A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay - This is probably not a big deal but I don't know how to handle it. My bf and I have been together about 1 year. We are buying a house together. Twice now he's gotten drunk and and is so mean. Not physically abusive or anything. But he'll say F* and K you or LEAVE - Get out of my house, etc. And I have no idea what makes him do that. Last night was the second time and both times have been when we've been at his parent's house. We aren't kids either and this is BS. What do you think? I don't wanna say he can't drink because we usually have a lot of fun but I don't know how to handle it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): The others are right. Don't commit to this guy until he swears to control his liquor because if he doesn't his behavior will only get worse to the point that he will lose all judgment and do something horrible like killing someone while driving.
You need to monitor your boyfriend and don't make any commitments until he commits to stop drinking alcohol because he has realized how impaired he becomes when he is under its influence. Believe me, you have seen Mr. Hyde and you only want to know Dr. Jekyll. You have to be careful and be prepared to walk if he does not reform.
A
female
reader, truelondoner  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 tell him how you feel when he treats u like this and tell him u feel like he is putting the drink (the obsettion) b4 yourself x
sorry if this advise is not very good, im still young myself and still learning, could u rate my answer pease?
thankyou & good luck xx
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (16 January 2010):
LEAVE!!!!!!!!!! Do not buy a house with this guy. Trust me!!!! Being drunk makes people do the things they really want to do. Its so stupid people say its the alcohol talking???? ALCOHOL doesn't talk!!!!!!! If he is this way when he's drunk just wait till u are with him for a long time. He's not physically abusive YET!!!!!!! Leave leave leave leave leave leave!!!!!!!! Do I need to say more??
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A
female
reader, Lizz +, writes (16 January 2010):
 What do you mean "it's probably not a big deal"? OF COURSE IT'S A BIG DEAL.
You need to talk to him about his horrible behaviour and let him know that you will not tolerate verbal abuse, no matter how scarce. Stand your ground on this issue. He needs to know his boundaries. By letting it slide or thinking it's no big deal you show him it's okay for him to treat you this way.
It could be the beginning of something serious. Many women in abusive relationships say that it started out small and then escalated. Even the fact that you've been with him for almost a year means nothing since many abused women knew their partners for months; sometimes years before any abuse began.
You can't tell him that he can't drink anymore. If he wants to drink, he will. And if he is attributing his poor behaviour to the fact that he was drunk then he needs to seek counseling and possibly AA.
I would seriously reconsider buying a house with this fella until you figure out what's going on. You could become financially reliant on an abuser. You and I both know where that would lead.
Do a little research on the issue, but first talk to him about how what he said made you feel. Assess the situation and most importantly, USE YOUR HEAD. It's a sure warning sign if he thinks you're overreacting or doesn't understand what your problem is.
If it feels wrong, then it is wrong. End of story.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): Ok girl-
you need to talk to him
Does he drink too much?
you have to have a nearly perfect relationship before you live together
Tell him how you feel
And maybe he will lay off the drinking
Hope this helped :)
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