A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago I found some explicit photos and videos of my fiance and a couple of his exes. I wasn't happy with him having them and told him so, eventually he threw them out. Then I found he had some on his laptop, he said he had forgotten about them and again eventually deleted them, at the time I did say to him I bet you've got them on a harddrive as well, to which he said yes but i've deleted them as well, you can check if you like.I didn't as I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Well, yesterday I wanted to save some things on his harddrive and looked while I was on it, surprise they are all still on there as well as a few others. I havnt told him I've seen them he just thinks I was a bit moody yesterday. I know he had a life before me, I dont care if he keeps 'normal' pics of exes, just the explicit ones I hate. I dont want to ask him to delete them, I feel he should do this on his own. I'm probably being paranoid but it makes me feel like he's not over them, a couple of the pics are from an ex he was with years ago, he told me they had casual sex every now and again since they split, they have children together. which stopped about 5 years ago. We have been together 2 1/2 years. But some of the pics look about 5 years old and were of his ex taking pics on her mobile and sending them to him I presume. This isn't the sort of sexual relationship he led me to believe, he said it was when he had been babysitting and she had been out come back a bit drunk, things happen! I know this is his past and nothing to do with me so why can't I stop thinking about it. I love him so much and know he has never cheated on me. Obviously he still has to see her because of the children and it kills me that he might still have these sort of feelings for her. I don't like my pic being taken but i did take one for him of me in a nice little black dress, do you think that was there along with everyone else's pics... NO, then that makes me feel jealous! This is driving me insane! Thanks in advance for any advice given.
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cheated on me, drunk, fiance, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): Hi, our sex life is good and no there is no porn on his comp. When we first discussed this he said its a guy thing and he just sees it as porn! It would be interesting to hear a guy's perspective. I still havnt spoke to him about this as i'm not sure how I want the conversation to go! I know I dont want to end things, what is bothering me the most is the lies. I know he will say I am the most important thing in his life and he forgot about them, he didnt want to upset me, blah blah. Thanks for advice so far has been enlightening, and makes me feel i'm not going mad!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): You have every right to feel jealous in this situation. It would make a lot of people feel bad, just as it would make him feel bad if it was you who had kept explicit videos of your exes. It would be one thing if he was just looking up random pictures and videos on the internet of women he doesn't know, and will never meet. It's a complete other thing to keep old nude pictures and videos of ex girlfriends for 5 years. That sounds like a bit of an obsession to me. There's definitely some emotion there, it's not just a masturbation aid like an internet porn video. Otherwise it wouldn't be so difficult for him to delete this stuff. Even if he doesn't love his exes, he still likes to look at and lust over their bodies. This isn't right. And if you don't like it, he should respect your feelings enough to get rid of them. It's not like your asking him to delete all the non-explicit pictures of them. It's okay to have a past, but it should stay in the past. Reminding himself of when they were together is not healthy for his current relationship with you, and neither is his lying to you about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): No, I wouldn't call you "jealous" or "insane" for this. I would say your reaction is normal. This would piss a lot of people off, including him if you were the one keeping explicit pictures and videos of your exes. It's one thing to watch porn videos of random people you are never going to meet. Very few people watch porn and invest any emotion into the people in the video, because most just use it as something to look at to speed up the masturbation process. Once they've turned off the video, they forget about the people in it. Keeping pictures and videos of your ex from years ago is just plain disturbing. If it were me, I'd be worried he's obsessed with these women to be honest. If he's been watching the same videos of these same women over and over again for the last 5 years, then I think it's a safe assumption he still has feelings for them. Even if he doesn't love them, he still likes lusting over their bodies. If I were you, I wouldn't put up with this. Even if he does eventually delete the videos, it will only be to get you off his back. And you'll never know for sure that he doesn't still have more copies kept somewhere else. He's already shown you he's willing to lie to you over this, that proves he wants to hold onto them. He's investing emotion into them. They are more than just something to masturbate to, because if they weren't, he could just as easily go online and find some random naked woman to masturbate to that he doesn't have a past with. Or better yet, he could use the picture of you in your little black dress that you stepped out of your comfort zone to take. I'm sorry, but this would be a deal breaker for me. You already gave him a chance to get rid of them, and he didn't, so get rid of him. Leave him to his precious pictures and videos.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine  +, writes (18 August 2012):
 I don't have ONE pic of any of my ex's... None at all. As far as I'm concerned... these people are out of my life for a reason.
I would be pissed as hell at him. It is disrespectful towards you and I would tell him to get rid of them or else I would leave him...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): I would not feel comfortable if my guy kept explicit photos of past women. This keeps the past very much alive and would definitely detract from our relationship. If you doubt this, try imagining how your guy would feel if you had photos like this!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 August 2012):
 I don't blame you for being pissed of and disappointed. It's disrespectful to you.. AND to his ex-gf's I'm sure they wouldn't be overjoyed knowing that he STILL has those and those pictures "float" around. Even if he never posts them anywhere stuff can happen.
And I agree with the "trohpy-file".
Does he keep porn on his computer too?
I would mention it to him and I would explain WHY you want the deleted. One thing is having a box with "memories" but nude pictures of exes shouldn't be on his computer.
I find it kind of crude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): Ahhh, it's his trophy file of pictures. He likes to look at them and remember the good times he had with these women. No doubt he uses them for spank material too.
He has a past, we all do, but if he truly loved you he would have deleted the explicit pictures as he told you he did, but instead he lied to you.
I don't mind the normal pictures of exe's either but keeping nude photos of ones exe's is taking it too far.
He isn't showing you the respect for the relationship he is in by hanging on to them.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (17 August 2012):
 perhaps he is making you jealous on purpose so you will pay him attention and see who really cares or acts like they care people seem to not appreciate what they have or had until they see someone else may want or like them then it becomes a challenge and the person is in the middle and neither want him it's just a duel match to see who can get him then its not about love really it's like a item of ownership when this happens
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Hi
Yea I guess it would be annoying but I dont think you have anything to worry about. I assume you two have a good sex life as you haven't said otherwise, so why get stressed about a few old photos.
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