A
female
age
30-35,
*115k119
writes:Hello there,I have been with my boyfriend for almost 16 months now. When i first met him he was a depressant after splitting up with his ex girlfriend, i helped him through it and he has been on and off them for some time know. He often says he wants to kill himself, he says everything thats wrong in his life is my fault, he says he hates me then he loves me. Last night for example he called to call me all the names under the sun, said i was a bute and pathetic and he was leaving me. He sat at a bus stop with no money and no intention of catching the bus saying "ill just stay here tonight, on my own, raining, suicidal" so eventually i persuded him to come back to my house. Once we were there he continued his abuse, i got him some food and a blanket and he told me all about how he wanted to sleep with out people, about how i was nothing compared to his ex girlfriend. I went to my bed upset and slept for a while - he then came up from the sofa - all lovey dovey but only wanting sex - i refused and said i was to tired, so he just starts shouting well its over, this is a part time relationship, we have nothing now, your boring and mean nothing to me - his attitude continued this morning as i drove him to work, his attitude then changed for bit and he said he was sorry and he loved me and now he is emailing me at my work saying he is suicidal. He has absolutely no consideration for me what so ever, i am 10 years younger than him and i am still more mature than him. He has lived me since we met and then he suddenly moved out on monday, my family went on holida y for 3 weeks and i start a new job and he had be crying the first day. I don't know whatt o do - am i over reacting? Please help me
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emotional blackmail, ex girlfriend, his ex, money, moved out Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, blackberry008  +, writes (30 September 2008):
 It looks like you are getting numbed and used to the way he acts and treat you. DON'T GET USED TO THIS!
A person always acts the best in front of the person he really loves.
LEAVE HIM! Other guys are waiting for you. :)
A
male
reader, young guy  +, writes (25 September 2008):
he is too desperate and for that blackmailing is his first step..whatever be the case, he should not compare you with his ex...that is too mean and rude of him..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): You are young, you dont need to deal with this, yes he has issues but hes treating you worse than how you would treat a fly, he is using and abusing you. not worth it, move on, you should definitely not be in a relationship with this guy becuase one of many reasons. HE should not be in a relationship at all in his state you don't have the power to change him i am GARUANTEEING IT let him get on with it maybe he'll melt in the rain, if he doesnt change his ways he will fizzle and die (not literally) im sorry you cant help him please just move on you deserve better xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): sweetie, ditch him
If this is what he has been like for 16 months, there is nothing you can do to help him. Hes either mentally unstable or completely hung up on his ex, but either way, those factors dont make for a good relationship between the two of you.
walk out of his life and get on with your own. you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, GeorgiaGirl84 +, writes (24 September 2008):
 It's definitely emotional abuse. I've dealt with the a similar situation with my ex boyfriend. He sent me an IM on Christmas pretending to be someone else and said he had committed suicide because I broke up with him. It took three days for me to realize he was okay. He was constantly using tricks like that to keep me in his life. The thing is this- eventually you're going to get sick to death of his emotional abuse. If you're allowing it to happen, he will keep doing it. It's just going to get more elaborate and devastating because he's going to have to come up with more creative ways to keep you in his life. At some point you'll make a realization about accountability. The only person you are responsible for is yourself. You have to make yourself happy. If someone is not making you feel better about yourself, they don't deserve to be a part of your life. I hope your situation turns out like mine, because I realized he was only making empty threats. I got sick of it all and I moved on. He contacts me every now and then so I know he's ok despite all the threats. So make the choice to be happy and be with someone who makes you feel the way you deserve. You'll be much better off. People can only make you feel as bad as you let them.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 September 2008):
 16 months ago, did you get a boyfriend or a project? Did you drive by the 2nd hand shop to pick up fix'em up'er with the idea that with a bit of DIY you would get yourself a real good one?
Sorry, that hardly works. The guy was a nutcase when you met him and more then a year later he still is. Rather then worry about him, you need to take a long hard look at your own motives for being with him.
A boyfriend is not a wounded bird fallen from its nest you can nurse back to health, then release in the wild and feel all good about yourself (despite that the bird totally untrained and used to humans will have the life expetencancy of... well of a human raised bird in the wild).
He needs proffesional mental care IF there is indeed anything really wrong with him and he is not just using his mood swings to get what he wants without having to take charge of his own life.
No doubt you like the idea of "helping him get over it", well that makes you a nurse or councelir, not a girlfriend.
Don't fix him, fix yourself and start with the reasons why you want a boyfriend who is so dependent on you.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (24 September 2008):
 He was so suicidal that he had sex on his mind. Sometimes i struggle to understand why people cant see when someone is taking the p. Of course he's emotionally blackmailing you.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): You need to get out of this relationship fast. This guy is mentally unstable and needs help. Professional help.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (24 September 2008):
 He is not your child, he should be your equal. You should not be the one to solve all of his problems. He clearly has issues but I don't think being suicidal is one of them, that seems to be to guilt you into staying with him.The best thing you can do is inform his family of his claims of suicide, give him back to his REAL mother and wash your hands of him.He may have been fine for you when you were younger but you have outgrown him. How can you live your life when he expects you to drop everything for his emotional issues?
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