A
female
age
36-40,
*n_Vein
writes:Hey, i'm 19, I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. About 4 months ago, he started hitting me. Nothing really to start with but it got worse. Today he burst my nose and strangled me, I think that it was probably the most terrifying moment of my life. I actually still feel so much love him, and I don't understand why. I feel lost, and need someone to tell me what to do. I have no-one in my life but him, im feeling very scared and alone. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Hurt but in love +, writes (29 October 2010):
I love my fiance more then anything! We plan on getting married and having babies together. We have been through so much together and I know he loves me dearly! I have never been in such a loving relationship but the other day he beat me up quite badly. Nobody knows, I skipped work and hid at home. Its not the first time that he has been physical with me -however (Im not making excuses for him) but I admit to bringing this kind of anger into our relationship first -as he wasnt like this before and I have always been rather inpatient, aggressive, and angry at times. I feel as though I have since curbed my ways with help, love and understanding from him. Now it seems although we have switched places! Every time that this has happened it has involved alcohol -We were both very drunk! He has cried and prayed for what he has done -he says he cant live without me and that i mean the world to him... then how could he treat me such a way? I do love him with all my heart and I want to believe in him. He said he wont drink any more and that he felt as though he wasnt his self -like a spirit was inside of him! He has also said he'd be happy to go for counciling and relationship help. What should I do? I dont want to throw all our dreams away! Its been 5years and aside from this -we are really close and have a strong bond and connection with one another. (ps) Im not your tyipically helpless person hence why my heart and head are at such a battle with one another! Controdiction at its very best! =0(
A
female
reader, mz.blue eyes  +, writes (14 October 2010):
My boyfriend was living with me but i had to kick him out for breaking all my stuff n pulling my hair all the time,SLAPPING ME..he told me I would never knock out your teeth though cause i like your smile.Yet he would threaten me.Well on the phone he would be so nice n call me saying I will change....love you..So I saw him we argued over something little then i ended up with a black eye!HE then "FELT BAD" but do we really deserve to be hit by someone we love?No N i never had a dad so its like hes treating me like he owns me hes extreamly controlling...jealousy...he even hits himself in th face its weird but yeah my friend are like leave him! n the thing is i have pleanty of times but he is indinile n wont let me go!!plus his aunt is a bitch n would kill me if i called the police on him but sometimes when he is nice yes i still love him BUT NO WE NEED TO MOVE ON N JUST FIND SOMEONE NEW SOMEONE THAT WILL CHERISH N PROTECT US INSTEAD OF HIT N JUST LOWER ARE SELFASTEEM MORE!Because see im 18 young myself n we just need to realise that we deserve better so that they become are past n not are last!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): My boyfriend was living with me but i had to kick him out because of his anger n controllingness he would grab me,slap me n pull my hair.I thought he would never hit me though cause he told me he loved my smile but if he wanted he could knock my teeth out hed say.Over the phone he would be all nice....but then i saw him we ended up arguing n id say sorry but he would stop i dont even know wHAT THE FIGHT WAS ABOUT BUT HE ENDED UP GIVING ME A BLACK EYE.I keep thinking that he will be the loving him again but now he starting to just erase the loveable him by hanging out with messed up homies.I wish that i still didnt love him all my friends tell me how dumb iam for not leaving him.The thing is ive left him pleanty of times though but he still is indinal n pulls me back in because he says he cant live without me. Well we just need to LOOK FOR A NEW GUY!To get our minds off the losers were with i know its like u feel as if u dont want to start over but it would be for the better me im 18 see were just young n possibly a little insecure n they take advantage of that n me u see im a pushover n forgiving as well but i need to realize as the same for u is that we deserve better!This can become just our past not our last...
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (12 October 2010):
 What you should do is leave him.
He is not someone that loves you. He is the kind of person that acts a certain way to get you to love him, and then he shows his true personality.
He is not the loving, great guy that you fell in love with.
He created the illusion so he could then show his true personality. His true personality is the guy that hits you, makes you cry, makes you bleed. You have ALWAYS been dating the abuser, the bad person, the bully you hated in school.
You are lost, because you are experiencing the real him.
You can be found, because you now know that what you loved was not real and is an illusion.
You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you and the world in front of you.
Live your precious gift that is your life, don't waste it.
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A
female
reader, dawnkirk +, writes (20 July 2010):
i fell in love with someone who was ok for the first 2 month and then suddenly went into this weird mode and started accusing me off all types of stuff seeing other men etc none of it was true just so he could take his temper out on me and hit me break stuff up in my house, thing was i loved his face his body everything and we used to laugh so much.. again 1 month later he snapped same thing again hitting me i was so scared he was so strong and nothing i could do, just went on one and got it in his head im cheating on him when i was not, just an excuse to take his temper and voilent side out on someone i think, he beat up his own sisters boyfriend for no reason..i have now got rid of him even though it breaks my heart, and i advise anyone else to even though it kills and all the emotion one has to go through. i am sure in a few months i will be over this
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A
male
reader, gocesk  +, writes (11 July 2009):
no one have right to hurt another, no man or a woman.ask for help from some one you can trust.good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): Again, just like everyone else is saying, Leave him. You are worth so much more than the way he is treating you. Don't let some guy make you his little play toy. If he has issues, you aren't the cause of them and he needs to deal with his own problems. No amount of "I'm sorry I love you" or guilt trips you try to put him on are going to change or fix the heartache you feel now. As a women you are beautiful and you should be treated like you are the most prized thing on this earth by any Man.
