A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I love each other a whole lot. He loves spending time with me and always tries to make time for me. I love spending time with him too, but unfortunately we get the chance to meet just once a week. he asked me to change my clothes style and said we should go shopping together. i asked him why he's so bothered about my style and he said because i have to dress beautiful. then i asked him if i'm ugly and he said no, but i have the same style. Should I be worried that he's too controlling or will be someday? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 I think dressing up when you get to spend time together is OK. And maybe he has a better eye for what looks fabulous on you. However, here is my 2 cents. If he wants you to wear (let's say) skanky clothes or a nun's habit and you are not comfortable with either, speak up.
If he likes ruffles and they make you puke.. speak up.
Why no go out shopping with him and see what he has in mind? It's not like you can't say :" no, I don't really like that."
Since I was in my teens I have worn a lot of black. I feel comfortable in black. I feel like I can easily fade into the background. It's my camouflage so to speak. My husband loves me in blue and green. So I compromise when we go out and wear something I know he will like. Oh the other hand, I buy all my husband's clothes (he has ABSOLUTELY no taste) but.. if I come home with something he doesn't like.. I take it back. If he on a rare occasion buys himself something and I hate it.. I usually don't tell him. If he likes it it's all good for me.
There is advice and help your partner can give you and then there is controlling behavior. Like you can't wear jeans because it makes men look at your ass.. or your can't wear tight shirts/skirts.. Usually controlling behavior is also RESTRICTING as in you CAN'T do this or that. So be aware, but try go shopping with him.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 August 2012):
 “he loves spending time with me” “but unfortunately we get the chance to meet just once a week”
How can you love spending time together but only meet once a week? Are you long distance?
Here’s my take on it:
When I met my fiancé, I had made some serious life changes already. I was open and ripe for changes so when he said he prefers me in dresses to pants and prefers my hair straight, I was more than happy to oblige. Last night we went out to eat with my family. I asked him if he would mind if I wore capris. He made such a face I wore something else. It was no skin off my nose and it made him happy. If I REALLY wanted to wear capris I would have worn them but since it was not a big deal, I wore what made him happy.
I wear my hair for the most part the way he likes. IT’s faster and easier to wear it curly but he likes it straight. There are days he doesn’t like it and he asks about it and he’s told “suck it up”
A man can only be as controlling as a woman lets him. My fiancé does not refuse to be seen with me in public, I wear what I want at home. Sometimes he complains and he’s told “BFD get over it”
I have learned what he likes and as a secure mature woman I’m happy to provide it. He doesn’t get what he wants all the time but on date night (and when we were LDR and only saw each other on weekends) he gets EXACTLY what he likes because it’s not that hard or outrageous for me to do it.
IF on the other hand he wanted me in micro mini skirts and hooker shoes 24/7, he’s be SOL because I like my flats and jeans…
So my take on it, if you want to comply with him once in a while I don’t’ see any harm. IF he is MANDATING that you do it 24/7, if he’s bullying you about it, if he’s saying “do this or else” I’d kick him to the curb. IF he says “honey you look so hot and sexy in a dress would you wear one when we go out on Saturday night?” I’d probably be ok with that…
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (17 August 2012):
 There is nothing wrong with wearing something different for a day or two for your partner. My girlfriend hates wearing tight pants that showed off her curves. I asked her to wear a tight pair of pants to the fair because I absolutely think she's sexy in them. I think she's still sexy without them but it was a new way to look at her. She grumbled a few times under her breath as she squeezed herself into them, something about me being a perv, lol. She also made me wear pants that I hated to even look at, skinny jeans. Let me tell you, me squeezing into skinny jeans is not a pretty sight. She had a ball laughing though, lol.My point is, just because your boyfriend asked you to change your style up a bit doesn't mean he doesn't think you're beautiful. He probably just wants to see you in a refreshing new light. It's not controlling if he suggests it. You should only worry if he wants it to be a permanent change. That's when you realize that he doesn't like you for you.But if it's only for a day or two, it can be kind of fun to wear something different. Something that you probably would have never seen yourself wearing before. Who knows, you might even get a few laughs out of it. I know we couldn't stop giggling at eachother for the whole night. . .or was it she who was laughing at the way I walked in those pants. . .
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Yes you should be worried, no-one should try and change anything about you if they genuinely love you. Saying you 'have to dress beautiful' is a very odd thing to say, it suggests that he doesnt think you dress very well and that you need to be told how to dress.
I think you need to say to him that you dont want to change the way you dress and you are happy the way you are, and if he wants to change you well he can get lost basically.
He should love you the way you are, and he should think you are beautiful just the way you are already. If he tries to change anything about you then be very worried because chances are he is a controlling person and will try and change other things in the future. Dont let him change you and stand your ground, if he doesnt like it well you can find someone else who loves you for who you are, not someone as superficial as this guy.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, cute angel +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Ok let me tell you a storyThere was this absoultely wonderful guy who loved me,he was nice,polite,kind and most importantly he just wanted me to be happy'..I liked him too and I remember one day I suggested I would take him shopping so he was like 'why'?'Are you embarassed of the way I dressed'?Here's the truth he didn't know how to dress at all,but that did stop me from liking him,its just a tiny little superficial things that I wanted to change..I took him shopping and he loved what I got him,infact he said I feel a lot more confident now and now he doesn't need my help anymore he picks whatever he's comfortable with and he knows how to dress his body'..So if your boyfriend is suggesting a change I don't see how he is controlling, may be that change can benefit you,see what he wants you to do,if you don't like it you can always say I'm not comfortable and I would like to stick to my own..Suppose you like a man with short hair but you met this really nice guy who enjoy spending time with with really long hair probably could even give 'rapunzel' a run for her money;) wouldn't you casually tell him'are you planning on cutting your hair?I think you would look a lot better in short hair'..suggesting something doesn't mean your controlling,a lot of the times you would ask someone which color dress should I go for pink or purple if you like pink and they say purple doesn't mean they are controlling it means they are suggesting a color which would suit you better..Go with the flow,don't think too much..if you're not comfortable there is always a NO, that you can say..Gluck x
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