A
female
age
30-35,
*horna
writes:I think that my fiance may be cheating on me. I am not sure, but something tells me that he is, and that he is still lieing to me about it when I confronted him. I found texts twice on his phone about him meeting up with someone and them catching up. He also described in the texts what he wanted to do to said person and their friend. When I confronted him he told me it was jokes and that he did it cause people keep saying he's under the thumb. I want to believe and trust him, but something keeps telling me not to. The texts also add up with the excuses he made to get away from me when we go out, or not come when I go to my sisters. is there anyway that I can tell for sure if he is cheating or not. He also gets angry when I mention him cheating, and he seems secretive with his phone and messages. He constantly goes on my profiles, but if I go on his, he doesn't like it. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): I can totally relate. My bf does the same. He's hiding something. If it truely was nothing then he wouldnt get so mad about it. He would want you to feel comfortable and secure let you look and reassure you that its nothing. Explain to by him being so secretive with his device that he's losing your trust and if he wants to gain it back he know's what has to be done.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Your boyfriend's behaviour sounds irrational and unreasonable. Explain to him your fears and point out why you feel like that. He should be able to rationally and calmly provide a response/reason. If he over reacts he might be hiding something. You need to be very certain you fully trust this man. Without trust a relationship means nothing and I write this as someone who is in a relationship where I am the one who isn't being trusted despite never having done anything remotely improper.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Don't think I'm joking, because I'm not...The only way to know for sure is to smell his penis when he comes home from suspected journey to a skank. Don't let him make it to a shower or even to a bathroom, but catch him as soon as his balls enter the doorway. Pretend you're about to give him head or something else, but sniff it when you're down there, and check for anything out of the ordinary. Smell his clothes for perfume, and look for scratch marks on his back. Watch his eyes while you go near him, without being noticed..If he buys condoms by the box, count the condoms after each use, if you use condoms.. When there's one or more missing here and there, unless he's jacking off with them on, that's another clue. Check for smoke smell on his breath, unless he smokes or he might be hiding smoking from you. Hopefully he's not cheating on you, but it sounds like he most certainly is.
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A
female
reader, annalee123 +, writes (19 February 2010):
Follow your gut instinct. If he is able to look a your profiles you should be able to do the same. Just ask him unexpectedly to show you his phone and if he won't then that will answer your questions. Better to find out now before getting married.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): You don't need proof of him cheating. Because ultimately, this is about trust. Can you trust him, yes or no. If yes: then you wont suspect he is cheating, if no: you think he might cheat on you. Are you going to spend the rest of your life suspecting him, sneaking around looking for evidence, always stay on watch?
See it doesn't matter if he really cheats on you or not, because you don't have trust in him either way. Im not saying you should trust him, his behavior would make me suspicious too. And if he is unable to assure you that nothing is wrong, he does not stop with suspicious acts... why should you live with that? Why should you tolerate that he sends texts like that to other girls trying to "prove" that he's not under the thumb or whatever. Why should you tolerate that he doesn't want to come with you here or there. If he acts suspicious he shouldn't! He shouldn't be acting suspicious and making you wonder if he's cheating on you or not, he should rather be showing you he can be trusted.
So it's up you, do you trust him or not? If yes: stop thinking he is cheating. If no: then it doesnt matter if he cheats or not because he can't be trusted.
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A
male
reader, mikebbin +, writes (19 February 2010):
i don't know if what i'm about to say is right, i'd just like to tell you what i think. your not boyfriend and girlfriend now your engaged to be married and this is the first step to commitment , trust is so important for the future of your married life any doubt no matter how small should tell you that you are not going to have a future with this man. it's one thing to cheat when your just going out but not after serious commitment. hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (19 February 2010):
Sounds like he is - my ex bf was exactly the same... very VERY secretive with his phone, never left it down always had it by his side, even when going to the shower or toilet! Also I found msgs like you have found, and I got those same kind of excuses...only to find out my instincts were right..he was cheating..
Sweetie think long and hard about your relationship with him before you get married...ALWAYS trust your gut instincts because 99% of the time they are right! I hope for your sakes hes not because its the worst feeling ever to find out the truth...but dont let his bullshit excuses make you believe him... i believed my ex's excuses even though I still felt he was lieing to me but I didnt want to accept the truth...3 years later and he cheated again and got someone pregnant..dont end up in my shoes wasting anymore of your life..
good luck xo
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Sounds like he probably is cheating. Or at least doing something he doesn't want you to know about. Try tricking him. Have a friend that he doesn't know send a text message. It can read, "hey it's me. My phone is dying so I borrowed my friends. I need to tell you something in person so can we meet in half an hour?".
Have your friend send it when you are with him. And if he replies to it then you'll know. But if he gets a message don't ask him who it is. Pretend you didn't hear it go off. And tell your friend to let you know what he replies...
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