A
female
age
41-50,
*upid lover
writes:A man that I was dating walked out of my life in October '12.We were only dating for 6 months but it was intense. He told me he was in love with me and hinted toward marriage in the future.He was recently divorced, his father died while we were dating and he had stresses about his kids. Because of these things the last 3 months of the relationship was stressful for both of us. He walked out without saying anything. He disappeared from my life and never replied to any messages or calls. I ended up deleting him from Facebook and moving on.The thing is- I loved him but never told him and I know that this really hurt him. It has been quite a long time since he left and just lately I have felt like contacting him. I don't really expect anything. I just miss him. Maybe he's with someone else. I have no idea. Is contacting him a bad idea?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (2 February 2014):
 I must agree that I think it's a bad idea to contact him, though I do understand the temptation since the connection was intense, you feel you did something wrong (not telling him you loved him), and you got absolutely no closure when he disappeared. But I don't you not saying you loved him is what led him to leave the relationship.
Sometimes people who are freshly separated or divorced are not the best people to date, because they're going through all sorts of emotions and stresses that are unrelated to you. You can get caught in the cross-fire, when you've done nothing wrong. He just wasn't ready for a relationship and realised this. Meanwhile, he's had plenty of time to contact you if he wanted to, and he hasn't.
Maybe there a reason why you've just recently been thinking of contacting him? I'd sit through these feelings and the urge to contact him, but not act on it. The feelings will fade. I think if you contact him and he doesn't respond, or he responds to say he's in a relationship, it will leave you feeling worse and more rejected, and possibly slightly embarrassed that you reached out.
Good luck to you.
A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (2 February 2014):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. I know what you are saying. I guess it's just hard to believe.He showed me a few times during the relationship that he does not deal with confrontation well or at all! So, I may never find out what happened at the end there. Even though it was a while ago now I still feel like some closure would help. I know I should be able to see from how he behaved that it is over but it was just so sudden. The weird thing is that I was over it for the past 7 months as all of a sudden I am thinking about him again.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 February 2014):
 I agree with CG. I often think that the chasing is best left to the men and his actions (not words) are a good indicator to how he really felt.
He left you and cut all contact, that 'says' 'I want rid of you'
Whatever reason he left for, I don't think it was because you didn't say you loved him. I am sure he would have given some sort of warning before he left, if that was the case.
How would you feel if you contacted him again and discovered he was with someone else?
Years ago I dated a man for a few months, but found he had an aggressive streak to his nature and was really short tempered, so I ended the relationship because he scared me. A few months later I was in the supermarket shopping when I felt a tap on my shoulder, turned around and it was him. He beamed at me, hugged me and asked how I was. He chatted for a few minutes and then this woman came up behind him and took his hand. His attitude changed and he smirked at me 'This is my beautiful partner' he then made a hasty retreat. I am pretty sure that he just wanted to glaot that he had moved on and found such a gorgeous woman and even though I didn't want to be with him, it still hurt, seeing as I was still single.
This was a man I didn't want to be in a relationship with...so imagine if you found out something similar from someone you still loved?
I think it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. It's not worth the pain.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 February 2014):
I don't think contacting him will achieve anything. Whilst he may have had his stresses in his life, he was actually very cruel to you in the end, and this really did show him up for who he was. Things moved far too quickly between you in some ways, and other problems such as the issue with the children were not dealt with as effectively as they needed to be. And to walk out on you, saying nothing, and then never contact you or reply to you is actually very cruel. If I was being honest with you, that is more likely a sign that he had someone else somewhere - perhaps his ex wife was back in the picture, perhaps another woman. Perhaps on the other hand he did just snap and needed space.
Even so, whatever happened, it's best not to go back to something that did end so coldly without explanation. It's only more likely that you'll get hurt again.
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