A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My current wife hates my ex-wife whom I have almost no contact with. Help! I am usually pretty good at figuring things out, but this....My ex wife is callous, crass, and often tells my kids (when they are with her) crude 'jokes' and talks about other people behind their back. My eldest child is 14 and she gets it; and usually (tells me) she tells her mom that she should look at herself first before talking about others. My youngest is 9 and he thinks a joke about a mother throwing her baby away is funny because he doesnt understand how crass a joke like that is. So today when my wife and I were asked about trying to have kids (3 miscarriages in 4 years and no other success), my son interjected this crass joke thinking he was being part of the conversation..Well, my wife was in tears about it and beside herself that the ex told my son that 'joke', and has been seething about it all day. She is obsessed by this and thinks violent actions, which I think crosses a line, even though I know she would never do anything to my ex. I tell my wife that by getting upset about my ev's actions and letting eat at her, she is just giving my ex power over her. None of my kids or I are that bothered by my ex's actions, we just think it was wrong to say but typical for her.My wife thinks we are giving my ex a pass, and is actually mad at us that we arent as upset by it as she is. It has ruined my wifes day, and she is livid and undealable with. What do I do?
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (4 January 2010):
Which woman are you married to? Well then, that's the one who's feelings you should consider. Having miscarriages is a horrible thing for any woman and I can understand her pain. Just empathize and tell her what a bitch your ex is and that you now realize why she would be concerned. Tell her that you will talk to your ex about it if she wants you to. Chances are she will ask you to let it go. But whether you say you will talk to your ex or not, chances are she will be none the wiser. I think your wife just wants you to take her side and strongly. So give her what she wants. Hold her hand and look into her eyes' and tell her you are going to get to the bottom of it. Then forget about it. Because something tells me talking to your ex will be a new source of derision.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): I agree. Your "wife" is jealous because your "Ex" takes the kids out of your house. The new woman feels intruded upon by the old one.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (4 January 2010):
 I agree. Jeeze that is just your current wife trying to invoke needless drama.
she needs to chill out!
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