A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was married for almost 20 years. I divorced almost 6 years ago and have been a single parent. For the past 2 1/2 years I have been in a monogomous relationship and was content until the issue of marriage became the topic. In short, I ended the relationship b/c I could not see myself in this relationship on the married level. I began dating a childhood friend who I knew and love dearly (only after his recent divorce). We moved very quickly and made a rash decision to get engaged. We had some difficulty due to the drama surrounding his situation. As a result, our engagement ended... I felt abandoned and didn't take the time to assess or rationalize. I simply ran back to what was familiar and got engaged and have married my original boyfriend. I have been married for less than a month and have cried almost daily for my true love... we have spoken and both still love each other... I made a quick choice and don't want to spend the rest of my life miserable... or make my current spouse miserable... it's not fair to him to have divided interest... Just looking for unbiased opinons...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): This is certainly NOT an easy situation to be in, especially if divorce is not something you like to resort to. However, regardless of the reasons you made this decision, you still made the decision, and you have to deal with the situation as it is.
Having children certainly complicates everything....depending on their ages, it can be traumatic, going back and forth between two men, and then marrying someone you know is not the one you really wanted.
I would suggest you talk to a counselor or some other third party trained in marital counseling. Also, I know some others have advised getting out now, but I would suggest you take it slow. You certainly don't want to make 2 rash decisions. Even though it may prolong the frustration, you will be thankful you made a patience and informed decision.
You are also going to have to talk with your kids about this to see how they would feel if you went through another divorce. You might unknowingly be setting up your next spouse for failure with your children. What I mean is that because they get along with your current spouse, they might not ever accept anyone else and harbor anger at you because of the unstableness of the past few months.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (30 April 2010):
 I feel its going to be a long and lonely road for both of you, since you don't love him. Marriage and happiness is to be with the one you love and to have that feeling returned to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response "raiders". If it were just me I would run in a heartbeat...I'm just concerned about my children and their reaction. They love and have loved my current spouse. Part of my heart says to decide in my mind to commit and my heart will follow...the other part says that I am the one who will live with my decision forever...and I do not want to be without my true love. I don't want to be selfish :( but feel like I'm being a bad mom :(
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (30 April 2010):
You are right its not fair for him, talk to him and let him know that you don't truly love him and that this marriage was a mistake. He will hurt but after the storm is over he will see more clearly and find someone that will really really love him. Its not humane to chain him up and lock him up in a dungeon, his freedom will be his happiness. I wish you both luck and talk to him as soon as possible so that he can walk this path of small pebbles and broken glass now, and soon after he will begin the healing process. Best of luck to you both and you will be making a wise decision.
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