A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is being shy and quiet just an immediate turn off to guys? The reason I ask this, is because I have not once had a guy show any interest in me whatsoever. And I don't mean as in wanting to date me or anything, just show an interest, try talking to me, try to strike up a friendship. I'm a very shy person when it comes to talking to guys. I tend to be very worrisome about what others think of me. I know I shouldn't but sometimes you just can't control the thoughts that come into your head. I'm a bit insecure at times with self-esteem, but other days I'm happy as can be and perfectly happy with who I am. And I've heard that people like a person who's happy and not down on themselves. I would like to talk to guys, but unfortunately I am too afraid to just walk right up and start chatting. The reason I've been waiting for someone to talk to me first, is because that way I KNOW they'll want to talk and I won't be a bother to them. I mean I'm pretty okay at chatting with guys when I'm put into groups like in class or with a group of friends, but one on one, I panic and avoid them at all costs. I do think I was able to get decent practice the other day in a class when we had to pair up and work on public speaking skills such as eye contact, gestures, posture, etc. But we had to face each other and speak for 30-45 seconds about whatever topic our teacher gave us. And to be honest I kind of felt like I was on a mini-date because some of the prompts held genuine interest, such as our majors, our favorite classes, our hobbies, etc. And the guy I was with was really nice and friendly and I felt like we connected well as partners. We laughed a lot, he showed interest in the things I was saying and I really enjoyed speaking with him and hearing his answers as well(aside from the eye contact because it makes me really uncomfortable). The problem though, is that it was just for a class. We were both nervous but being thrown into it gave me an excuse to talk to him. But what excuse do I have to randomly walk up to a guy and talk to him? He's most likely not interested in meeting someone and has better things to do.This is why, like I said, I've been waiting for someone to approach me. I need that self-assurance that they will not be annoyed by me and actually want to talk, because the last thing I want to do is be a bother.Do you guys have any tips on what I can do to not be so shy? Or maybe ways I can get someone's attention rather than waiting? (I do occasionally dress up and wear make-up simply to make myself feel good but I still don't get people's attention) And please don't say "Just walk up to them" because if I could do that so easily I wouldn't be asking this question...Thank you in advance for any advice. Sorry if this got a little confusing...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2014): me again! sorry, i just looked at your question again! ok, if that guy was nice, and friendly and you felt like you both "connected" then surely saying hi or giving a smile shouldn't bother him, right? and if u talk to someone else and they seem bothered, at least you know not to bother them again. i think you should try to avoid the grumpy looking sort, and stick with the nice and friendly looking people. at least they know you wanna talk to them, right?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2014): oh, i forgot to add. a lot of nice guys like shy girls. they think it's sweet. but maybe not bad boys. i would say dont change yourself, just try to be a bit more socialable, d'yough get wut i'm trying to say?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2014): No, being shy is not a turn-off. I'm a little shy myself, and I have guy friends. But I'm not too shy. Maybe if u see a guy and think about how much u want to be friends or even more then friends, u could just say hi, or give a smile. Even from a distance! Did you know that a smile is the most recognizable facial expression from a distance?
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