A
male
age
30-35,
*rokenKuato
writes:My story is huge but please, please read it I need help so much!!Im a gay male 19.I met my ex at the most unlikely time, I wasn't looking for anything and didn't really want it. I didn't have a physical attraction to begin with. Im 19, he was 17. He would text me all the time asking what I was upto etc. He would text back within seconds of my replies, I admit I liked the attention but never saw it going further. One night he was at at party and long story short we ended up watching a DVD in my bed. We kissed that night, no sex just loads of cuddling and kissing. I didn't find it hard to do even though there was no physical attraction but it was different. 2 months go by and were having the time of our lives I have the most amazing texts from him, 3 texts in the morning before I wake up telling me how much he missed me and wanted to see me etc. I've never ever felt so "wanted" in a relationship he before, he was so keen on me and I loved it. At 3 months he sat me down and started crying, he told me he was scared to tell me something.."I love you". He was scared because he told me he had never been in love before and that in telling me he though I'd not be ready to commit - I was. I loved him back and was over the moon. I can honestly say hand on heart I've never been happier with anyone life was so good. We decided to book a holiday to Spain as a romantic getaway. We were both so excited and counted down the seconds and hours every day (no joke!).Every night I went to bed I text him saying I cant believe I've been lucky enough to have found you, and he would reply that he was the luckiest boy in the world and he wanted me to promise to stay with him for as long as I would have him. Of course I did promise and he promised he would never hurt me or ever leave me. 1 week before the holiday we had our first real argument, He had told me he was at college all day when infact he spent the day with a friend (I despise this particular friend). I was really hurt by the lie but eventually just let it slide. He came to my house on the Friday night before we went on holiday. I had some news. I had all my sexual health screen result back, I was clean for everything - we had both agreed to get a full screen before having unprotected sex. I told him the news and he was really happy, but we still needed protection because he was still waiting.The holiday day arrive, at the airport we were like kids in a candy store he was so loved up and excited and so was I. When we arrive in Spain we got settled into our hotel and he kept looking at his phone. After I asked why he told me as a "suprise" his friends (The guy I hate) were in the hotel nextdoor. I hit the roof, I'm not an aggressive person at all and just walked out because I couldn't face him. I came back to the room about 10 minutes later and he was gone. I phoned him and no answer. Eventually after waiting up all night he strolls in drunk. He'd spent the night out with his friends and left me crying alone in the room. The next day was very awkward we hardly spoke and had to spend the day at the pool with his friends he wouldn't leave them to come spend time with me. Then something weird happend, he all of a sudden started talking to me and got really frisky. He took me in the room and told me he had just been texted his results, he was all clear. So we had unprotected sex for the first time. I topped him, and then he topped me(Sorry for details but - Cumming inside eachother).That night we all went out clubbing, he got very, very drunk and started having a go at me, he was hitting me and then ran away. When I found him he was snogging another guy and dancing in really tight pink boxers with an erection. I felt my heart fall out of my body when I saw him. I put him in a taxi and threw him in bed, I was praying it was just the alcohol that had changed him. He woke up the next day and I confronted him, He told me he didn't remember doing anything and that I was a liar. The next couple of days were the same, just spending time with his friends, I was left out like I didn't exist. They even started a joke about me because I wasn't socialising much. Then the last night of the holiday came, they all dressed up in really revealing clothes and looked really tarty.My boyfriend and his friend ran off again, so this time I was left with his group of friends and we headed back to the hotel without them two. We were sat on the balcony and we saw my boyfriend walking up the street with another guy! Then we saw them walk down a dark alley, so I sprinted down the stairs and ran to the alley, the random guy saw me and come running out, following my my boyfriend who was laughing. The random guy said "I didn't know he had a boyfriend, and he didn't care because he was the one doing the sucking!". On hearing that I looked at my boyfriend and he was just smiling and said it wasn't true, but I could see all over his mouth and lips that it was (sorry). I just threw up on the street and ran home. From my own balcony I watched him walk home with the random guy again, he slept at his apartment that night and came home in the morning just in time for the flight home. Not once did he say sorry.When we got home I was so desperate to stay with him because I was in love I told him I'd forgive everything he done on holiday and put it down to the drink. He just nodded and said that he would text me how he feels.The text came about 2am.... "I can't be with you I'm not happy". I was devastated not only because it was over, but because I knew in my heart he was only acting like a complete sl*t because of his friends, he totally changed around them and he became a nasty, vile person. Then through one of my best friends I had the final nail in the coffin delivered. "He slept with someone 3 days before going on holiday and the guy he slept with has been bragging that they done it bare". - 3 days before the holiday was the friday. It transpired that 30 minutes before I met him on the friday night, he had just had sex in his room with a randomer from facebook - unprotected too. Then he came around to my house and had sex with me. This thought still makes me sick, I feel so betrayed and hurt. I'm sad because of what we had, I hate that he is letting his friends change him from the boy I fell in love with. I'm devastated because I trusted him to have unprotected sex with me even though he KNEW he had cheated and could have anything. I tried to tell him how I felt in a text this morning (02/07). He just replied with "bye x". He's blocked me from facebook but my best friend still has him, hes updated his status and bragged about being single again. Then he texted my friend telling me how he has spent the day with a really fit guy and they are back as his place and going to sleep together. I know anyone reading will think "WTF get rid of this LOSER" But the reason it's not easy for me is because I KNOW with all my heart that deep down in his own heart he isn't like this at all, he is young and trying to show of to his friends by changing how he is. I really don't know why I've posted I guess it was more to put everything down in writing for myself but if anyone does have advice I would appreciate it loads.
