A
female
age
41-50,
*tazy3
writes:My husband left my and the kids for his mistress. he met her online. She is 1400 miles away. He's been 1 1/2months. He tells me he loves her and she makes him happy but he still loves me. That he's just not in love with me. Not to mention he doesn't have a job so she pays for everything. And to top it all off I found some texts he sent her and he was lying saying he wasn't living with us. Not to mention all the other lies I'm sure. He did come visit the kids for two weeks then left again because she is his soulmate he claims. I filed for divorce he didn't sign said he's in no rush. But not ready to work on things either. I'm confused if he's in the fog or is it true love? Do I go through with the divorce or wait? Please I need advice.Everyone is telling me to forget about him and move on but I still love him so much and wish he would come back. For me and the kids. He did promise the kids he would move closer soon and he asked his mistress to move to not sure if her job will let her transfer and he owns a house and has two kids from a previous married. And I don't think anyone in her family or friends knows he is still married. Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): if he feels she is his soulmate, then who is anyone else to judge whether he's right or not? what makes a soulmate is the feelings between them so if he thinks she is, then she is.
and thus if someone else is your husband's soulmate, then that means you and him should not be married anymore. why would you want to be married to someone if you are not his soulmate but someone else is?
note his history: he was married once before you as he already has 2 kids and a house from a previous marriage. then he got married to you and had kids with you, and now he's moved onto another woman. This is not a guy that you should be focusing your hopes on. he goes around making long term commitments to people that he can't sustain.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): Drop him like a hot potato, you and your children will be just fine as the days go by, he cheated on you once before, he's no good, his mistress maybe having fun now but he is going to cheat on her also, maybe I shouldn't say this but I feel a cheater is always a cheater and a liar is always a liar. your children are going thru a divorce also and he should be ashame of himself laying up with another women knowing his children needs him, I'm sure she knows he has a family so that makes her just as bad as him. Sometimes things happen for the best.
You are not the only one going thru this, so many husbands and dads has left their families but you hang in there. I know this lady that walked out on her husband and the children so now the dad is raising the children all alone. There're so many people in this world that has ice water in their veins. Once he hit rock bottom then he gonna wanna come back and I wouldn't give him the second look, I would let him have thet no good Bi--h. You will meet another guy just give it some time.
Good Luck/Best Wishes
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Starzy3 I am sorry to say that he is just a selfish shallow inconsiderate man.
Make a list of the character traits you do need in a man and a list of those you do not want.
honorable good men are out there.
Some of the honorable good men will be turned off by the fact that you have children. But hang in there. Get the lawyer to spell it out very clearly in your application re what you need to support you and the children.
Be kind to the children - try to make life fun, even if on a showstring. Don't badmouth their father in front of them and do get some counselling.
Too often (suffering in silence) children think the divorce is their fault, so they need you to ensure that life goes on and is still fun. but that maybe some things have to change - things like choosing a cheaper option for presents, outings etc and not allowing grumbling about it. You can just as easily enjoy an outing to a park with a packed lunch as buy fast food.
You can just as easily enjoy making decorated eggs at home for Easter as buying them. things like that.
And making up their own fun at home by writing and performing a play at home, instead of buying tickets to see others do it.
Same with sport - more fun going to the park with a ball and playing together and enjoying a picnic lunch than paying to go to watch others.
You can survive this hiatus, even if you do not meet Mr Right in the next year you and the children can still have fun.
And when the time is right a guy will rather join a happy connected healthy household than a disgruntled dis-satisfield family . It's up to you now to show leadership to your children and help them forge a new life while their Dad flirts away. Growing up the kids will make their own decisions on which partent was the best.
Your actions will demonstrate who they trust the most.
Don't wait for your soon to be ex to make up his mind. He already set this all in train when he went off with his alleged 'soul mate"
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Does anyone believe in the affair fog?
Yep, there you go again.. forgive, forgive, forgive.. he's already cheated once, and now he's dumped you and run off again.. and you want us to help you with excuses for him....
Sigh... Love really is blind.
Can you at least get a divorce to protect your kid. Kids understand divorce, they don't understand dad is living with a woman, now he's come back, now he's gone off with another woman again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Divorce him.
I'm pretty sure his soul mate will take of her rose colored glasses at some point, but the thing is do you really want that lying sack of cheating man-folk back?
What is there to love about him?
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A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (5 February 2012):
This is a situation I know all to well. 2 years ago, my husband did the "EXACT SAME THING!
I was devastated, in shock and numb in disbelief, that my husband of 10 years would leave us.
The longer you "WAIT" for him, the longer you will "SUFER". You are not responsible for him leaving, but you are responsible to protect your emotions & your children's emotions. How you handle this situation will directly affect how they heal or hurt.
If you have already filed for divorce..GOOD FOR YOU... now proceed! Remember this...whatever you chase....will run. He will continue to treat you like crap & play mind games with you....as long as he can keep you waiting by the door like a dog...while he continues to play with his girlfriend. The moment you began to heal, move on with your life, aquire new friends, maybe lose weight or shape up..you will feel so good about yourself & others will notice as well. There is life after every one. He has moved on..you derserve to move on as well.
I filed for divorce 2 months after my hudband left & even though I was afraid, angry & hurt...it was the best decision that I could have made & I have never looked back. I lost 40 pounds, I have found new love & it is beautiful. But if i didnt let go of my past...I could have never move forward. LET GO & MOVE FORWARD!
