A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok i need some advice. my boyfriend and i have been going out with each other for four years, about six months ago he told me that he loved somebody else but he wasn't going to do anything about it. it took awhile but i'd thought that we had worked through it. then two months ago he turned a small little thing in to a mountain, told me that he just wanted to have his own life for awhile and that he didn't know if he wanted me, in anyway, or not. for a week or two at the start he didn't talk to me but then he started talking to me again and we seemed to be working things out. but then a few days before Christmas he just stopped talking to me again. i don't know what to do. i love him but i can't really deal with all the ups and downs and not knowing where i stand, whenever i try to ask him he doesn't respond. i just need some help trying to figure it all out.
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male
reader, fullvee  +, writes (4 January 2010):
I have a friend, a girl, who is in the exact same situation as you, except she is 36 and now a single mom, because the guy cant commit and grow up to be a husband and a father. These are ADULTS! I would not wait for him. He will take the milk for free as long as he doesnt have to buy the cow (an idiom). Unless he grows up and fast, you are better off with another.
A
female
reader, not confusious  +, writes (4 January 2010):
ok i know you are in a hard situation, but how can you trust your partner if he has told you he is in LOVE with someone else? He is treating you that way because he seems confused himself. If this 'other' person was interested in him, do you think he will stay with you or leave you for her since he already told you he was in love and even if he didnt leave you - he would no doubt have an affair with the women if she let him or if she didnt know about you. Hes turning molehills into mountains so he has a reason to fight with you or create issues so maybe you will get sick of him and do him the favor and leave. His hot and cold temperment maybe due to him having contact with this 'other' person. when hes cold hes in contact with her and when hes hot hes not?
When you have been in a relationship for that long with someone, you should never be left guessing what his motives are or what he is up to. The fact that he just stops talking to you is of concern to me as he is showing signs of emotional abuse. I know this is easier said then done, but you are better off without him. He dosent deserve your trust, respect or love and definitely doesnt deserve you really. Leave him.
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A
female
reader, lovelife1437 +, writes (4 January 2010):
Give him all the time he needs (days, weeks, months but it doesn't mean you need to wait for him) to sort out his feelings. It's not going to do your relationship any good if he's half-hearted about it. If you really love him then I suppose you can be there for him when he wants to talk to you but also you need to make a stance for yourself because it'll tear you apart even more in the end if he decides not to be with you. Can you really be with someone who's hesitating about your love, it's not worth it because it'll just be a one-way street. Don't bother asking him any more questions because he would have told you if he wanted to. You should tell him straight up to sort out his feelings but you're going to need time alone as well so for him not to take it personally if you're not there to talk to him when HE wants to. By not communicating/seeing each other for the time being will give new perspectives to the relationship, good or bad, at least you'll have an answer. Good Luck! :-)
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