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female
age
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anonymous
writes: Is there any solution to this tricky situation? My husband is a workaholic. I know, it is so much better than a guy who does not pay the bills. But if you have one if these husbands, you know what I'm talking about.Because of his work, he totally let me raise the kids alone, and they have tremendous problems now, because of the no father part done. They are boys, all lost in life. Low self esteem, some drug issue... I dont blame this all on him, but its sure causing a lot of pain. So I'm telling about my feelings to him, about the kids and he says its boring and nagging to hear this all the time. He does not seem to care. He says what can i do about this? Nothing.. So he lost his sex drive, there is no sex, no father, no chore. He says in work at least he can solve problems, in real life he cant. SO he says, I dont deserve that he would spend time with me, because im no fun. So he has no time for taking care of anything, including the house, and than he hurting me, that i dont worth his time. He is on antidepressants now, because of his lack of sex drive, but he would not spend any time with me. Should I CALL THIS MARRIAGE OFF? What should i do? I can't live with a man who does not give love to me or our kids. Is there any way to be smart and do something differently? What should I tell him when he says i dont worth it? What can I do differently?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): I have a husband who is also a workaholic....yes, it is better than a lazy guy, but I feel your pain. I have 3 kids, and I raised them alone. If there is no happiness in the marriage, and your kids are older, maybe it's time to move on, while you are still young. If all he's doing is providing financially, he could do that with you anywhere.
Sometimes I feel like doing the same thing, but I have a special needs child,and I don't know if I can handle it completely alone...best of luck
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 May 2010):
 Life is about balance between career and family life. A workaholic is a kind of sickness where the person does not have a balance life. He concentrates all his energies into his work and left only crumbs for the family.
He will not listen to any advise you said to him. The only way he can listen to reasons is by leaving him and this will only wake him up from his stupor.
When you leave him , he will realize that life is not all about working and will see the truth.
When the wife and children are gone , he will find that there is no purpose in life and will turn around to appreciate the wife and family .
That is the only way to deal with this situation. For words would be futile and have no effects on him.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 At one point in my life I was the same way, and it was not intentional. I felt, as being the "man" of the house, it was my responsibility to assure the bills were paid, and that my wife had her share of spending and shopping cash. That was my duty and my role to the family.
I didn't realize until later that the extra money earned, didn't replace or supplement for time lost with the family. I worked a lot from home, plus meeting outside the home for appointments. Although I was physically there, I was there for work, and not for them. It got to the point where I would take the kids to the part, but still have a cell phone plug in my ear talking to clients, and "doing my part."
You seem as you are a good mother, and a supportive yet extremely frustrated wife (and for reason). He needs to slow down and take a real look at the damage he is causing, and not just to you and the kids, but to himself. He's on antidepressants, his sex drive is down, why? Working all the time increases stress levels, and isn't being properly maintained because he is not taking time out to breath. I am divorced, even so, learned a huge lesson and now I spend quality time with my children and we have a wonderful relationship. Money and work can never supplement quality time.
You should tell him that he is needed as a husband and a father, that you need his time and focus on you, and the kids do to. Do you guys have bbq's, or take fishing trips? How about take a week off for a family camping trip? He needs to know that success really has no meaning, unless you can share it with those you love. He'll find, as a workaholic, by taking time out to spend with you, the kids and taking time to breath, during his actual working hours, his production will improve and the outcome will be much more satisfying. It's really about providing balance in live. In doing this I bet his sex drive will improve and the family as a whole would be so much happier.
If you need help, maybe couples counseling, or hiring a life coach who can develop a plan to create a balanced change. I hope this helps, take care.
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A
female
reader, silentrose333 +, writes (30 April 2010):
 My only advice is for you to take control. By letting him influence your life and your kids' lives like this, you are proving to him that he can roll the way he wants. Pull him aside when he shows, and tell him firmly about what is bothering you. Something like: "I feel like you're so engrossed in your work that you're not giving your own family love and care. If you can't do that than maybe I should take the kids and i away and give you some time." This may or may not work, depending on what you choose to say. Either way, you must tell him to either restart his way, or you will leave. No woman in her right mind should go through the torment of being left with crises and love-deprivation.
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A
female
reader, goowes +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Look up nagging, men hate it and we don't even know we are doing it we think we're helping. Get fun be easy to live with. Help him improve sex men are full about that learn, read books help him get joy, it comes back around.
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