A
female
age
51-59,
*ivinguponlove
writes:I just got dumped today by my boyfriend (now ex, I suppose) of 4 months by email today. He sent it to me in response to my calls yesterday when I had a horrible feeling that he was avoiding my calls. In the email he said that he will still stuck on his ex-girlfriend and it wasn't fair to lead me on anymore. Real nice... considering that he ruined my birthday recently by not giving me a call and when we were suppose to meet up a couple days later he stood me up to go give his ex a birthday gift for her birthday. I feel I am just too old for this and my confidence in men has been shattered. I feel like the for first time in years I have put myself out there and took a chance on love and all I got was shit on.How do I get past this? How do I not let this affect any possible future relationships (if there will be any... because right now, I feel like I'm swearing off love altogether)? How on Earth do I put myself out there again and not feel like every man is a lying scum of the Earth? Or should I even bother?I really could use some advice.
View related questions:
confidence, ex girlfriend, his ex, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, givinguponlove +, writes (27 June 2008):
givinguponlove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses... they do help, tremendously. The hard thing for me, I suppose, is that I didn't even know that this ex even existed, much less realized that this would happen. As I mentioned, the first I even heard of her was during the whole birthday fiasco when he stood me up a couple days later to go to her birthday party. Then he told me how she manipulated him into attending her party and that was why he couldn't come by me. I guess I took his word for it when he was saying "Now I remember why we broke up."And he also neglected to inform me (until I called him on the phone after getting the email) that he had only broken up with her 2 months before we met.Does any of this make a difference? I guess not... Ahhh, screw him. At this point he's no longer my problem or concern. I just don't want to carry the BS from him into my next relationship, if i can feel brave enough to try this again.I just feel that at my age, I shouldn't have to go through this kind of childish shit, you know? And i don't want to risk this hurt again.
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 It may sound trite, but men and women are all PEOPLE. There are some pretty faithless, uncaring men out there. And there are some pretty faithless, uncaring women out there. Just as there are decent men and decent women out there. There are men who love sex and men who don't love sex. There are women who love sex and women who don't love sex. There are men who lie and there are women who lie. There are outgoing men and introverted men. There are outgoing women and introverted women.
I could go on and on, but the point is, you've got to look at the PERSON, not what they've got between their legs, when judging people.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 When somebody is mean with us, we all feel like you do, specially about meeting new people. You know, the fact that he was no good shouldn't ruin your future life. If a good man came your way, would it make sense if you didn't let him in because the other guy was mean to you?
I understand you need some time to heal your wounds and recompose yourself. But, if, from this very moment, you have the confidence that you will make it without him, then you will.
I wish you the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (27 June 2008):
 Hi there,
don't give up. We are not all bastardos like this man. I'm sure in time you will realise that you just picked a dud and that someone else is out there for you.
You were just unlucky to pick an emotional retard who is still wrapped up in his previous love.
Ask yourself some questions here: did he give any indication that he was still in love with his ex? Did you ignore these signs hoping that the longer he spent with you the less he would think about his ex? I only say this because it could be something you should look out for in the future. It's inevitable when we are over 30 that relationship baggage is brought into new relationships, its just a matter of finding out whether the new partner is ready to move on or not. Because obviously your one wasn't.
Now I think you need to give yourself some time to heal. And then get yourself back out there, there are plenty of men who are willing to commit themselves to a relationship don't let one emotional cripple ruin it for you. Remember that he hasnt gone back to his girlfriend he is just still obsessed with her, which is not a healthy thing at all and frankly I believe you have avoided jumping on an emotional rollercoaster rather than lost a boyfriend.
good luck and get out there !
...............................
A
female
reader, les +, writes (27 June 2008):
Hi,
My boyfriend recently broke up with me too for absolutely no good reason and with no apology. Cold-turkey after 9 months.
You shouldnt let this experience turn you into a bitter person nor should this effect your future relationships at all. I know it hurts alot right now, but it took me about two weeks to get over my ex boyfriend. From day 1, I set my mind on not being bitter or angry or resentful but using this to become a better person. It was the hardest thing in the world to stay positive when I was just crying my eyes out but I forced myself to do it, and honestly, two weeks later, I'm happier now than I was in my problematic relationship before. And guess what - I'm happy, more confident that I was able to get a hold of myself and get over him, and guys notice that. Believe me, they do.
So seriously, I know it hurts, but it in perspective. You were dating for someone for four months. People get divorced after 5, 10, 15 years of marriage and remarry and go on to live happy lives. Just be nice to yourself and be nice to other and dont swear of love or assume the worst for yourself. I've always believed that the assumptions we make are really the only control we have over life, so why assume the worst, and take love away before it even had a chance to find you, right?
Hope this little motivation helps...
...............................
A
female
reader, stuckinthemiddle81 +, writes (27 June 2008):
 This guy sounds like a real piece of work...and by "piece of work" I mean piece of sh*t. You obviously know you deserve way better than what he was giving you in the first place--which doesn't sound like much. It sounds like he wasn't in the relationship as much as you were because he was still fawning over his ex and in the midst treating you like crap.
I've had my share of awful men and have had those months-nay, YEARS-where I swore off the opposite sex but deep inside still wanted a relationship. We've all gone through it whether you be female or male. What did I do? Well, I sulked and bitched and moaned to myself and listened to a lot of male-hater songs but after a while I got sick of feeling sad and feeling like a loser when I wasn't attached to some man so I did other things. I helped around the house more, I took myself out to book stores and park walks (things I was missing while I was feeling sorry for myself). I didn't swear of men, but I just merely stopped caring what men thought and figured the whole love thing will happen when it happened.
Needless to say, I met this guy as a friend who shared the same weird interests and comic book geekery as I and we began hanging out. Four months later we began dating. Now we've been dating for a little over a year and a half now and all this wouldn't have happened if I didn't put myself first. After leaving those losers behind and while taking me as first priority and finding out what I wanted, he came along and changed my thoughts on how I thought about men.
Not all men are slime, not all men get the hint and not all men are perfect jsut as women aren't saints either.
My advice to you: Move on. He's been a jerk to you and it sounds like you need to have some "you time" to reflect. It sounds harsh but shed a tear, think of the little times you had that were fun together then move on sister! You've got the whole world at your feet, learn how to use it to your advantage and leave that jerk in the dirt, lets see just how much he's missing. Treat yourself because, honey, you are number one and you certainly deserve better and in time, you will learn to trust again as I have. Don't rush it. You'll see.
I hope I helped in some way. Good luck.=-)
...............................
|
