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female
age
36-40,
*scar
writes: Recently my bf and i were having sex and he was taking a really long time... so I started to feel self-concsious that I was doing something wrong. Then he said "Don't worry... it's not your fault... I "jacked off" today." I was so mad and hurt by this comment!!!! I mean I understand that *that* happens, but i don't want to know! Am i asking too much of my bf to just not tell me when he does that? I'm not saying don't do it just i don't want to know! Please help me and tell me if i am being unreasonable but I was really hurt by the comment and well... grossed out! We had a huge fight about how i was "immature" but I was really mad. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lilly_08  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 I think you have every right to be a little upset I would feel the same way if my man told me that during sex.. it does make us feel a bit grossed out!! It makes us ask questions like.. why couldnt he just wait for me ? am I not good enough for him ? but after reading some of the comments here I think maybe I would rather my man do it than go find another women.. but just dont tell me about it !!!!
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female
reader, lilly_08 +, writes (26 February 2008):
I think Martini hit the nail on the head its not the masterbation that upsets us its the doing it on their own that does!!!
my man used to do it all the time in front of me and it used to turn me on we have both done it together and it is a great thing to experience with your partner... however I do have a problem if he does it when im not around as it makes me feel like he would rather be alone than to be with me it is exactally what Martini said we feel as though our men couldnt wait a while and save it for us and we all know the longer it is bettween orgasam the better it feels !!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): ok.. as a chick, I do NOT play with myself every day, however I do play with myself, but not all.. the time. The thought of my man jacking off EVERY day pisses me off and he knows it!
We live together, if he jacks off when we wake up and go to bed together and I'm there - I don't f******ing think so! I can understand if your schedule is busy, etc. but let me tell you, I actually caught my man doing it and I was home!!! Like I said, I don't think so!
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female
reader, loriegirl  +, writes (25 October 2007):
 You know you are acting very immature about this, first of all, You are too young and obviously dont know too much about sex Yet and you are not being open with your man about it either. You guys need to talk openly and feel comfortable about having sex. I would prefer my man to jack off 1, 2, or 3 times a day than to actually have sex with another woman!! It is very normal for a man to Jackoff, my man does it in the morning and at night, sometimes we even have phone sex together and it is great! You just need to take a chill pill, you need to explore and be adventurous!!! That is what is going to keep your sex drive alive. Another thing, Why in the world are you getting grossed out by that???? Doesnt he cum when you guys have sex???? Isnt that what happens when you jack off too???? Duh! You are just too Young, you will find out as you get a little older.
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (21 October 2007):
 Well said Tommy! It is known sometimes also that men pleasure themselves and tell the partner so it will make them feel good that it wasn't with another woman. Sometimes it is considered a turn on by their mate. Don't feel angry Oscar most men will do this type of thing from time to time. It is a natural instinct in the male species. Sometimes it really does help them in making love for a longer period of time. It could be that he is trying hard to make sure you are pleasured as well by being able to stay active a bit longer. Appreciate him for his efforts and try to relax and enjoy your experiences with him. As he seems to be working at spending the times with you making love. Wishing you the best and Godspeed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): Newsflash: It's not just men that masturbate -- women do it too!! I've masturbated earlier in the day & been with my guy later on. The only difference for women is that it doesn't affect our 'performance' later on. If my partner got mad if I told him I'd done that earlier in the day, I would get mad at him for getting mad for something I have every right to do!!
No - I don't think you have a right to get mad at him. It's legal, harmless & perfectly natural to do that.
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male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (19 October 2007):
Guys do it just for your benefit. Normally it just makes them last longer when making love to you. Tell him you appreciate his effort but spare you the details. I think he will.
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female
reader, Jellybean999 +, writes (19 October 2007):
I do think you were being immature about this. Mastrabation is a normal part of life. If you aren't comfortable knowing about it, then I don't think you should even be having sex with him. You should feel comfortable enough to talk about anything with someone you are that psychically and hopefully emotionally connected with. Especially when it was you who brought it. He just didn't lie to you as to why he was taking so long. Seriously, it's not gross and you are sounding like a 12 year old.
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female
reader, happytochat +, writes (19 October 2007):
It was either he be honest and tell you why he was taking so long, to save YOU from feeling self concious and bad about YOUR self...or he could lie and you would think you aren't good enough. Which would you rather?
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (19 October 2007):
 DeeJuliet, I don't know who the guys you are hanging out with but I don't know any that "jack off" daily. . . I'll speak for myself anyway. LOL.
As for the writer, I too think you are overreacting. The fact that he spanked his monkey earlier in the day should allow him to stay erect longer and give you more pleasure, so where's the harm?
Give him some slack.
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female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (19 October 2007):
 There is nothing digusting about masterbation and I agree wtih your boyfriend that you were being rather immature to get so upset by it. Most men masterbate daily, even if they have a partner. Masterbation is not about sex, relationships or connecting; it is about orgasm. Unfortuanately the male body may have trouble producing a second orgasm (this time related to sex, relationship and connecting with a loved one) too soon after the first. So, because you felt bad and self conscious, he let you know it was a simple physiology problem, and not because he wasnt totally turned on by you.
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male
reader, Dextro69  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Sorry but as a guy if i dont do it at least once a day i start to ache down there. every guy i know knocks one off almost every day.
how would you have liked him to handle it anyway if he had said it was you, you whould have felt bad and proberly had a fight the same if he said "no its not you its me dont worry nearly there" again you proberly whould have had a fight as you would want to know what was up with him.
and just because he took a bit longer this time whats wrong with that most women complain that there guy is to quick.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): I think the reason why you were 'grossed-out' about it was that he didn't save himself to enjoy it with you.
Personally, if my girlfriend reacted that way, I would be quite mind boggled, and leave scratching my head and whether to feel frustrated or just laugh and give her a nice tight hug.
However, for future experiences, like Brooke had mentioned, if you truly hate it, then ask him never to tell you again...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): What is a man to do! You are feeling bad and he wants to reassure you that it isn't you, and then when he does that you throw it back at him! If you don't like knowing you need to tell him that, but don't just expect him to know that you don't what to hear about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): If you ask me you are being a bit silly. I don't know why it grosses you out that your boyfriend masturbates... My man does it almost every night (as do I) and I have no problem with it at all... people do that. Him telling you is just part of being in an intimate rship... I have no problems hearing the gory details of my man's masturbation... we tell each other... it can be arousing actually.
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female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Don't overreact to it. Its ok if you dont want to know but at the same time, wouldnt you rather know thats why it was taking so long than worry he wasnt attracted to you anymore or that you werent any good? He didnt say it because he was trying to gross you out or wind you up he was trying to make you feel better because he didnt want you to think it was something personal but maybe tell him for future reference, he can do whatever he wants to do but maybe keep the details to himself.
Brooke
xx
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