A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am pregnant and I dont know who the father is. I have been sleeping with 2 guys for the last 3 months. I have never been so reckless. however I believe that this neglegent behavior was more of a defense mechanism to prevent gettingin an emotional relationship.Just recently I was torn by my EX of 6 years. I refused to have my hart broken again. I am very early along. I dont kno how far yet. I have told both of the prospects about the pregnancy. One guy is cool about it and the other wants me to have an abortion. I do not believe in abortion. that is not an option. What do i do, and how do I find out who exactly the real father is?
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (4 January 2010):
If you don't want an abortion then don't have one, but don't trick guy 1 into thinking the child is his... That is extremely cruel and almost as immoral as you think of abortion. For him to fall in love with the child only to find he has been living a lie will damage him, the child and your relationship with your child when s/he finds out you are a liar. I know a man in his 40's who is still damaged that his mother told him the wrong guy was his father and he drinks himself almost to death because both prospective fathers rejected him in the end and he openly calls his elderly mother a wh.... Just take responsibility for your actions and tell guy 1 that it might not be his. After baby is born its a simple test to determine paternity. Be prepared that guy 2 might be the father which means you lose both fathers, but at least your conscience is clear. Personally where paternity is in dispute an early termination would clear the whole issue giving you a chance to start afresh with more responsible behavior in future but since you said its against your beliefs then go with the next best thing: the truth.
A
female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (4 January 2010):
 The father is the guy who raises the child, I 100% agree. I'm pretty sure that the only way you can tell who the biological father is to wait until the baby's born and have a paternity test. I can't tell you whether to have an abortion, give the baby up for adoption, or to keep it, but I CAN tell you that if you don't want an abortion, then don't have one, especially if you are only doing it for him. I had an abortion for my exboyfriend. I didn't want it, and was strongly considering adoption, I even had two potential families in line that wanted a baby and would be exceptional parents. However I made a huge mistake by having the abortion because he was pressuring me to an extreme. I have regretted it ever since, and still get emotional about it at times, even after all this time. Then I found out that a month after we broke up ( We broke up two weeks after I had the abortion) he had gotten another girl pregnant and basically forced her into having an abortion. ( He even had his parents call her and harrass her!) It enraged me, to say the least, especially after he knew what I went through.( And because he was so careless) So I can honestly tell you, unless you want an abortion yourself, don't have one. I honestly believe that its harder to have an abortion than to give your baby up for adoption. Adoption is still extremely hard, but you will make someone who can't have children of their own soooo happy. Best wishes on your decision and good luck!
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A
male
reader, fullvee +, writes (4 January 2010):
The real father is the one who wants to raise the child, even if its the other guys kid. You had fun, now you have to be mom and I'd go for the first guy, regardless of genetics. The other guy is not an option since he wants an abortion and thats not your option as you said. Worst case, first guy wont raise the other guys kid, so you adopt the child out, or raise it yourself. But guy two is OUT
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