A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi im 30 in relationship with 2 children.ive known this guy 4 years as friends and we had sex together the other day he is also married with 2 kids he said it was just sex how do i know if its anything more need advice.he keeps saying dnt tell know 1 cus his life would be over.but he dnt regreat doing it plz help. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 I am sure for him it was just sex - from what I understand of affairs that is how many of them start out - two people agreeing to have "just sex" - for the thrill, the excitment, the selfishness of it....with the idea being that both parties get satisfied, get their ego's stroked a bit, have a bit of fun and "noone gets hurt".
HOWEVER...it seems fairly common that one of the parties (usually the woman)starts to become more emotionally involved, starts to fantasise about having something more, starts having different expectations of the relationship...starts exerting some pressure etc. THEN it goes fairly pear-shaped - cause chances are the guy only ever wanted "just sex" and it's all gotten too messy, too difficult....the only problem is he can't just end it because he doesn't want his wife and kids to find out. He's too deep in the mess now!
THEN - the other woman gets angry and ultimatums are thrown about, maybe she even tells the wife....some way or another the situation is brought to a head and in 9 out of 10 cases the other woman is left with nothing - but an even poorer self esteem than she had when she went into a "relationship" with a married man!
My advice to you is to stay away - no more "just having sex" with this guy...it is going to end up a mess if you keep this going - you know this on some level I'm sure! You need to look at what allowed you to enter into this in the first place. The fact you are on here, asking about this and thinking about this shows me you are already at risk ....you should think about talking with a counsellor, look at your relatiosnhip with your partner, look at what's going on for you to allow you to cross the line like you have - you have only heartache if you keep going down this path!
A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (11 August 2008):
 Take him at his word. If he says it was just sex, then it was just sex. I'm sure he doesn't regret it--why would he?--but that does not mean at all that it is more than sex.
Be very careful in this situation. If you're looking for more, you're not likely to find it with a guy who tells you straight up that he isn't thinking of you as more than sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 you had sex with a married man. he is married!!! he doesn't want anyone to know!!!
asides from the fact that he is already committed to someone else and is trying to keep it a secret, he has flat out said that it was just sex.
i hate to say it, but there doesn't seem to be much else going on there. there CAN'T be anything else going on there. if he was single, it might be a different story...
i'm sorry! good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Fairy Godmother +, writes (11 August 2008):
 You don't know and all you can do is take him at his word. I suspect he's telling the truth: from his perspective it was just sex.
You're both in relationships where you have children so this was a fling for both of you. It sounds as though he doesn't want to jeopardise his marriage and, hopefully, nor do you. For what?
Sex can be just sex for a man, whereas for a woman it usually means a whole lot more. It must be difficult for you but my advice would be to let it go and don't pursue or repeat it.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 August 2008):
Sorry to be so blunt, but he used you. If he said that it was JUST SEX, that's all it was. He may not regret doing it because he probably cheats on his wife all the time. He's an adulterer and so are you. Quit cheating on your boyfriend and especially quit having sex with married men. They won't even leave you for their wife so get over him and move on with your life.
...............................
|
