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female
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anonymous
writes: I broke up with my boyfriend 7 months ago after a year together because i felt i did not love him anymore despite him being kind, caring and considerate. He adored me but i felt he was too nice. We had our ups and downs as friends since but recently we slept together again and now I feel it was a mistake to break up. I want him back.We discussed it and decided to give it another go but then he told me that 3 weeks ago he started seeing someone (we weren't together then) he slept with me 1 week into this and didn't tell her. He then carried on seeing and sleeping with her. Then slept with me again and became confused. He decided it's me he wants so he broke it off with her. The problem is I am hurt and confused he was seeing her even though i know it's wrong as we weren't together. I am also shocked that he behaved this way - sleeping with both of us as, it is totally out of character for him.Should I get back with him? I love him but am very hurt by him right now. Am I wrong to feel hurt?
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female
reader, Lavenderlady1954  +, writes (11 January 2009):
You are being very unreasonable and unrealistic, considering it was you who broke up with him in the first place. Everyone is either coming into or getting out of a relationship, and during the transition in between relationships - when attachments have not been completely severed yet with the current relationship, it is difficult to sort out your emotions and thereby end a committed relationship with one partner before deciding to go back to a previous one, who ultimately dumped you to begin with.
No, I don't think he cheated on you, and under the circumstances of your fickle behavior i.e. changing your mind and wanting him back - it is you who should be looking within yourself and evaluating what you did wrong in terminating the relationship with him to begin with. The Bible has a good saying that reads: "Remove the beam from your own eye, before taking the splinter out of someone else's". You unreasonably expected loyalty and commitment from him - when he was committed to seeing someone else on a regular basis and not you at the time you asked him to get back together.
You must be very young and immature to expect him to behave any differently than he has. You're fortunate he took you back. The majority of men have delicate egos that shatter more easily than a woman's in matters of the heart.
A
female
reader, Lavenderlady1954 +, writes (11 January 2009):
You are being very unreasonable and unrealistic, considering it was you who broke up with him in the first place. Everyone is either coming into or getting out of a relationship, and during the transition in between relationships - when attachments have not been completely severed yet with the current relationship, it is difficult to sort out your emotions and thereby end a committed relationship with one partner before deciding to go back to a previous one, who ultimately dumped you to begin with. No, I don't think he cheated on you, and under the circumstances of your fickle behavior i.e. changing your mind and wanting him back - it is you who should be looking within yourself and evaluating what you did wrong in terminating the relationship with him to begin with. The Bible has a good saying that reads: "Remove the beam from your own eye, before taking the splinter out of someone else's". You unreasonably expected loyalty and commitment from him - when he was committed to seeing someone else on a regular basis and not you at the time you asked him to get back together.You must be very young and immature to expect him to behave any differently than he has. You're fortunate he took you back. The majority of men have delicate egos that shatter more easily than a woman's in matters of the heart.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): no u r not wrong
it is human nature we dont like sharing in love
if we share it then its not love
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (30 January 2006):
 how long were you split up? 2 weeks ? a year? how long was it before he started seeing the other girl?
i ask because if he started seeing this girl so soon after you split up then i i cant say id forgive as i would never feel that i could of meant that much to him , if a guy really loves you then he wont see splitting up with you as a good opportunity to try jumping into bed with another girl, he would be upset over you first.
when my ex left me i spent 6 months crying myself to sleep every night before even thinking about going out with anyone else!
of course its different for everyone but the added facter of him two timing i know thats something i could never get over especially with someone i loved,
but this is you not me and if you think you can handle it then like the others say he chose YOU , just in my eyes with a guy who loves there would never be another to chose between
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A
female
reader, alwaysbrokenhearted_20056 +, writes (29 January 2006):
 well really it is ok to feel hurt. I have been in the same place as you one to many times with a friend that i have been secretly seeing for over 8 months now... I saw him recently with another women and i just got so upset. He told me that i was his only one. But he has another women on the side that he is public with. Although we havent been public with our relationship many people know. He says they are just friends...yeah right. But hold you're head up b/c if he can find someone else knew so can you.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (4 January 2006):
 Its' always hard to see other people the one you love has slept with whatever the circumstances so you're not crazy for feeling this way. I go out of my mind every time I see a fling/ex of my boyfriend!!
