A
female
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*abey
writes:Please help me understand this one. Men your opions would be good. Been seeing my man now for eight months he says he loves me. But we still only see each other one night in the week, and most nights of the weekend. Although sometimes on a Friday he wants to go out with his mates not me. Is this normal or is he not really that into me? I just think if your in love you would want to see someone more often. I have hinted that I would like to see him more but he does not seem to take the hint. Which obviously tells me he does not. Also I dont want to push him. Feel really frustrated, why has this relationship not progressed. When he is with me he appears to adore me , it does not make sense. He had only just come out of a long term relationship when he met me. Is that why he is taking it so slowly ? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2006): have you no life outside of this relationship??
no friends you need time to go out with?
1 nite a week and most of the weekend is loads!
im assuming he does work?
get a life outside this relationship cause if it ever ends youl be left with nothing!
as for that bizarre partime/fulltime girlfriend comment! what woman would be happy not seeing their boyfriend all weekend evey weekend???
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006): I definitely would NOT assume he has another girlfriend, and NOR would I assume "he's just not that into you" (silly self-help book that it is, in my humble opinion).
You've been dating eight months, and he just got out of another long-term relationship before meeting you. Those take time to get over, but maybe by now he is recovered from it.
Both of you are at work, or school, full-time, correct? He sees you one evening a week, plus Saturdays and Sundays? It would be quite normal if he wants to occasionally go out with his mates. You have your own friends and activities, too, right? (we would hope).
You could try, gently, approaching him about adding one more weeknight and see what he says. Before you do, think about your own schedule, as well as his. You may be busy, he might, for all we know (you would know this better) be even more busy, so keep that in mind.
He does tell you he loves you and sounds as if he really enjoys the time you are together - says he adores you. Sounds pretty good to me. I know you'd like to speed things up a bit, but really, eight months is not that long a time to have been dating! See what happens in the next few months (so it will have been a year).
Meantime, don't pressure either yourself, or him! That would be counterproductive! Instead, appreciate him for being in your life and the "gifts" he brings to your life, and try to relax a bit more - AND......ENJOY!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006): I definitely would NOT assume he has another girlfriend! NOR would I assume that "he's just not that into you" - (silly self-help book that it is!)
Look, you say he just got out of a long term relationship when you two began dating. Takes time to get over those, and while he may by now indeed be over it, you both are at work (school??) all day. However, he does see you one night during the week and you do get together Sats. & Sundays, correct? Yes, its reasonable that he might occasionally want to have a night out with his mates on a Friday (maybe you could join them, not all the time, but sometimes??)
You said he seems to adore you when he's with you and does tell you he loves you. That sounds pretty good to me. You have, I hope, a life of your own, too, with activities and time spent with friends, yes? (we would hope).
You could, gently approach him about adding one more evening during the week and see what he says. Maybe he'll agree to that provided you don't mind him seeing his friends sometimes on a Friday - but maybe he won't put that kind of condition on it at all.
Keep in mind the work he does and generally how busy a life he leads, then try to relax about this and enjoy! Eight months is not really all that long to be dating, you know.
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A
female
reader, funkyfeline +, writes (1 December 2006):
i wouldnt be so drastic about it. I only had the chance to see my bf 2 nights a week, and sometimes he wanted to see his friends instead of being with me. It was just unfortunate that i could only see him at the weekend, but he could only see his mates at the weekend too. i didnt want to hinder his life just for me.
I obviously dont know what he is like when you are together, but if other than the time issue its all going fine, i wouldnt be too suspicious.
If you want to move the relationship on, it may just be best having an honest chat with him. He may just even be having issues because of his previous relationship.
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female
reader, scorpiomac4 +, writes (1 December 2006):
Men don't take hints, you need to spell it out to them. Depending on how open and honest your relationship is I'd either just ask him to see you more often or ask him out to the cinema or something on a night you normally wouldn't see each other. He may be cautious because of his long term relationship however he still sees you on a regular basis. I know a couple who have been together for three years and only see each other on the weekends but they are made for each other. What does he do for a living? He may be tired, some people like alone time. I wouldn't try and rush the relationship, because then you're in danger of pushing him away... Try acting less available yourself and see if he starts asking you out more!
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female
reader, Ne'cee +, writes (1 December 2006):
 Im sorry to be the one to tell you this, but it sounds like he may have a "full time" girl friend and you are the "part time" girlfriend. If you were the only one there would be more time for you. You may be confronting the wrong thing. Instead of telling him you want to spend more time with him, ask how he spends the time when he's not with you. Good Luck.
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