.
It's up to you to stay and break up with him.
A
female
reader, applebite8821 +, writes (29 June 2009):
 O my God, this happened to me before and I swear I regretted what I had done and if i had the chance to go back, i would've done a different thing...First thing is, your boyfriend might be cheating on you as you have caught him before saying the L word to her. The intensity of his feelings for her doesn't matter..the point is, why did he entertain such situation to happen while he was with you? If he loves you enough and respects your feelings, then he should not have entered in such a situation at all.But let's give him the benefit of the doubt...I suggest, that you confront him but do it calmly. Don't shout, cry, threaten or blame. He will for sure find a way to escape you or worst give you the blame. Confront him when you know he is not in a bad mood. I agree with the suggestion of an anonymous aunt here. Ask him without mentioning the text and if he didnt give you a satisfying answer, then confess about the text message you read. Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, MansonGroupie +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Well, on that score, I'd definitely say that you need to confront him. This isn't fair on you at all and if he has lied about it before, he is more than capable of doing it again.I agree with the anonymous reader below, if you get a gut feeling that he's lying, leave him.Our gut feelings are usually right and difficult to shake, which will leave you with doubt if the relationship continues.It's not a nice position to be in at all...take a deep breath and ask the question.On the brighter side, if he didn't respond to her message, maybe he had no intentions of doing so. He didn't delete it straight away either so couldn't have been worried about you finding anything sordid out.I'm sending you luck, stay strong.xx
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (29 June 2009):
 you should totally confront him!
this girl shouldn't be contacting him and he CERTAINLY shouldn't be contacting back he is committed to you.
i mean if she's text him saying i miss i need you blah blah
chances are she's just sent that to him and he's not responded which is the sensible thing that he should do.
i would call him up on it. if he can't come up with a decent excuse or he denies it and has ago at you about the phone then he is hiding something because it will show he's trying to shift the blame so that he doesn't look like that bad guy when he clearly is to blame him and only him not you or anything like that he's obviously leading this other girl on as well and not telling her the truth.
he's thinking he is mr bigshot having his cake and eating it too.
definately confront him about this ask him why she is still contacting him...?
hope this helps hun x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): Hiya babes :) well firstly, if you checked his phone, part of you must not trust him as it is?
if she has come up in your relationship before, then it obviously must play on your mind so to find something like this, she either must be trying to wind you up or something has/is/was going on.
the best thing to do is to talk to him, without mentioning the text and ask if any women try it on with him or text him or anything, start off innocent and then if he avoids answering or lies about recieving a text/texts, then stick it in..
this may be innocent so hopefully he should have nothing to lie about.
good luck babes x
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A
female
reader, Vicky1987 +, writes (29 June 2009):
Vicky1987 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have checked it before. her name has come up a lot. The first message i ever found was him to her saying he loved her. He assured me that she was just a family friend. and that he no longer contacted her beacuse of the problems she caused. But he clearly still is. And lying to me to see her.
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A
female
reader, MansonGroupie +, writes (29 June 2009):
This is a toughie. What were your reasons for checking his phone in the first place? Has he given you any indication that he may have cheated in the past? Is this other girl an ex, a friend??
Obviously you are hurt and upset at the minute, you need to take time for yourself and get any questions that you'd like to ask clear in your mind.
You will have to ask otherwise this will just fester in your head, leaving you winding yourself up and coming up with all sorts of scenarios.
This means that you'll also have to admit that you have been checking up on him!
I sympathise with this situation, I used to check my exes phone every time he left the room and, to be honest, some of the things I found out were truly awful. I sat and let myself dwell on this as I was too scared to ask questions and admit that I didn't trust him...Fortunately for me, there was no way that he could talk his way out of the texts/pics etc which ultimately made it easier to leave!
The only way forwards if you love him is to talk, talk and talk some more. A relationship without trust is nothing.
You may be pleasantly surprised and find that he doesn't want anything to do with her.
Good luck Hun.xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): Since you have checked his phone, was there any messages from him to this woman?? Have you checked his billing statement - how many times has he contacted her. It might be that she is chasing him but he is not interested in her...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): Ask him straight, and if you get a gut feeling his lying then leave him.
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