A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. Do you know when you are with someone and suspect that they are cheating on you but can't prove it?? It is the most frustrating thing ever. I've never been in this situation before, so I don't know if it is just me or if the signs are typical of this.Ok, me and my bf have been together 7months. He has admitted to cheating before on long term girlfriends and not told them-which I find disgusting and hard to forget. He claims he'd never do it to me, but i'm not sure.When we got together I insisted we both got an STD check. Im very safe and get tested after every partner. I got tested after a couple months of being together, but he kept putting it off and started arguements with me claiming that I made him feel disgusting by urging him to get tested. I simply wanted to make sure we were both clear so we could enjoy sex together.Finally, after 4 months he got tested. this was about 5 weeks ago. Now I know that results take between 1-2 weeks so he should have had them by now. yet he claims he hasnt. I think he may have had them and not told me because he has something. Which means he would have had to be cheating on me as my results were clear 4 months ago. When i ask him about it he avoids the topic of convo and today i had it out with him and told him im not sleeping with him til i know. now he has stopped speaking to me. Is this normal???he avoids my calls alot, cuts me off and sometimes dosnt text for hours and hours. he would have had plenty of chances to cheat on me.
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (13 May 2010):
 call the doctor he went to and ask for the results.
A
male
reader, mrantarctica  +, writes (13 May 2010):
 I can solve your problems in 3 easy steps.
1. Dump him.
2. Get yourself tested again. Get treated if necessary.
3. Get a new boyfriend. Start over.
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A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (12 May 2010):
 ANYONE who holds back that info has something to hide, don't let the "If you loved me you would take my word" crap go. If he was clean he would be happy to show you. The not telling you speaks volumes-You could be changing your entire life having sex with him-If he has aids, you will be forever marred, if he has a cureable one then you need to contact all your previous other lovers since you first encounter with him. That is no way to live, always wondering. When you move on, and you WILL, simply because he is already someone you cannot trust, you will wonder if you got something since the test-Is worring the rest of your relationship with him worth it, do you need that stress...Move on and leave him behind-It doesn't just affect you it may get pasted on during child birth, is that worth it? NO
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (12 May 2010):
 If he cheated on other girlfriends there is every probability he will cheat again given the opportunity. It suggests a certain personality disposition and whether he has cheated on you or not is irrelevant - he may well do, and you clearly don't trust him. If you don't trust him then I do not understand why you are dating him. If he is unwilling to discuss the STD results then you should go back to the clinic and get fresh tests run now, and again in a few months time. If he has tested positive for an STD it doesn't mean he has cheated on you - it can take a while for certain conditions to show up and you haven't been dating that long. He could have contracted an STD months or years ago that has gone unchecked as many have no symptoms.
However, regardless of whether he has an STD or not there are lots of aspects of his behaviour that should be a cause for concern to you. If you are sleeping with him then you should feel able to trust him and talk openly to him - if you don't then something is badly wrong and it is time to end the relationship.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 May 2010):
2 Things here.
1- Get yourself checked again. I had a test done at the request of my girlfriend before, for the same reason as you, and the tests came back in two weeks. So he;s either not got tested, or he's lying. If he's lying, then maybe he has a reason.
2 - It's clear you've sadly picked a guy who is truly a cheating, uncaring ass. You know he's cheated on more than one ex. And now he's stopped speaking to you? I think you need to dump him and do better. But also get tested again. There might be a nasty reason why he has ceased contact.
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A
female
reader, luvlyangie  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 My dear, you have to run as fast as your leg could carry you, this relationship is not safe. I think he has some skeletons in his cupbord... You can be just friends, add nothing more to it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2010): personally i make a habit of getting tested before each partner and making new partner get tested before any kinky business happens at all - its kept me safe and clean thus far, so i recommend it. Unless you know that they are clean 100%, i wouldn't be having sex with them at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2010): Hello,
So he's not allowing you to know what his results are which is unfair to you.
You mentioned he has a lot of time to be unfaithful to you, and you're aware he's cheated in previous relationships and says he won't do it to you.
Many women are highly intuitive and if something doesn't make sense there's usually a reason why.
If he's not wanting to disclose his results, is unresponsive a lot when u text etc then its time to ask him flat out what's going on.
It doesn't necassarily mean he's up to no good. I'd surely ask though.
Good luck
;D
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