A
female
age
36-40,
*aM3La
writes:well here's the story.. i met him as a smoker.. i did not want to date him because of that but he insisted and insisted and insisted promising that he will quit if i gave him a chance..but he have been together now for 9 months now and he still smoking..just 2 nights ago he had a fight over his smoking habit again.. we almost broke up and he asked me to give him some more time because is not so easy just to quit from one day to another..but whenever he smokes and gets close to me and tries to kiss me i just walk away from him because i just cant stand the smell of it.. what can i do to have enough patience till hes ready to quit. I love him and i dont want to end our relationship over something like that..Please some help...I have already comfront him . i told him that if he was not going to quit i did not want to be with him and he said he wishes he could just easily say "oh im done with the habit" but he says is not that easy he asks me to please give him some more time..so was i too easy on him?..should have i just told him to leave that night? should have i just ended the relantionship there? cus like they say: if you love something, set it free, if it comes back its yours and if it doesnt it was never meant to be....shouldve i applied that to him??
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female
reader, Sunflower1969  +, writes (27 November 2009):
Wow, Army Medic, that's great. You met someone special and you stopped..
My story..I too met someone special.. I knew he smoked and drank heavily but still I fell in love. Then he got cancer.. really serious.. after an operation earlier in the year, which I was convinced would make him at least want to give up the ciggies and the booze, for about 2 weeks or so he appeared to make an effort.. lied and lied to me again about going back to it. Many other relationship problems later, I walked away after about 5 months of trying to help him see how he was killing himself. Now he's back to his old habits of 10 pints a night and twenty smokes a day. Guess maybe I wasn't special enough :0(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): It doesn't mean you are shallow if you can't live with a smoker. I have asthma and cannot tolerate the second hand smoke, nor do I want to get cancer because my boyfriend smokes...like I said, I don't choose to date smokers in the first place, so I am ruling out some people, but that is my right to do so.
If someone has a severe allergy to cats, it is not superficial to ask the girlfriend to find a home for her cat, if she doesn't want to do that and that is her choice, then the relationship will end.
It is called compatibility.
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (31 May 2009):
 Well, I have to accept sometimes that I can not let other human being to do what i wanna do, If i dont want to smoke I cant rule other's to do the same what i dont wanna do, I have only to think, ok, this is it, either i accept it or not. leave it or take it.. I have to accept that i am powerless over other person, that i can not control everything in this earth which is full of surprising.. Hope this help... Good luk
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (31 May 2009):
That quote really does not apply to this situation, because there is someone with an addiction involved! It doesnt matter how much he loves you, you threatening to break up wont ever be able to be enough to make him quit. He has to do it for HIMSELF. And he has to be ready for it. Has he sought help from a doctor? Has he tried alternatives such as nicotine patches, gums and lozengers? You should be supporting him in getting better, not leaving him, as this wont encourage him at all. Ask him if there is anything you can do, to make him giving up smoking any easier? Take him to the doctors, even if hes already been. Talk to him about WHY he smokes, is it becaue it relieves stress? Well then talk to him about how you deal with such situations.
In the end, if he doesnt quit, then you will still love him right? Surely you arent going to be as superficial as breaking up with somoene because you cant stand the smell of it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Well you have a lot of smokers weighing in and now let a non-smoker, a never have smoked person tell you what she thinks.
I have been in your situation before. I absolutely hate smoking, the smell of it, the taste when you kiss someone and the irritation that it does to my eyes and lungs when I am around it. I don't like smokey bars and can't stay long in one or be around smokers, refuse to eat when someone is smoking at my table.
My friends are all non-smokers. My boyfriend was a non smoker....so I am not going to change. That said I am not naive enough to date a man that smokes on the promise he will quit, and I would never demand that someone quit...I just would solve it by not dating him in the first place, it is a deal breaker for me.
This is not going to work out for you and personally my advice is to leave the relationship and break up. You are not going to adjust to his smoking and he won't quit until he is ready too. He is making all sorts of excuses.
The only way to really quit is to stop cold turkey and go through the grumpiness, the cravings and replacing that with food and gaining some weight over it.
My friend's husband smoked and she is a non smoker, but it did not really bother her as her family smokes and she got used to it....but he had a heart attack and almost died from the first one at age 48 and that motivated him to give up his cigarette habit for good...then it was all about him and his life...until your guy has a similar wake up call he is probably unlikely to quit, he is addicted.
When I was much younger I got involved with a smoker, he was my boyfriend and I broke up with him over it and realized my mistake for having gotten into the relationship in the first place....he moved on to someone else and even got married within the year....he was an attorney and gee sounds like a great catch but he had some other addictions as well to cocaine, and he wasn't for me.
Live and learn.
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A
female
reader, love-struckxo  +, writes (31 May 2009):
 It's a fifthy habit, but a hard one to kick. Most people can't just quit 'cold turkey'. I know you don't like it, but you should support him and do everything you can to help him quit.If you don't like the smell, tell him to smoke outside, and spray cologne or some sort of body spray when he's done and pop in a mint.Has he tried the gum? The patch? If he hasn't suggested these things, they can be very helpful. My cousin also got herb cigarettes. They help take your mind off REAL cigarettes, and don't put any potentional harm to your body.You also have to remember that it's his life, and his desicions. He made the desicion to smoke, and you might just have to learn to accept it. It could take a while before he can quit, but just remind him not to give up, and if your feelings are true for him, you'll be with him all the way.You can support him quitting, without supporting the habit.
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male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (31 May 2009):
I've tried to quit smoking for a number of years. I know my wife doesn't like it, but I feel helpless in kicking the habit. Wish I never started, but of course, it is to late for that.
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male
reader, maxstuff2003  +, writes (31 May 2009):
 it's nt dat easy as u think dear ,..give him some time ,..
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): i think you should be grateful you've got a man whose willing to give something in his life up just for you because i wouldnt do it.
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female
reader, niki20 +, writes (31 May 2009):
 as a smoker i have tried everything under the sun to quit and its hard as hell, its the hardest thing to do. it is an addiction and hard to break. you need to understand that its not easy as everyone thinks. give him time and support thats what he needs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): As a smoker I understand the difficulty of trying to quit. Smoking is a very strong addiction. And when a person is addicted to something it takes priority over everything.
An addict cannot stop the addiction for someone other than himself. It can't be done because someone else wants it to be. You have to want it for yourself. And believe me even then it is the most difficult thing I have ever attempted.
I have tried to quit more times than I can count. The longest I have ever remained without nicotine was three months. I always go back. I know people have done it...lots of people, but they were ready!
And he will not quit till he is ready. You can threaten and fight with him all you want, but you can not force an addict to stop using!
It is up to you, now to decide whether you will tolerate it, or walk away.
Good Luck
Britt
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (31 May 2009):
 I used to smoke, and I tried everything to quit, and failed with everything there was on the market, not because they don't work but because I didn't really want to give up.
But then I met someone very special who hated smoking and I made the promise your boyfriend made, but she told me not to do it for her and that she didn't mind me smoking, but I was not allowed to come near her if I smelt of smoke and she certainly wouldn't kiss me.
So I carried on smoking but cut down a lot and would make sure I showered, changed and had the best oral hygiene possible. Eventually it was easier to give up smoking all together, and I gave up using will power alone.
Just be aware the side effects to quitting smoking aren't nice, he'll cough more than he does now, he will get very grumpy.
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