But it sounds to me like you were both haing problems and were both confused about what you wanted at the time. I know it's hard to imagine him doing this but people do strange things when they get hurt and are in love.
I can understand you being upset, I can't say I could forgive this as it would hurt me too much and I would never be happy with him again. However, if you're not as psychotic as me (!) you have to leave the past behind you and work on this. If it's what you both want and you are determined to make it work, it will. This won't go away, just don't let it become a major problem.
And look on the bright side, you must have been better as he finished her for you! Go for it girl and make it work, don't let someone else get in the way or whatever he got upto with her. Good luck
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (3 January 2006):
 From what you say, he was in a relationship with her and sleeping with both of you, though he was truthful about the situation. You are right to feel hurt.
Since he told you it is you that he wants, it is your decision on how you feel in regards to taking him back. Im sure he has some second thoughts about getting back together with you, since you ended the relationship to begin with, and were unsure of your love for him. That may be part of the reason he seems so indecisive.
It sounds as if you are the one that he loves, since he is willing to take the risk of being hurt once again to be with you. You have both caused enough hurt between the two of you, and its time to make amends. Hopefully your love for each other will be strong enough to work at the relationship and give it a second chance.
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A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (3 January 2006):
From what you say, he was in a relationship with her and sleeping with both of you, though he was truthful about the situation. You are right to feel hurt.
Since he told you it is you that he wants, it is your decision on how you feel in regards to taking him back. Im sure he has some second thoughts about getting back together with you, since you ended the relationship to begin with, and were unsure of your love for him. That may be part of the reason he seems so indecisive.
It sounds as if you are the one that he loves, since he is willing to take the risk of being hurt once again to be with you. You have both caused enough hurt between the two of you, and its time to make amends. Hopefully your love for each other will be strong enough to work at the relationship and give it a second chance.
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female
reader, AgonyAuntsonEBAY +, writes (3 January 2006):
 Hi there. You have both been left feeling hurt and it is right to feel this way and to work your way through these feelings.You describe him as being too nice, kind, caring, considerate and adoring you. I think you need to decide whether you want a boring but nice or an exciting man in your life.You were bored before - I know how stifling being adored can get - and you had problems being just friends. You both seem to want to get back together so hopefully you will both be happy together.Just remember that no relationship is perfect but that it takes two people to work at the relationship to make it work.I know things will work out for the best for you both. x
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female
reader, kitykat +, writes (3 January 2006):
go for it if he didnt love you he wouldnt have dumped that other girl but take it slow like go out on a few dates then decide if you still want him and talk to him about what hurt you at the end of the day its you that matters
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male
reader, mister-squid +, writes (3 January 2006):
 You'd be surprised how often this sort of thing happens. Look, if he broke up with this girl for you, then it's not worth dwelling on, in my opinion. I mean, if you want him back, and he wants you back, and he HAS split up with this girl so he can be with you, what's the problem?Us guys get confused sometimes, too. We do things we don't mean to, and we learn from it. Mostly, it's "don't screw up like that again!", but we do learn from it. Give him a chance, and see if it works out.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (3 January 2006):
 Dearie, i understand how u feel. This guy was still obviously confused when he did it. i dont think he meant to do that to cheat or sleep with both of u. I am happy he told u though he is sincere which is a good quality.
You must understand that you broke his heart initially and it wont be easy for him to throw everything he had since then and walk away when he isnt sure of what u indeed were after. But he should have told u about her and he was wrong for sleeping with both of u. But am sure he didnt plan to do this either.
Just have it in the back of your mind that he didnt cheat since both of you werent together. He has made his choice and its u.
All the best.
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