A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please tell me what should I do. I don’t really know what decision i should take since my heart and brain are battling. I have been dating with this guy for 2years. Then situations got really hard that we constantly fight. I always beg for his effort because seems like he’s not doing something for our relationship but he said he’s trying and that I don’t appreciate what the little things he’s doing. And we don’t see each other that often because he stopped schooling for a while and make money through gaming that’s why we don’t talk so much since he’s busy. We always fight atleast 2 or 3 times a week but when we’re together were so happy that we didn’t even remember the arguments we’ve made at all.So that’s the story when were still together. We’re almost 2months break now, we both don’t wanna go back to our relationship. His reason: he don’t wanna hurt me anymore and told me that I’m right to what ive said that he isn’t ready for any relationship yet since he can’t manage his time. My reason: we’ll do things over and over again and hurt one another. But we do still love each other. He admitted it he still loves and can’t make his self away from me . We still see each other and send sweet texts. We even say I love yous like nothings happening. But I know that we have to stop this. So the question now, should we stop and just move on or just go with the flow? I really can’t stand the fact that we’ll end like this while thinking those memories we’ve made. He’s my firstssss (as in all the first timesss are made with him) so as he, I’m his first gf. I know I can move on, but I just don’t want to :’( But my brain’s telling me that I should stop because this will lead to nothing but my heart’s telling me that I’m really happy with him. I dated guys but I tend to compare him to them. He have lots of good traits. So what should I dooooo? :’(
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 April 2012):
 It sounds like you're hanging on to him mainly because you are scared of being without him. And THAT isn't a reason to be with someone. You want to be with him because he is your first everything...? There are still tons of firsts out there for you to have, and clinging on to a guy just because SOME of your life long firsts were with him, while you probably have tons of other first time experiences with someone else, and yet have tons of first time experiences to come. So DON'T get hung up on romantic ideas about needing to stay with him because of some imagined contract since he's your first in only a selected few experiences.
Firsts you still haven't had for example: first engagement. First child. First marriage, first house bought together, first live-in boyfriend, first pet you get together, first vacation together, first this and first that. Do you really need all of your firsts in life to be with this guy just because he's already shared a few experiences with you?
Take the experiences he's given you and start up a better relationship with someone else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo. i gave him space. i didn't contact him for a month. he was the one who first messaged me that he still loves me and all. yeah. or at least an hour because we don't see that much. if its not once a week, it would be 1 in 2 or 3 weeks.
and don't get me wrong, he's always the one who's messaging me and i got to admit that i liked it because i miss him.
so please don't get me wrong that he's my only hobby because it's just kinda confusing right now since we broke up yet we're still doing things like couples do except we don't have the right to get jealous or check each phones or facebook accounts and so.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2012):
 At least 3 hours a day for conversation ? Isn't that rather high maintenance ? I think it would be quite an effort for most people.Most people don't have 3 hours a day every day to share among ALL the people in their life ( family, partner, friends etc.) imagine just for one.
And it sounds also that you've quite some time on your hands, maybe he is ,beside your love, also your main ( or only ? ) hobby. Perhaps if you could fine something interesting to absorb your attention you would find easier to compromise and give him space ?.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): No. He's enough for me. But his time isn't. I just want him to make time at least 3hours a day to talk things to me, to make conversation. But he's so busy :'(
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A
female
reader, I see!  +, writes (20 April 2012):
Follow the NO CONTACT RULE. Absolutely no contact with each other until yours/his feelings have subsided. It will take willpower but repeatedly think of something you despised about him.....
Don't romanticize your first relationship. Consider it a a first step to understanding you and what you desire/want in your future partner. I mean consider it your first experience...
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A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (20 April 2012):
So the main issue is he just hasn't enough time for you?
I guess he will have to *make* more time for you if a restart has any chance.
Do you know how much time you want from him? Discuss this with him. Maybe you guys can compromise but the difference with the old situation will have to be significant.
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