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male
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anonymous
writes: A few months ago, i got out of a very destructive relationship, for both people. Im trying to move on, and get out the past, but i feel i cant. Ive had a few chances with other women, i mean if id taken the chance i would probably be in a happy relationship as i write. Something is holding me back, whenever i think of another girl my ex pops into my head as a sort of warning. Im afraid to be with someone incase i hurt them. I dont want to make any feel as bad as i made my ex feel. (She was very controlling and in the end i lashed out and cheated) I hate myself bitterly for what i did, and to get away from her, from my life ive joined the military. I guess where im going with this is, how can i get her out of my head ?? Is there anyway i can forgive myself for my mistakes and maybe find happiness again??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): I guess you have to ask yourself why you stayed in a controlling relationship, look inside yourself and find out the reason why and you will have more than answered your question about how to move on. Are you afraid to be alone. Concentrate on your own self esteem and when you are ready to take another relationship seriously then the right woman will be there for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for your help, its really appreciated. Ive taken all your advice and spent more time with friends, it does help. So Thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): First you have to give yourself all that time you need, to get over her. When you someday feel like you cant cry over her anymore, you are over her. And first when you are over her, you can go to a party be with other people and maybee you'll find a sweet girl, you will find happiness again.
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A
male
reader, mister-squid +, writes (3 January 2006):
 Getting over someone is always long and painful. I havn't gotten over an ex who broke up with me in April. But it gets easier as time goes by, and the best thing to do is tell her exactly what you want to. Seriously. If you want to yell and scream and insult her, do it, if it'll make you feel better. Running away doesn't help at all, though.If you seriously want to get over her, look at all the bad points of her, look at all the bad things she did/didn't do, concentrate on all her negative aspects. You'll grow to hate her, and that'll be the starting point of realising she's not worth thinking about.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (3 January 2006):
 Dearie, you will forget everything and with time. dont worry too much and be in so much haste to start dating if u arent ready. You can have friends to start with and build up from there.
I know we all feel guilty when our relationship ends. we try to see our own faults too and think we did an awful lot even though it is clear the other messed up more. I agree there is always two in a relationship but just have it in your mind that it wasnt meant to be. That is the simple explanation. You two didnt belong together doesnt mean u wont belong to another. There is someone out there who will be with u and make u fall in love again.
Go out with friends have fun. you have taken the right steps in moving on. You arent doing anything wrong and there isnt anything worng with u. All the feelings u have described is normal and part of ur moving on.with time u will heal.
All the best dear
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