A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Years ago I meet this man that I was afraid to approach, over the years I never forgot him and he has never forgot me. When I finally got the courage to tell him how I felt and I always wanted him I found out he was a newlywed. But since that day we have talk, texted, and fb none stop. We even had a visit to see if we had any emotional connection. But what do I do now? Is it wrong to still care for him or want him?
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male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (15 January 2011):
I am compelled to reply to female reader anonymous who encouraged the person seeking advice to actually ask the married guy if he will leave his wife. This is absolutely dreadful advice. By asking such a question, our inquirer will be telegraphing to the married guy that she's emotionally into him already. Why even recommend that someone go down that path? Horrible advice. To the person seeking advice, please ignore the advice that you should ask the married man to leave his wife. Don't do that. You will simply make things worse, and you will end up getting hurt in the long run. Move on as practically everyone with any sense has advised you to do. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Ask him point blank if he will leave his wife so you two can start a relationship together. If he says no, then walk away from him, don't get into an affair while he's still married. Tell him there will be no emotional connection, as long as he is married to someone else.If he says yes he will leave his wife, then wait until he actually does it, before starting anything with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): You CANT help who you fall for, as it's nature, but yeah you CAN stop yourself from acting on it.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 You know the difference between what is right and what is wrong.
You know that the minute you knew he was married you needed to stop talking to him like he was a possible suitor. Let's not sugar-coat this - He's married, you have found out; he's been lying to you about being available - which doesn't make him a great catch for either his wife - because he's cheating emotionally - or for you - because he's being an emotionally cheating and lying asshole.
Do you REALLY think a liar and a cheat is a great guy for you to get involved with? Do you think so little of yourself that you will take someone else's sloppy seconds for a boyfriend?
You know that you deserve better and should be treated like THE woman in your man's life. Find a new man who knows how to treat a woman.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (14 January 2011):
 To the anonymous poster: True, you can't help having feelings for someone you're attracted to. BUT you most certain CAN help by not fantasizing about the person, and letting yourself dwell on said feelings! It may be difficult, but you just have to realize the person is "taken" and turn your attention elsewhere.
What is wrong is that thoughts are a first step in taking actions in the wrong direction.
As far as not being judgmental, well, to say that someone who is involved in either an emotional affair or a physical one, is stating the truth - which is that it breaks trust between the married person and his/her spouse and is a betrayal.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (14 January 2011):
Well no, its not exactly wrong to still care about this man and to want him - SO LONG AS you don't ACT on those feelings.
For you what this means is that you need to quit emailing, texting, talking (whether in person or on the phone) and remove him from your Facebook page. Cut out any and all contact.
YOU need to recognize he's off-limits now, and HE needs to be left alone to focus on his marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): You have officially earned the title of the "OTHER WOMAN."
It is not wrong to perhaps care for him but IT IS WRONG to try and form a relationship with a married man. What, you think he's going to suddenly divorce his wife and come for you? Not a chance, no matter how much he seems into you.
You missed your chance and now you are attempting to have an affair with this man.
What if you were in his wife's shoes. In fact, why would you want a man who is willing to cheat on his wife to be with another woman!! Even if he does divorce her and come for you, in a couple years, you could be in the predicament his wife is in!
Don't do it. Find your own man and you CAN help who you fall for.
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A
female
reader, somechick +, writes (14 January 2011):
girl. listen.! i am in the same predicament. im in love with a older guy other than my boyfriend. its okay to like someone who is married but you dont need to try to start anything either.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (14 January 2011):
C'mon girl...why do women even think about doing this to each other? He's .... wait for it ... MARRIED!!!!! He's not married to a figment of his imagination. He's married to a living, breathing, heart-beating just like yours, woman. A woman who loves him enough to have taken vows with him and vice-versa. How could you even think of possibly interfering with that? What do you do now? You move on, and find your own man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Not at all. You cant help who you are attracted to, whether they are married or not, and its difficult to stop having those feelings for someone. And also, i know it can be hard not to do anything physical with someone you are attracted to. Thats why i cant really be judgemental on people who have affairs too.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (14 January 2011):
Being continuously in touch with some one you have a crush on well eventually envolve emotions and well leed towards an affair or at least an emotional affair with all the agony,the pain and the mysery in that path i say don't go through it because it has allot more pain than pleasure..
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Its not wrong to care about him no but he is only just got married and this is a dangerous path that you are going down. You need to remove him from your life. I know that it would be painfully hard for you but it needs to be done before you end up beginning an affair with a married man that will end in tears and break ups. There are plenty of single men out there for you, go out socialising and meet new people dont fall in to the trap for a married man. You need to accept that he belongs with his wife now and let him go. Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Pretty much yes! It's wrong. You have to swallow your feelings and get over him or hide your feelings well. He's a taken man now, off limits to you.
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