A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hime and my bf are together for 8years now.a year ago he started to swear at me then he changed alot towards me he got very rude and had a bad temper, hegets angry quickly.He told my yesterday he actually wants to leave me coz its my fault he is the way he is and its hurting me a lot. He doesnt kiss me no more and the only time he spends time with me is when he wants to have sex otherwise im nothing to him he doesnt even call me nicknames anymore he recently said im fat he wants to have sex with other women and he wants to know all the time where i am and what im doing i dont want to lose him. what should i do please tell me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): Hi. it sounds like u love this guy a lot. but u are going about this the wrong way. 1. since he is ur bf, that means ur not married yet. great! the last thing u want is to tie yourself to a man that thinks he is God and can control u. A man who does not care that much about how he hurts u with his words.2. if he wants to sleep with other women, as much as this may hurt u to hear it, please let him. chocolate is sweet when u've had a few bars, but after 20, ur tummy starts to hurt, right? so also sex. let him have his fill. just as long as u don't keep taking him back when he comes begging. cause he will. 3. if ur relationship has lasted this long, chances are, u all can make a life long commitment to each other. but the commitment must be mutual. don't force it our u'll regret it big time. imagin if u guys had kids together! what trauma that would be!Above all, u are worth more than some guy trying to to treat u like crap. come one now. visit www.husbandforsale.com and see how real men treat their wifes. but they don't just get that way. u have to do ur part and be strong!TemiO
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): Yes he has traits of abuse. He loses temper quickly, has began faulting you and putting you down, insinuating that he wants other woman and can have them, needs to know what you are doing all the time...
He isn't happy with himself. This is now being projected onto you and it is registering as abuse.
I agree that you either walk away while you have the strength and respect or get to counselling ASAP...couple's as well as have him get some anger management.
If he refuses...time to move on.
You are a worthy and beautiful woman with so many gifts and talents and there is a good, decent, honest, loving man out there who will recognize this and love and treat you the way you deserve.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, wickedrachel  +, writes (4 March 2007):
 hey i am a big girl and am going through the same as you but being big aint the reason, my partner or ex, doesn't care about that there are other reasons, but 8years is a long time, leave him love, but i know how hard it is cos thats what they said for me to do and its hard, but someone is out there waiting for your contact
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 March 2007):
 It sounds like he has the potential to become an abusive partner. GET OUT of this relationship as fast as you can. You deserve so much more than this. Take all our advice and RUN away from this loser. There is someone better out there waiting for you. Take care and Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, sugabean  +, writes (1 March 2007):
get rid of him fast.....you deserve so much better!! as well dont believe it! You need to be positive about yourself!!!
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A
female
reader, confused_in_luv07 +, writes (1 March 2007):
if i was you i would get over him FAST girl one day you would find someone that lvoes you for you
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A
female
reader, Debs85 +, writes (1 March 2007):
i know its hard for you to hear but this man is not worthy of you. you need to get rid. i know it feels like a hard decision becuase for 8 years you have become used to having him around and the thought of being on your own is scarey but dont you deserve someone who will treat you right and respect you. this man is slowly shattering your self confidence and if you dont do something about it soon you will have none left and you will be stuck in this relationship forever and you will slowly find yourself allowing him to sleep with other women and accepting his behaviour as normal just so you dont have to be on your own.this is exactly what he wants and his way of doing it is to make you feel like you are worthless therefore he will then be able to have his cake and eat it. you need to concentrate on yourself and start to get back yourself confidence and the only way to do this is to get rid of him.
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A
female
reader, NuttyGooner +, writes (1 March 2007):
 Hi there,
Here's my advice to you - get rid of this tosser! He has no respect for you, and is constantly insulting you to the point where you are actually starting to believe his bull!
He is bored and is acting in an immature way, and he probably wants you to dump him to make him feel better about it and play the victim (I know quite a few guys who admit to doing it!)
8 years is a long time, but trust me, let this guy go, all he is doing is hurting you and damaging your already fragile self worth - and pity the poor woman who has to put up with this arse in years to come (god forbids she ever gets pregnant, he ain't gonna like that!)
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, dollparts +, writes (1 March 2007):
 hun! you deserve better! abously he doesnt aprectate you! dump the bastard!!!!!!! you can do sooooooo much better!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): What a pig!!He should love you just the way you are and if not then he doesn't deserve you! It's easy to criticise someone for putting on weight, but suppose you had an accident or became ill? Is this how he would treat you?? I know you have feelings for this man but please leave him, he souns horrible!!!! Good luck and remember you are beautiful, just as you are! xxxx
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A
female
reader, Jovial +, writes (1 March 2007):
Believe me you do wanna loose him. take it as good riddens, let him go. He doesnt deserve you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): GET RID! Look on it as a lucky escape! You do deserve better so don't settle for less!
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, tigerlady  +, writes (1 March 2007):
 Hi...I know how you feel, I too am fat, until I met my wonderful online. I too had men who did not me cause I was fat. My advise is...you are not fat, I am not fat...we are big ladies, and being big is beautiful and yes there is someone out there who does love you it is looking for him and believe me it is not worth holding onto someone who does not want you even though you say you love him...follow your heart my dear friend. I have come across so many guys online and they see me and they love big ladies, so there are guys out there who do care about big ladies. I wish you all the best okay. Keep your chin up...you are beautiful okay.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (1 March 2007):
 Sounds to me as if your relationship is one of habit more than anything else. He has no respect for you whatsoever and is bored! The relationship has run it's course. You need to move on here. Have some respect for yourself, let him see you don't "need" him and let him go off with other women but dump him first! You really don't need this loser and can do much better for yourself. You deserve much better too.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): Holy shit - dump him and never, ever talk to him again. I'm sure you think he's an exception to the rule of "don't date abusive ass-holes" because of your history together, but that's the fatal loophole that all abusive assholes operate upon. No one has the right to hurt you like that. He has forfeited your love and affection, so stop giving them to him.
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