A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in my 40's been with my partner on and off for nearly 11 years. When we met my marriage was failing and this relationship was everything I had ever wanted, he cared about me we talked for hours about emotional things and the sex was awesome. My ex husband made things very difficult for me and on a few occasions became violent towards me. My partner always professed I was the love of his life, in fact I was his life he said, said we were soulmates and would always be together. He was very jealous and obsessive, always thought I would leave him never believed I loved him. Because of our respective family situations we 'finished' numerous times but the pain of being apart was so bad we always worked things out. This year he got a new job which meant him working away and we planned our future and for the first time thought we were sorted. Then he began changing our plans and wouldn't talk about it and we began arguing. Then he dropped a bombshell he wanted to finish. He wouldnt see me although we kept in touch by text and phone. He went away again and started saying he had made a mistake and would always love me. Then he changed his number and cut me out of his life completely. I am heartbroken I don't understand any of it and feel I am now the obsessive one, I can't stop checking his fb or even driving passed his house now he back, I dont understand how he does not feel the pain I feel or how he can just cut off from me. I am now on anti depressants and my life has fallen apart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): I am feeling for you too as I can feel the pain in your post.
There is nothing really I can say to you help you understand this or help you get over this. There is nothing at this moment in time that is going to help you get over the pain. When my husband left me he cut off totally and I was just abandoned. I thought I was going to die and the world was going to swallow me up. I too was on anti depressants and kept checking and re checking my e-mail, phone and texts to see if he would call. He didn't. The thing is when a man cuts off it is a final thing for them and they just instantly move on. I don't understand that behaviour but they do. It has been explained to me that for whatever reason they just have enough and won't deal with it any more. The changing phone number thing is a popular thing for men to do. I so know that you feel that your dreams have come to an end but they haven't and I mean that. This will get better and you will feel brighter but only with time.
All you can do is look after yourself and treat yourself well during this time. Spoil yourself and buy yourself things.
When I eventually spoke to my ex husband again he told me he had cut off because he didn't want anything more to do with me but he didn't have the guts to tell me, it was easier doing a runner - no confrontation and trying to justify himself. I don't think it is like this for you but since he has cut you off you are just going to have to get on with things, you have no other choice. I promise you some days will be good and some really really hard but you will get through this and you will be a much stronger person after this.
All the best, xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): First of all, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I can only imagine the pain and confusion you must be experiencing right now.
I read through your post a few times and the first thing that strikes me is that him getting a new job caused things to turn sour between you. He was spending more time away from you and it is possible that he changed his mind about you once he was away from all the drama.
Is your ex-husband still on the scene? Part of me also thinks that once your ex-husband was out of the picture, you became available and part of the inital attraction for him might have been that you weren't really available, so he was able to say lots of things he didn't necessarily mean because in his mind, he would never have to prove that you really meant all these things to him?
Whatever is going through his mind, one thing is obvious, his feelings about you have changed. You now have to work through all your own feelings and emotions and look to a future without him. I promise, you might feel terrible now but these feelings will not last forever. You will get over him.
Good luck!
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