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A
female
reader, Stazy3 +, writes (5 February 2012):
Stazy3 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody for the responses. I guess you are alright why would I won't him back after what he is putting me and the kids through. I just I'm still very in love with him he was my first love. But also not the first time he cheated the other time was online also but he broke it off when I found out this one he left us for. My kids are having a tough time to. This all just sucks and is so fresh. I will gt through with the divorce and hope karma comes back and bits him in the ass. Does anyone believe in the affair fog? Could it be what he is going through?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Your husband is hedging his bets.
He doesn't want to burn a bridge with you until he has secured his own income and a solid arrangement with the other woman.
Don't wait for him. Doing so provides him with a security he is not entitled to and will undoubtedly abuse. It would also damage your self esteem and set a very poor example for your children.
Gather the rest of his things in a garbage bag, set them aside and give him a deadline to pick them up. Send it by registered letter (not email unless you require a recept). Proceed with the divorce and have no further contact with him. If he wants to talk, he can do so through your attorney.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (5 February 2012):
 I am sorry for what is a very painful time in your life. Please try to look at the situation from a non emotional point of view. You are married to a man that is a cheater, a liar, and also unemployed. What are you really losing??? RIght now he is caught up in the thrill excitement and adventure of a new love, but the shine of it will wear off soon. When it does, he could very well come crawling back to you. Do you really want him back? That's what you have to ask yourself. Life is short, and its too short to be with someone who doesn't respect you or treat you right. Give him his walking papers, cry for what you have lost and move on. You deserve far better than him sweets.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (5 February 2012):
Sadly this guy is a liar and a cheat.
not all men are like him and his new woman is the one who'll have to endure him now.
He has done you a favor. Gte the divorce moving along.
no matter who you thought this man was in the past, clearly now, he is a cheat and a liar
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A
male
reader, Uncle_Unsparing +, writes (5 February 2012):
"he doesn't have a job so she pays for everything" That tells you everything you need to know about the scumbag; he'd rather live off another woman than support his own kids."he was lying saying he wasn't living with us. Not to mention all the other lies I'm sure" That tells you he's an even bigger scumbag; lying to the woman he'd rather live off another woman than support his own kids."He did come visit the kids for two weeks then left again because she is his soulmate he claims"That tells you he's an even bigger bigger scumbag; he'd rather live off another woman than be with his kids even when he doesn't have to pay."he didn't sign said he's in no rush. But not ready to work on things either"Of course, the longer he puts off the divorce, the longer he avoids having to pay child support, which he isn't going to pay anyway since he's unemployed and living off his mistress."I'm confused if he's in the fog or is it true love"Neither, it's the longer he puts off the divorce, the longer he avoids having to pay child support, which he isn't going to pay anyway since he's unemployed and living off his mistress."Do I go through with the divorce or wait? Please I need advice"Go through with it, he's a scumbag playing with your emotions so he can avoid child support, also keeping his options open for when mistress sees him for who he is and he wants to come crawling back to you. He's never going to marry her, then she'd have to pony up the child support he can't pay and she'd have less money to lavish on him."I still love him so much and wish he would come back. For me and the kids."How on Earth can you still possibly "love" a scumbag who would choose freeloading off another woman over supporting or even being with his kids? Do you not have any self-respect or common sense? The only reason he'll ever come back is for him, when she throws his lying ass out and he needs someone else to mooch off. "He did promise the kids he would move closer soon and he asked his mistress to move to not sure if her job will let her transfer and he owns a house and has two kids from a previous married" And his sterling reputation will back up his "promise." Good God, can't you see he's just lying to the kids to cover his lying ass, he has no intention of moving closer, he's already given you the excuse(s) he's going to use to welsh on his "promise.""And I don't think anyone in her family or friends knows he is still married. Please help"Not your place to interfere. At this point all you can do is take the high road for the sake of your kids. They'll see him for who the scumbag he is soon enough, if not already, probably a lot sooner than you. I'm sorry for your kids suddenly losing their father, but it's strictly his decision, his actions prove he is nothing more than a sperm donor to them and your unrealistic fantasy that he will suddenly see the light and come back to you and the kids is not helping them or you. You and the kids need counseling to accept your new reality and come to terms with discovering the selfish jerk you married is the selfish jerk you shouldn't waste one more second of your lives on, he's not wasting one more second of his life on you.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 February 2012):
Get the divorce. If he changes his mind, you'll be a single woman, independent, different and no longer his. He'll approach you carefully and he'll show you a lot more respect. If he doesn't come back, you'll be free to create a more stable life.At the moment, he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. He'll keep returning to you and then returning to her, I've known this situation go on for 20/30 years. He'll lie and juggle so he can mess about with two women.. he'll probably leave the mistress eventually and cheat on her with somebody else.If he won't sign, tell him it's no problem, because you'll wait him out (you don't need his signature after a certain time, you can divorce him for abandonment)Go talk to a lawyer.. I'm not sure if you need his permission if you want to divorce him for adultery, abandonment, and mental cruelty. (not sure about USA law)If you take him back... there is no guarantee that he will stay, and they'll be no guarantee that he won't cheat again. Push for divorce even if you want him, he'll respect you more and might be interested in fighting to get you to stay.By doing nothing your telling him, he can cheat, he can treat you badly, he can do anything he wants because you don't care, you'll always forgive, forgive and be there.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 February 2012):
Forget if you love him--do you know how many people stay with stupid people because they "love them"? Too many of them. And then they're miserable and wish they would have left that person sooner. Your husband is a selfish jerk and cares only about himself. He is probably making a stupid mistake but that's his problem and he needs to deal with the consequences, which is leaving you. He has no job and has found his "soulmate" elsewhere. Let her have him, he sounds like a real treasure.
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