Get out now, before things get even worse.
Good luck girl 3
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 You have no one in your life but him. Ask yourself why this is. Could it be that he has been isolating you from the rest of society through his actions?
It would be typical behavior of a wife-beater, the more he can isolate you, the more he can control you and the more dependant you are on him.
This ties into the fact that a lot of women seem deadly afraid of being alone. They rather be a in bad relationship, and yours is only one small step away from being terminally bad, then to be on their own.
You got accept that being on your own isn't all bad, especially if it means staying alive and not being somebodies punching bag. I know society pressures women into needing to have a partner but screw society, better to be single and intact then together and in the hospital.
As for love, sometimes love doesn't work, if this even is love. Love may cause you to be afraid FOR the other person, afraid they might be hurt, but never to be afraid OFF the other person, afraid they might hurt you.
Is it even love, or have you, over time simply become so isolated that he is the only human contact available?
It is time to get out. You have given him plenty of time and things are only getting worse. Call the police or at least your doctor and ask for immidiate help in getting out.
Their are shelters for women in your position, not only can they protect you, but you will be there with other people in your position showing that you are NOT alone.
Yes, it means losing him, but do you really want to be like this for however long you have left before he kills you?
If you leave him you can always make new friends, however long it takes in your new life, because in your new life you will have plenty of times to rebuild it. Stay with him, and thing will never change with a very real change you won't have much time anyway.
Please, go to the police now.
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A
female
reader, epifanatical  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 take away the power he holds over you and leave. DO NOT listen to him whine on about ohhh his sooo sorry and he loves you and it wont happen again.. because its always the opposite.. he hones in on your weakness sweetee.. and plays you well.. so get out and dont give him the chance to hurt you ever again.. and while your at it.. report him to the police.. press charges.. get a restraining order.. seek counselling.. what ever it takes to expose the cretin that he is.. there are places that can help you make the move and keep you safe.. the best place to check out is your local community center .. they can usually give you a referral to a womens shelter.. stop being a doormat and start respecting yourself more.. if you stay it is only going to get worst.. believe me.. once he knows you are easily manipulated i dread to think what he might be capable of.. dont wait around to find out.. you deserve way better.. best of luck to you.. :)
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (6 September 2008):
 When you said "I need someone to tell me what to do" I finally realized what's your problem.You're a pushover. You let people dictate you what to do, you let people pu you down. He manipulated you into believing you still care for him. Please, snap out of it.
Remember the saying "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"? That's what you're doing. Bringing shame on you. The guy could have hit you once but you should have stopped him right there. You may love someone but you also have to stand in your ground.
You say you have no one but him. You're oh so terribly wrong. You don't have him, absolutely no, he's the one against you, remember? The one who's making you miserable, remember? The one who probably separated you from family and friends, remember? He's the one who just hit you, remember?
You will not be alone if you seek for help. There will be tons of people who will come to your rescue and help you get away from this malicious man.
Please, check into this website:
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/
or call: 0808 2000 247
NOW! They will help you go through all the process to get out of this life you are in.
Or call your local police.
This is not a matter to let alone. If you ever wait for him to change, you'll be very sorry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): For crying out loud, LEAVE HIM. RIGHT NOW.He doesn't love you. He's an abuser, and as you have seen, he's gotten worse. You can't possibly "love" someone who treats you like this - not if you want to keep your self-respect and be safe!Report him to the police; go to a women's shelter. And when you do move, DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, let him know where you are!
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A
female
reader, Belle De Jour +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Get out of there as soon as you can ! i would even report him to the police this is assult on you and he can do serous damage by the sounds of it . if you are this scared about him , why do you still feel stracted to him , mabye it because of the time you have been toghether or the ammount of fun you had or what ever .. but love .. if he is hitting you and strangling you , he obv doesnt love you .. im sorry hun but this is the truth .. i should go to the police .. show them the bruses and eveything else and make sure he gets what he gets email me if you need to talk more Belle x
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A
male
reader, bg +, writes (6 September 2008):
You need to contact police or a domestic violence hotline. This man has no right to hurt you, and you should never have to fear for your safety in your own home. It can be hard to make that step, but you need to do it for yourself.
Never allow yourself to be victimized, this kind of abuse is just wrong and must stop.
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A
female
reader, gojira343 +, writes (6 September 2008):
you really need to get away from him...it could cost you your life if you stay....do you have friends or any family to help you get out of that at all if he does it again you need to call the cops....sorry but it needs to happen
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