A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been seeing my b/f for 5 months.He told me he loved me 4 months into the relationship. We have not been 'intimate' yet, shall we say and I realy want to but the thing is he does'nt know I am a virgin.(He isn't)Anyway.... Yesterday i was sat in a cafe with him and he just came out and said " would you be ready to have a baby?"I nearly spat out my food and just laughed , then he asked it again. I just said " No"then he said he wanted kids etc, and that there was no risk of that as we hadn't got 'intimate'!I was shy towards the situation but saw for the first time that he realy wants to.I do want to. realy i do. but my main fear is getting pregnant and i can't go on the pill as it makes me ill and get fat.The thing is he is taking me out tonight, and i think he wants us to have sex tonight, but I am a little scared!What can i say to him? How can i make myself more reassured if i go for it!?Thanks xxxXXXxxx(p.s. we are both 20)
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shy, still a virgin, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): If you're not ready to have sex, tell him so. If he loves you, he'll understand. He will be patient. You do need to use some form of birth control if you are going to have sex, because, it sounds like your boyfriend may try to get you pregnant on purpose, because he's made it clear that he wants kids. You if you don't want kids yet, you need to make that clear to him. If he really loves you, he will respect your wishes. Make him wear a condom. Tell him, "no glove, no love" (That's what my sister says) He may try to say that he's allergic to latex, but this is just an excuse. There are condoms that are also made of polyurethane, and condoms made of lambskin. There is no reason a guy can't wear a condom. Besides, it will protect you from possible STD exposure (Remember, you don't know who he's been sleeping with)
Alternate forms of birth control are foam, there's a shot form of birth control, there's a cup, ask your doctor.
A
female
reader, jn +, writes (1 September 2006):
 The pain you are experiancing could be caused by and unusually thick hymens, if so that may require a hymenotomy to prevent further pain. Have you ever had a pap or do you use tampons?
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (29 August 2006):
 Babes, go to the docs just to make sure that you are ok, if the pain is localised on your right hand side for example you may have a kidney infection or a U.T.I (Urinary Tract Infection)
My sister had one, its nothing serious as long as you get the correct medicines and look after yourself. For the time being, drink at least 10 glasses of water per day and 5 glasses of Cranberry Juice. But please see your GP. Take care xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt has been four days of pains, in my abdominals is this normal?
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (28 August 2006):
Oh I see, I did misunderstand you, that was his line to initiate sex? Smooth talker isnt he!!!!! Well my dear I am glad he was loving and kind, the bleeding is common if it was your first time, but how long have you been having abdominal pains? If they are persistent just see your GP to check that everything is ok. Take care babes. xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll of your answers have been great! but i think you misunderstood my question. He doesn't realy want a baby with me i just think it was his way of getting us around to talking about sex.It did make me think about it more, YES we have now slept together. He was very loving and kind to me, but i have realy hurt since in my abdominals and i did bleed a lot afterwards! He still didn't think that i was a virgin, he was just worrying that he had hurt me.he just assumed i hadn't for a while and i had only had one partner so i never put him right! should i have told him? and what is the pain i am feeling?thanx xxXXxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): 20 is awfully young yet to be trying to make babies. you dont need to and if hes pushing it and your not ready.... you know what to do. you have more say than he does as to when you want to go through pregnancy.
being a virgin at 20 is fine too.. you dont have to rush anything. be yourself!
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A
female
reader, let me help! +, writes (27 August 2006):
Tell him you arnt ready to play happy families! If he loves you, tell him before it gets off the edge. You just need to tell him about that your a virgin, then everything should be cool from there. XxXxX frm paula ps - cheak out this web - www.unplannedparenthood.com,or speak to someone you trust. good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2006): Hi my name is cheryl I was in the same sittuation but only to find out my bf was a virgin to we both got really drunk and had a laugh I though I might as well I love him an he loves me and we gunna do it soon so the longer you put it of the worse and more scared your gunna be be make sure its what you want but the same as you I never took the pill and the condom didnt work iam now 8 months pregnant but very happy.