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best friend, clubbing, drunk, erection, facebook, fell in love, kissing, liar, my ex, on holiday, text, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): i'm entirely sorry that this happened. but here's the thing, he was seventeen. that's only two years from nineteen, but kids anywhere from fifteen to maybe twenty are still trying to figure out what kid of person they want to be. maybe he did like hanging with you and being together, but then again he liked running around like a...well...you know. but what he did was wrong and all him. i do agree though. the people you hang around do have an influence on you especially at that age. the best thing, find someone that's already grown up, or at least trying to. they won't be influenced as easy. sorry to be blunt but, best of luck to you. :)
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (4 July 2011):
 HE IS LIKE THIS because this is how he has behaved! your behaviour frames your personality in light of events that happen.
you need to wake up and realise you didn't even fancy him that much you just enjoyed the neediness of his endless texts. it felt good to feel loved and over time this became felt on both sides.
anyway, he has shown he is a dick, has behaved in a way that endangered your health and what will happen now is that you will be in denial for a bit (and pretend that the nasty side you saw was some other person. it wasn't it was just you seeing beyond the surface), then you will realise what everyone else can see. he has really treated you with a total lack of respect and you are better off finding this out now than two years down the line.
bad luck, get tested, avoid this arsehole at all costs. real love will come in time. what you had here was the honeymoon stage and it didn't take long to go sour.
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A
male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 This is really SAD to read. And it's really SAD that there are people out there that are like your ex.
As others have stated... get yourself re-tested. Just to make sure everything's OK.
You stated that your bf changed when he was around his friends. I submit... that he didn't change at all. He 'changed' when he was around you, to present to you what you wanted/needed. The 'real' person that he is... is that which he is around his friends. It's just too bad you discovered it in such a truly RUDE manner.
I know it's hard now... but you'll eventually get over him. If anything it's best to HATE him for leading you on essentially LYING to you the whole time. The'll help you get over him.
I caution you NOT to isolate yourself from commitment and dating others... because of this experience. Not everyone is like your ex... and SOMEONE is out there for you.
Hugs & Good Luck!
Larr.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (3 July 2011):
Hey that is very sad to hear. You say you know him and deep down he is not like that. Do you tell yourself that because its easier to believe? Youre really enabling him to do his deeds when you protect him and he will inevitably hurt you more. What he did is him. It is not someone else. He did it because unfortunately he's selfish and doesn't love you. Your heart may be broken by this but if you don't accept he's a scum you run the risk of having sex with him again and later in life finding out you have some std. This dude is a reckless liar and has put your life at risk. See this with a fresh pair of eyes and get the hell away from this guy for good.
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (3 July 2011):
 I.m sorry you had to go through this. He,s a mess,not mature enough to have a relationship,selfish and not good enough for you. You deserve so much more. How dare he humiliate you on holiday like that. You,ll never be able to trust him again. I suspect he,ll be like that for years too. It was pretty nasty of him to trick you and invite his freinds without telling you. I know it,s hard when that person turns out to be not what you thought,but try and concentrate on getting over him. He may even call again,but it,ll probably be more of the same if you pick back up with him. Try and find a nice guy,that deserves you. Good luck. Natx
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 July 2011):
 The first thing that you need to do is to go back and get another STI check done. I know that it is probably the last thing that you want to do right now, but don't delay it. He was very careless and you could be the one that ends up suffering now.
I am sorry but there is not a lot of advice that I can give you. I understand that you know deep down that he has a really kind and caring side and that he is just trying to look cool around his mates. But am afraid the only person that can change that is him. If he really loved you deep down he wouldn't hurt you this bad. Maybe he just can't handle a relationship at the moment because he is so young, he probably is just not ready. I think the best thing that you can do now is to accept that it is over.
Maybe down the line he will realise what a huge mistake he has made and come back to you, who knows it is really hard to tell. But for now the best thing that you can do is to move on with your life and accept that he is no longer a part of your life. He has caused you a lot of hurt and it is going to take you some time to get over that as well as him. Don't let him keep hurting you. Take some time out to heal and go out and enjoy yourself with your mates. When he grows up he will realise what a mistake he has made. But he needs to learn that for himself. Good luck sweetie.
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