A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my husband of 13 yrs, had an affair with someone I know, lasting 18 months. I always knew there was something going on, but was told bt=y him, that I was mad. He physically abused me, continued to want sex, and told me I was ungrateful, and had everything I wanted. He now expects me to "forget about it" despite having read hundreds of emails and texts, saying she is his soulmate, the only way he will be truly happy is to be with her forever. I have four children (his).He says he was deluded, and its over, yet I caught got a phone with calls and messages 3 months ago. I also contracted std during this time, having always been so careful. help!!!!!!!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (7 June 2008):
 So his 18-month delusion included lying to you, physical abuse, giving you an STD, and telling you were ungrateful, IN ADDITION TO betraying you with this other woman? That's some delusion!
Now he's asking you to just "forget about it". It sounds like his delusions aren't over yet. Obviously it was easy falling into this woman's embrace, and now he thinks it'll be just as easy swanning back into your arms.
We haven't heard yet exactly what he said to you when he asked you to forget about it, but unless it was something like a minor religious conversion, it sounds like he thinks you're a simple-minded chump. Even just the physical abuse would be enough to leave a man under normal circumstances. With all this other stuff, I can't see why you would want to keep this prick around.
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (7 June 2008):
 Is this the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Is this the guy you want your kids to grow up with as a role model??
Get rid of him hun, you know that this is the right thing to do, he has abused you, cheated on you and told you that you're mad when he was cheating on you for 18 MONTHS. During that time, he wasn't thinking about you or your kids at all. What makes you think that he's not gonna do it again? Because you have his word for it? Coz clearly his word means nothing anymore. He just lies and deceives. He's an asshole to put it blantantly.
Leave him and take the kids and go and stay with your parents or a friend, I'm sure that after a while you'll realise it was the best thing you've ever done.
You don't want to be stuck here forever do you?
Do what you know is right for you and your children.
Take care xxx
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A
male
reader, B and T  +, writes (7 June 2008):
Simply, you can forgive but not forget. Throw him out and collect the kids check. This wasn't an affair of passion, he dragged you into his gutter.
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A
female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (7 June 2008):
I feel for you... you are worth so much more than what he makes you think... he wants you to believe that this your fault & because of this, you should have to put up with his crap! well he sounds stupid! he should not be allowed(by you) to disrespect you like this... I don't care what excuses he gives you for his behavior he was not thinking about you or those kids when he was layed up with that woman...the only thing he is probably sorry about, is the fact his secret is out... please get some help & the strength for yourself & your 4 beautiful kids!! you can do this , always think highly of yourself & don't show your kids that this is an exceptable way to live.. if you have girls remember that little girls end up with men similar to their fathers & boys end up treating women just like their fathers... this is a cycle please get out before it is too late! good luck sweety!
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A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (7 June 2008):
 if you forgive him then theres a good chance he will do it again.
if you steal a cookie and your punishment is just someone saying it was bad you will likely do it again but if you steal a cookie and your mom chops off your hand you wont ever steal anything again. he has to pay for what hes done. but please understand the choping off his hand was just a joke, dont do anything that drastic. just leave him.
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A
female
reader, anee +, writes (7 June 2008):
 second thoughts.... leave him ...if he is physically abusing you, you need to leave him.no man should ever do this. please think what is best for you and childrenxxxx
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A
female
reader, anee +, writes (7 June 2008):
im so sorry to hear what has happened to you.
it seem like you have forgotten tht u are a strong woman. you do not have to live like this.
if he truly loved you he would have never done these things.
he has conditioned you to feel like u deserve this but you dont. i no tht it is hard but maybe write a list of pros and cons... and if they are significantly uneven you need to act on this...
you do not have to go through abuse and you are worth more.
personally i would find it too hard to rebuild the trust after this.
just remember tht u are ur own person and u can be a strong and confident woman.
i hope things work out ok for u,
xxxxx
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