A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My fiance of four year has accused me of sleeping around. I have given him my undivided attention within the 4 years we have been together. He suffers from depression and iv been there always through his ups and downs. I cannot exept theses untruths.
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (19 August 2014):
 As someone experienced with dating someone who suffers from bouts of depression, it's possible these accusations stem from his feeling that he's not good enough for you.
When someone is suffering from depression, it's often times easy to get down on yourself and convince yourself that you're not loveable. Perhaps he feels down and that you'd just be better off without him. Maybe he's insecure you'll find someone who doesn't suffer from depression and you'll be much better off.
I know my partner has said these things to me before, due to depression. However, I've never been accused of cheating.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (19 August 2014):
 Great advice from the aunts/uncles who posted before me. Guilty people often like to throw the blame and attention off of them by making things up and steering the conversation away from them.
His depression can also be causing him to be acting in this manner.
You need to think things through very carefully. Are you sure you want to marry a man who accuses you of cheating, doesn't trust you? What would your life be like married to him? Do you want to go through years of what you are going through now?
I was married to a man who was an alcoholic and was suffering from depression. Its not a nice or happy life. I was constantly being accused of things that I had never done. If I was 5 minutes later he would accuse me of cheating. I got tired of it and ended the marriage after 16 years.
Does your fiance get help for his depression? Take medication? Seek counselling? If not, he should be. Only you can decide if you want to live the way you are now. For me, it would be an easy decision....I'd walk.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 August 2014):
 Both Cerberus and Wise gave good advice.
If this is out of the blue accusations, I think it's very possible that he could be cheating himself or that he is looking for a way out. And maybe he finds it easier to break the engagement if he thinks you cheated.
Some people accuse their partners of cheating in order to maintain the "upper-hand" it's a mere manipulation trick, because it causes the one accused to want to prove their innocence and faithfulness.
Do YOU really want to be with a man who thinks you are cheating? Do you see him admit he was wrong and then trust you 100%? Sooner or later he will believe his own little lies.
For me, enough would be enough.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): I think maybe your fiance' is just looking for an excuse to break the engagement, and his paranoia might be a symptom of his mental disorder. If you ask me, that's a blaring red-flag! Get out while the getting is good!
Riding his roller-coaster is costing you too much. Being loyal to people with mental-disorders is a very noble thing to do. The problem is, people feel obligated to stay for appearances and fear looking calloused for leaving. Standing by someone who shows progress and improvement is one thing. Sticking by someone who makes your life hell is not smart. What's the point? Seriously?!
It's unnecessary martyrdom and proves nothing to no one.
Love is not meant to be wasted on people who don't return it with goodness and kindness. Illness is no excuse. Is it worth feeling like sh*t every minute of it?
Love gets misplaced when you are being good to a cruel mentally-disabled person who just gets progressively worse; while you're being the "stand-by-your-man" lady.
Cut him loose!
There is no life to look forward to. The hell with how it looks to other people, there is no reward. If he doesn't trust you, most likely he's the one who has been up to no good. His guilt is eating him from the inside, and his mental-illness makes him irrational and paranoid.
There is no rule that says you have to remain with him because he's ill; until he breaks your spirit and ruins you life. Then you'll both be broken people.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 August 2014):
 epression is a very deep place to be in...he's probably having dark visions about losing you and the subconscious fils in the blanks. Don't write him off yet as a lost cause. If you can wait out his depression maybe you can both have a good laugh about it someday. Good Luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2014): You know when people accuse their partners of cheating and they have zero reason to do so it mostly means they're the ones cheating.
It's like the way a thief is always the person who is most careful with their belongings because they know how easy it is to take them.
It's time you did a bit of digging, OP, and it's also time you considered whether being in a relationship with a man who doesn't trust you is worth it.
No trust; no relationship if you ask me.
...............................
|