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (26 August 2006):
This is most bizarre, if you have been together for 5 months and have not had sex, well thats fine, nothing wrong with that, but I am a bit miffed as to why he would suddenly say he wants a baby when you havennt even been doing anything which causes babies to be made. You are young anyway my dear, there is no hurry just yet. If you are not ready then tell him straight, but before you canevenhave babies, you need to have an intimate relationship first, you need to know if you are compatible in that way as well. xXx
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A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (25 August 2006):
 you shouldnt feel pressurized into doing something that you dont as though your ready for doing! If your not ready to have sex then just simply tell him that you dont feel ready yet and would he mind leaving it for another while. as for haivng children i strongly advise you against this, you are still at the beginning of your relationship and 5 months is not long enough to determine if you wanna have children and be emotionally connected to this man for the rest of your life. Try going out with him a good while longer cuz chances are you may not feel ready to have children with him...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2006): Its way to early in your relationship to be considering having a baby together. You haven't even been comfortable enough to tell him your a virgen. You hav'nt even had sex yet. Relationships go through phases and it takes at least two years before you really know a person that your in a relationship with. In addition meeting his family, ensuring the his family does not have any genetic conditions that run in the family that you would not want your child to have. You should take time to enjoy each other's company. Creating a life will forever bond you and the child to him. Suppose you find out he is not a person you want in life? Get to know him and take it slow. Virginity is not something you can ever get back. And remember a baby is a person that grows into an adult with needs, emotionally and physically. Are you prepared to give them this stability. How can you know when you just met you boyfriend and have to establish stability with each other?
Carameljac MS.
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A
female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (24 August 2006):
 Don't let yourself be pressured into doing anything that you don't feel ready to do. Having children at the age of twenty is a bit young, you should be out there enjoying yourselves. I am proud to hear that you are still a virgin at your age, and that your boyfriend has waited this long to sleep with you. I definately think that this is the right guy to lose ot too as I think that it will be special for you. Don't be ashamed of being a virgin though, I think if anything he will respect you a lot more. He will see you as pure. Just tell him you do not feel ready for children at the moment, I am sure he will see sense when you explain all the things he will miss out on if you did. Such as going out etc. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you hunny
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (24 August 2006):
 Firstly, you need to speak to him about this. Tell him you're not ready and he can take or leave you as you are. He has no right to make you feel guilty or bad for not doing this, this is your life! Having a baby so young and so early into a relationship is very unwise. Maybe he's feeling a bit bored and restless so try and mix things up in other ways. Another reason is maybe that he wants to tie you down to him, which is never a good idea.
Whatever his reasons, you must stick to your guns and not get pregnant until you're ready. He may want kids but ultimately, it's you who will be left holding the baby if he decides he wants something else a year or two down the line. Tell him all this, tell him you need to go one step at a time and when you're both ready and the relationship is strong enough, then maybe you can try for a baby.
Go to your doctor and see what other birth control you can try. I know you say the pill makes you feel fat and sick but what about the injection or a different brand of pill? Be careful to use condoms too and bring your own, you never know what he might do to the condoms if he really wants a baby that much!
Good luck and be strong: this isn't right for you yet so take it slow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): The fact that you need reassurance might suggest that your not ready to sleep with him, and if he honestly loves you, he will understand if your not ready. And im sure he will because he's already waited 5 months and most guys his age wouldnt do that.You should be honest with him and tell him your a virgin because serious relationships need total honesty. And remember, it doesnt matter that your a virgin because everyone is different to each other so each time you sleep with someone new, its a completely new experience so dont worry about not being the same as the other people hes slept with.You never know, he could be just as nervous as you as you've been together so long!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): To me it sounds absolutely crazy to seriously want to sign up to a life long commitment as a parent after spending 5 months with someone AND at such a young age.
I think it is also quite worrying that you have been with this guy for 5 whole months and he still doesn't know you're a virgin? I don't understand how you have managed to go out together for so long yet managed to seemingly never talked about sex, intimacy, and past relationships.
To be honest I think the very last thing on your mind is to find reassurance and "go for it".
You clearly need a long, proper talk with your boyfriend about all of this. Good luck.
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