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female
,
anonymous
writes: hey, i been goin out with my boyfriend for a while now and we have decided to go all the way. there is one problem though, he wont use a condom:( hes asked me to go onto the pill, but he's been really understanding about it and said if i didnt want to then i didnt have to, things is i dont mind goin on the pill, but that doesnt stop me catching any STD's. What can i say to him to make him use a condom or go for a STD test???
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condom, std, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): I think you should say I love you but I love myself more and I am not having sex without a condom. There are so many risks and you shouldn't put yourself in the line off it so don't let your guard down. Pill doesn't protect sti as you know and condoms add that extra protection along with pills. If you do it this one time you may end up doing all the time without one and it will forever be in the back off your mind and you won't feel totally relaxed. So make the right choice and not be influenced otherwise.
A
female
reader, scorpiomac4 +, writes (1 December 2006):
Why doesn't he want to use a condom? I would strongly suggest not going ahead without either getting checked out first or using protection. When my boyfriend and I decided we didn't want to use condoms anymore, we both went to the clinic and got checked out. From past experience of being silly and going ahead without protection there is nothing scarier than your imagination getting out of control thinking what you could have, afterall alot of STD's cannot be cured, you can carry the virus forever. If he respects you and has an ounce of intelligence he'll understand your suggestions
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A
male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (1 December 2006):
 I agree with martini.
Remember if he cares for you he'll do the test or the condom, with the prevalence of STD's and HIV/AIDS you cannot not use protection but if there are alarm bells ringing in your head, then better still, try abstaining.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (1 December 2006):
 Martini got it right. You tell him that if he wants to stop using a condom, then it will be your pleasure after he goes down to a local Planned Parenthood (or doctor) and gets an STD test. You ought to get one anyway for the both of you - better safe than sorry.
You could go at the same time. You can get your birth control while he gets tested. Make a hot date of it. Afterwards go out to dinner (that's what my boyfriend and I did when we got tested. Pee in a cup, dinner and a movie).
Even though the subject is a little icky, just go for it. If he's a good guy, and understanding... he'll sure understand this and he should be okay with going to the doctor with you.
Stay healthy!
xxIndia
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A
male
reader, Dolomite +, writes (1 December 2006):
It's pretty simple really - tell him he wears one or there is no sex. I am assuming from your letter that you are younger - that makes it all the more important that you begin practicing good habits. Best case is you go on the pill AND he wears a condom (there is absolutely no reason he shouldn't). If you both care enough about each other, and are responsible enough to have sex, then you shoudl acre enough about each other to proctect each other by using proper precautions.
The thing that worries me the most is his willingness to have you NOT on the pill, and him NOT wearing a condom. That only ends one way (with you pregnant). What you two are planning on doing is an adult activity - so please approach it as adults, and be responsible for yourselves and each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006): Say to him that you'll stop using a condom when he go gets an STD test and come out negative. If he feels insulted, then you tell him that people can't be too careful, especially in the sexual partners they choose. In fact, if it upsets him, you can do one with him as well.
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A
female
reader, funkyfeline +, writes (1 December 2006):
Just be blunt about it. He is being unreasonable here. You should offer to have one aswell, to show him that its just something that needs to be done and you arnt suggesting anything about him.
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